is it worth it anymore??

[mermayd]

I have always wanted to have the cinderella wedding and two children and a white picket fence. The american dream. But lately, every time I turn around, people are not happy in their marraiges and are getting divorced left and right. Whats the point in getting married when you have come to expect to get divorced and be hurt?? Why is well over half of the married population suffering from infidelity? I dont want to deal with that! I want to marry someone and be with them for the rest of my life. What happened to "through sickness and in health, good times in bad, till death do you part"? I feel like the chances of having a happy marraige are slim to none. Not that I am thinking of doing so any time soon, but when the day comes that I am considering spending my life with someone, I feel taht I have to expect to be hurt by them in the future. 20 years down the line they will find someone new and cheat on me. Why should I subject myself to that kind of pain? You think you know someone when you marry them and everyone thinks that their partner will be faithful to them for all times. But how likely is it that this will happen anymore??

This is my life and I want a marraige and a happy one at that. But I dont want to get hurt and divorced in the end. So which direction do I head? I wish I could have a say in the outcome, seeing as how it will affect my life greatly either way. But realistically, will I have a wonderful marraige at all? Maybe I should just forget the idea all together and never get married just to spare myself the pain bc it is likely to happen. I dont mean to sound so cynical. I do love the idea of a happily ever after life. Im just always getting these doubts lately.

Who knows, as disgusted as I am by the idea...maybe those swingers have the right idea...

[tripleraven]

why are you worried about all of this?

 

just enjoy life!

[puffdaddycurl]

Ok i dont know if you were asking any questions on this post but i just wanted to add that you are 100% correct on this post. My parents are going through a ruff time and i know that with in the next year there going to get divorsed i hate to say it but its obvious. But I would like to add that people need to pay more attention to marrage because its one of the most important things in life, i mean dont be going out with some lady/guy for 4months to a year and then propose you need to atleast wait around 4-5 years because then you will know if the man/woman can be with you or gets sick of you. so just wait and find that mister/missis perfect instead of marrying someone you hardly know.

 

 

Sincerly

puff

[Alibi]

I think people are just rushing their lives too fast with too much. They jump at the first person they are attracted to and by the time they find out that they aren't the right person, they are already married and have kids with them.

[Ren2003]

You know what the problem is?

People are too quick to give up. People are too damn lazy and dont want to work at a marriage. Ive seen it happen to a couple of people.

Most times there are children involved and that just sucks.

People like that are selfish and only do whats best for them. I dont care what anyone says.. they dont care about anyone but themselves.

 

Dont get me wrong though, I can see if there has been a problem with your marriage for some time due to drinking, drugs, gambling, abusive behavior and youve tried to work on it many times with no luck, then I can see by leaving.

But when someone just decides.. Oh..I dont love you anymore and BOOM they want a divorce, They dont know the first meaning about love.

Why did they take that vow in the first place?

It meant absolutely nothing. Then half the time they think the grass is always greener on the other side, when its really not.. then they try crawling back after its too late.

 

If you do ever get married... I wouldnt sit and worry about it. Wait for quite awhile before you marry him.

Best of luck in your marriage someday.

You can make it work!

[mermayd]

I agree with all of the above posts. I think it is incredibly important to know the person you may marry for at least five years before a decision is made. Also, it is important you are of the age of reason to make this decision. Ok, know the person 5 years after you reach the age of reason, and things MAY work out. I also think its important for people to live together for some time before marrying. How do you knwo what you are signing youself into otherwise???

[idunno]

my parents will celebrate their 40th anniversary next year. they still act like kids with each other. they make it a point to let the other know how important they are. they love each other. it sounds stupid but its real. if you love someone you can stay together. ive been married for nine years now and i love my wife now much, much more than i did when i met her. be a good person, ask god to forgive the things you've done. maybe he'll cut you a break.

[Baffler Meal]

mermayd, I hear you. I've been thinking along the same lines lately. Waiting is not the answer. I'm sure that there are couples who got married in a short time and had it work out. There are plenty of arranged marriages that work out great.

 

I was in a ten year relationship that just vanished one day. I lived with her seven years. Everything was completely normal until one day she kissed me goodbye in the morning and never contacted me. Ten years.

I met a man this weekend who said he was married 33 years and in his words "it went straight to the gutter" suddenly. Giving it time won't work, You never know.

