Confused, but still moving on...

[marquis]

Hello everybody, I have posted my story here couple of months ago, and since then some changes have occurred in my efforts to bring my ex back... so here it goes, for all those who are in similar situation as me...

 

To cut the long story short of my background scene...

I met this girl at my work and she broke with her previous bf to be with me, but her bf found out about us and went and told her parents and her parents forced her to resign her job and called her home. Since then, she has been home for 3 months without any job. We continued our relationship despite the situation, but all of a sudden one day, she broke with me while I was abroad because of reasons I am still unsure of, (partly because of her parents, and MAINLY of herself, of which I still do not much know. But I think it had to do with the guilt towards her previous bf because she broke with him to be with me). I begged and cried for the first two weeks, but one day all of a sudden, I turned around and acted in a very mature way and agreed the break-up. She was quite taken aback by my sudden change in the attitude. I acted in a very dignified and mature way and said I complied with the break-up because I love you, even if I don't exactly know the reason.

 

Since then, I went on NC. However she started to send text messages after about 2 weeks and then went on to MSN... I responded to her contacts, but I did not initiate any contacts.

Now she has found a new job, about an hours drive from my place, and since her new job, she calls me very frequently. She just calls me sometimes to say she just got home... or have you had your lunch...or something blah..blah.. We also meet on MSN everyday and talk about the days work and other things. Initially I told her how much I love her but not to give her any pressure, I said let the nature take its own course and believe in destiny. If we are made for each other, we will be together in future. She agrees to that. I have made it a point NOT to discuss anything about our relationship at the moment.

 

Now she sometimes comes by to see her friends (she has her best friend here where she use to work before.) and she makes it a point to see me. I have not made any initiation on my part to see her or anything, but sometimes do let her know that I would be happy to see her.

I really love her and now it has become a kind of habit for us to keep in contact so frequently. We had no problem between us or any problem with the relationship itself, so we still care and cannot let go of each other. Just because of this, I am still hanging on, and seeing her developments.

Since 3 months have gone by...I think time has brought about some changes, as I believe her guilt towards her previous bf may have waned away...and realises that she truly loves me... But I am not expecting anything. (Maybe I am totally wrong!!)

Her best friend sort of tries to keep her away from me by giving advices like "if you break-up, you should break-up clean, no contacts anymore" to her, but we are very much in contact. The other day, her best friend had written something on her blog, something like this:

"There is no right or wrong in love, but there are morals and values in real life. Do you really want to go this way? We had already discussed many things in the past and you have not stuck to my advice, and I am disappointed. I have no right to interfere in your life, but if you choose to love, I will accept, but I will be hurt".

I really do not understand fully, but I think this friend is too caring, to the extent of interfering in other people's lives.

Anyway, I am still waiting with patience, because patience pays in the end.

What do you all think about my situation? How might it end?

[heloladies21]

Seen this hundreds of times and it always ends the same. She's gonna find some other guy and leave you broken in the end. This method of being patient doesn't work, especially in situations like yours. Best thing you could do is ask her for a final answer if she wants to be with you or not, then accept whatever she tells you as final. And if she says anything other than an outright yes, then it's a no.

 

Her friend is of no consequence, your ex will do as she pleases regardless of what her friends or family tells her.

[heartlessromantic]

I agree with heloladies21.

 

You need to move on with your life. I think it's okay that you see her (let her initiate) if you can say to yourself that you are able to move on with your life while continuing to see her. Otherwise, I would tell her how you feel about her, leave it on a positive note, and resume NC.

 

Unless you are truly okay with being just friends, do the right thing for yourself.

[marquis]

Thanks for replying...

But I think at the moment just asking her outright if she wants to be back or not...would only end in a "no". I think what she needs is TIME. May be it is not yet the right timing to ask her this question. It sounds that we are in a friendship mode at the moment, but I am sure she is in the process of "thinking", especially from her friend's blog post that I found. Obviously she has been talking about getting back with me to her friend and that friend had such reactions.

I love her, but at the same time, I am moving on with my life. Yes, it is a bit slow-paced moving on in situation like this, but I am nevertheless still moving on with my life. In the end, I find I can still keep on loving someone, but I can let her go, and still keep the doors open. Yes, it is quite difficult to achieve such state of mind, but I am trying.

[heartlessromantic]

Every situation has its subtleties and I agree with the approach you are taking. I am in a similar situation myself, except mine is less in friendship "mode"... I think I can handle it because I've been NC for a bit and I think the additional space helped us a bit. My situation is complicated but I love her and just want her to be happy. I know I will be okay regardless of the outcome. I am strong enough.

 

Good luck to you!

[TornTattered]

As much as i didnt want to agree with helloladies in my past situation. He is completely right. Playing the waiting game does not work. The best thing you can do is find out for sure what her intentions are, and if she says anything other than she wants to work it out... move on.