i can't believe i broke NC!

[kekep]

after 2 months of NC, i pick TODAY of all days to email my ex. yes, even after all my ranting to other enotaloners about how they needed to stay strong and go through NC, I was stupid enough to break it myself. Here is the email and response from my ex...I have been crying at work all day

 

my email

Hey there,

 

I'm not sure how you are going to take this considering my last attempt at correspondence with you, but I figured it was worth trying anyway.

I know the last time I wrote you said you were not ready to be friends, but I was hoping that at this point you would be willing to give it the ol college try. For awhile, I thought it would be possible (and for the

best) to just not have you in my life at all, but you have played such a huge role in my life that I would prefer not to have things that way.

 

If a friendship is not possible for you, I know I will have to accept that as your decision. Either way, I'd like you to know that despite everything, you are still very important to me and I think of you alot.

The door will always be open if your answer is no right now.

 

his response

It's good to hear from you. There is one side of me that has thought a lot of about you and has been curious to know how you are doing. I truly hope you are doing alright and that you are finding happiness. I know that I personally have been very up and down with my emotions.

There are days that I really miss you and days that I am happy and content. There are days that I question my decision to end the relationship and other days that I feel that my decision was for the best. There are times that I enjoy my freedom and the time I have spent traveling and touching base with old friends and there are times when I feel so lonely and I just want to see you, hold you, and talk with you again. As you can see from this I am still a ball of emotions and feelings and I really don't have the stability and clear perspective yet to invite you back into my life. I think it would be too hard and awkward right now and our emotional instability could destory any chance of having a relationship in the future. I think I need to feel comfortable in my life and know where I stand before I can have any type of continued relationship with you.

It means a lot that you would reach out to me and I really hope you are doing well. But I still think space and time is what I need to find solid footing in my life and to sort everything out

 

can i ask, why the hell do i do this to myself?!! oh well, back to square one...

[Beec]

I can understand that you are upset because he still wants to have little or no contact. But, I think it's otherwise a good response. I was not written by someone who does not care for you.

[kermit]

So you think you did the wrong thing. Big deal. He answered politely, and told you what he is up to. No more wondering for you.

 

Day one starts again tomorrow. Don't beat yourself up about it.

[langford]

I agree with Beec it's very obvious in his email that he still cares very deeply for you and that should be of some comfort.He's really just asking for time and space to figure out what he wants,its essential you let him have that now.

 

I know exactly how you feel about breaking NC it really does put you right back at the beginning.

[stunned]

kekep,

 

Here's a virtual hug. I would agree, don't beat up on yourself. occasionally, we can't resist contacting our exs. I did it on Thanksgiving. Unlike your ex, mine did't respond. I don't know which is worse, the response that you got or no response. Your ex acknowledged that he still misses you. Although he wants to maintain NC now, he hasn't ruled out being friends at some point in the future.

 

Go back to NC and continue to focus on yourself and making yourself whole again. Get out, mingle with friends, stay active and try to beat depression. Love and pamper yourself. You deserve it. When you get low (and we'll all experience lows as well as highs, even when we've started healing) come here and post. You're not alone.

[kekep]

big thanks to everyone for your responses

[little red]

NC is one of the most painful and difficult things I have ever had to do.

 

Like you, I went back on it and I know the emotions that you are feeling.

 

Try to hold on to the fact that he genuinely cares for you and is finding it as hard as you are.

 

Stay strong - you will make it through this and I hope (for you as well as for myself) that you will be able to have the friendship with him that you long for.

 

Thinking of you.

 

LR