 

I'm 25 and this was my first girlfriend, so people right away told me to "just go have fun". I still can't fathom being in a relationship that isn't pretty "serious". Now that I'm really considering what another relationship might be like, I have equal concerns over another long-term committed relationship.

 

I went to a big party spot this weekend, just to get out and do something. There were numerous bachelorette parties stumbling around and I ended up interacting with a few of them. These girls were younger than me, and I just felt so sorry for them. I hope they don't end up like me. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. This feeling set off some alarm bells for me. On the one hand I desire a long-term relationship, but I found myself feeling sorry for these brides-to-be. Obviously, I'm confused.

 

There is nothing that would make me happier than a relationship like the one I had. I'm convinced the only way to achieve that level of depth and comfort that I felt is by going through a huge amount and variety of experiences together. Basically, it takes time. But I cannot be hurt like this again, because it damn near killed me. I have to find some way to protect myself, which of course will be sensed by the other party as being distant and afraid of commitment.

 

I don't have clue number one about what the hell I want. But I know you can't assume that because you have a great relationship for a few decades that it will be there when you wake up tomorrow.

[WorkingThruIt]

mermayd,

 

I can understand your concern, as the statistics do show that more than half of all marriages end up in divorce. I remember being told that the first year of marriage was the hardest, but after beating that awhile back, I dont necessarily agree with the first year being the hardest....lol

 

whatsthematterwithren hit it right, people do not understand or embrace the idea that marriage is not soemthing you do once and its happily ever after, MARRIAGE IS WORK! Each and every day, work. I have been with my wife for going on 8 years, we have been married going on 4, but that is slightly deceiving because I proposed to her after 2 months of dating.. I know... crazy! We did have a long engagement, and during that engagement we did have a child together. I know again, not the brightest idea, but you deal with the cards dealt.

 

In the past few months, my wife admitted to me that she had cheated on me. You can not imagine the pain, and the suffering I went through, and to some extent continue to go through. But you know what? I love my wife, and although it was not something I condone, her infidelity probably saved our marriage. It made me realize that I was taking the marriage for granted, and so was she. In todays fast food, dual-income, soccer mom always going environment, you tend to take things for granted and overlook the roses rather than stopping to smell them. We have three beautiful daughters, (oldest is my step daughter) and we both work different shifts to have one of us home with the girls all the time. (Also to save daycare costs, astronomical) well you can imagine the time we actually spent with each other, virtually none. If we wee home at the same time, one of us was exhausted and sleeping.

 

After she admitted to me, I realized how important marriage is, and most important how much I loved her. We went to counseling, and have read a lot of great books on relationships, and we realize that we need to work at our marriage with as much if not more commitment than anything else in our lives. Marriage is something you do, everyday, not just the wedding day. We set time specifically for each other, even if it is only 30 for that day, we set it aside to be with each other. We set our schedules to have one night a week together, and at least do a rent a movie date night, if not go out together.

 

People today get involved in a relationship, and they are blinded by the first initial hormone/love/lust filled rush that entails, and they do not realize that the honeymoon phase ends, and that is where the real couples flourish, and the wannabes wane.

 

I am rambling, and I am sorry for that, but I really hope that you do not fear marriage and avoid it for the wrong reasons. In the same thought, I hope you wait until you find that right person for you, when your heart tells you its right, and you take the time to fall in love completely, and work together on the relationship to help it progress. I say this, because even though I did suffer being cheated on, I would not go back and change the fact that I married my wife, because my marriage is the best thing that ever happened in my life, a definate blessing from God!

 

If you feel like you want some more rambling, lemme know..lol I hope things work out for you, and I am sure that they will.....

[PJ]

I think people are just rushing their lives too fast with too much. They jump at the first person they are attracted to and by the time they find out that they aren't the right person, they are already married and have kids with them.

 

These are my thoughts too. A lot of people are settling..and by that I don't mean they don't love the person...because they do. But they are settling for the first "love" that comes along where marriage is asked. If they are like I was, so scared that they will miss that someone, or in such a hurry to find them..that you sometimes think you found them when you didn't.

 

I also think that living with someone first is a good idea. Because of religious reasons I normally would NEVER agree with this. But so many people get married then realize once they live together that it wont work..I have SO switched on this issue.

 

*sigh* what to do