overcoming shyness

[MetallicAguy]

I have a problem breaking out of my shell. I feel as if people won't like me if I become more outgoing, so I remain reserved and shy. It is really bugging the **** out of me. It's also much harder around girls I like, I don't know why I can't talk to them like I can with girls I'm not attracted/interested in.

 

Anyone become more outgoing over the years and break their routine of shyness? Have any advice?

 

I appreciate it.

[Slagar]

Shyness isn't something you can overcome overnight I think, but with time you can do it.

It's just a skill, like many other things in this world. Practice makes perfect.

 

You just have to let go. Seriously. Don't think about what you're going to say, or how you're going to say it. Don't worry about what they'll say next, or the outcome of the conversation. Just say something. Don't necessarily wait for it to "pop into your head" either... as this leads to thought

 

Just say something. Start up conversation. Anything at all will do. "Nice shirt." "Your hair looks cool today." "Damn I'm tired!" "Have you started your assignment?"

Anything. You can't go wrong. No one is going to think less of you, or judge you, or even take any notice other than to listen to what you have to say. You're just talking!

Honestly, if anyone does actually make something out of what you've said, especially something so simple, then they are the one with the problem. In that case, just ignore them - you have better people to talk to

 

It's harder with attractive girls, simply because you care more about what they think/the outcome of conversation. But deep down, it's exactly the same thing. You just need to say "Hi! How are you? What class do you have now?"

 

Just don't even think. You'll be fine. Practice makes perfect. It's a skill. The more you practice, the better you get.

 

I used to be much more shy than I currently am, even though I'm still largely a soft-spoken person. But I'm quite happy with that and I like it. I simply don't let shyness hold me back anymore.

 

Go to it - good luck

[GeneralLee]

Well, I've been slowly breaking out of my shell this past year, and I'm still making progress. My advice is to go somwhere where you're unlikely to see anyone you know. This takes alot of the stress out of things. If you go somewhere where you're likely to meet people you'll never see again, it becomes a whole lot easier because that anxiety about having to face them again after embarrassing yourself is gone. For example I live about 80 miles South of Cleveland Ohio. I was in Cleveland today for a concert, but I got there about two hours before anything started, so I just walked around the arena. I made it my mission to smile at every girl I saw who I thought was pretty. The results, not one of them was rude, and many returned the smile. My point is, I must have smiled at upwards of 50 girls and out of that many, not one was rude about it, and about half of them smiled back. The other half just pretended to, or actually didn't notice. Just try it that way. Set yourself little goals like that, and gradually chip away at your shell. You don't have to break it all at once, just a piece at a time, slow and easy, at your pace.

[easyguy]

MetallicAGuy, I posted a thread that relates a lot to this issue:

Easing comfort with socializing, talking.

(A testimonial of sorts)