I suck at relationships :(

[FiguredOuT]

I just realized it.Two guys have broken up with me,the first one I had a 4month relationship and with the other 2 months.In the first one I was really myself,I could open up and feel free to share everything with him..he told me recently that the reason he broke up with me was that he was annoyed that I had potential but didn't use it-that I never acted serious,always just joked and had fun.I was just so f***ing happy,I couldn't hold my joy and be serious..I don't know..I broke up with him in the first place after 3 months,then we got back together and after a month he broke things off.Both of my ex-es said that one of the problems was that we never had fights.After my first break up I was devasted,because the only person I could be myself with just threw me out of his life...imagine how I felt.So in the 2months relationship I was afraid to be myself,I was so afraid to make a mistake or anything that I just didn't work in the relationship properly..plus I got always criticised by him..that I don't share,that I lie,don't trust him...he didn't even like the way I looked at him Maybe I just have a terrible personality and that's why they broke up with me It seems I attract men only because of my looks and sense of humor,which in time starts annoying them I guess...I've had other relationships but they weren't serious and I was the one who broke things off.I'll probably just give up this crap.I feel like I can't do anything right

[Layword]

You sound like my kind of girl. Cheer up, theres a someone out there for everyone! Never change because of a past relationship, in fact, don't even listen to what your first BF said. You were awesome in that relationship, he just couldn't handle your awesomeness.

[Biffy]

You just haven't met the right guy yet. Some of us like a good sense of humour and fun!

[xLDx]

I was in the same position as you were, and I thought the same thing. Often I'd sit there and put myself down because I didn't believe that there was anyone out there for me. That I was just so useless that no one could see anything worth while in me.

 

My first serious relationship was 2 and a half months. It was horrible. I felt overattached just because I was affectionate, and she made it quite clear that she thought I was. I felt like I was clinging the whole time, and that she saw me as a pushover. The relationship ended horribly. I was shattered. I thought I was just too dependent on people for them to even go for me. That I'd scare them away.

 

Then I met another girl out of the blue. The relationship lasted 11 months, and ended due to LDR strife. We both still care for each other very much, but the relationship was ended due to circumstance, and I was the one who ended it.

 

You just need to find the right person. Someone who's own behaviour compliments your own. There will be someone out there for you, no matter what you may think now. It may not be obvious, it it could very well come out of the blue, but you can't expect every single relationship to be perfect. Relationships are all experiments. You just need to have the right reagents to make a good one~

 

Your time will come, I assure you that. For the time being though, it sucks. I've been there, I can't numb all the pain for you, it's something that's tough to deal with, and it might be a struggle until you do finally find someone. Though, it's a struggle worth fighting, because I promise you that a mr. right is somewhere out there for you.

 

We're here for you if you need us~

[FiguredOuT]

So..that's not fatal? I just don't think I could change my whole personality just to be in a normal relationship And the reason we didn't have fights is because I really tried not to make arguments from stupid small things which I consider meaningless.I prefer the normal adult talk.I don't consider the fact him hanging out with friends one night instead with me a reason to yell at him.But my second boyfriend told me that's what I should have done.Am I missing something?

[Roasted Carrots]

Let me get this straight. They broke up with you because you didn't fight? They broke up with you because you were caring, joyful, funny, and forgiving? What on earth?

 

Forget these guys and keep plugging away. You'll find a guy that appreciates a girl that doesn't pick fights over every little thing and creates drama out of boredom. Trust me, they are out there.

 

Hugs

[Biffy]

So..that's not fatal? I just don't think I could change my whole personality just to be in a normal relationship And the reason we didn't have fights is because I really tried not to make arguments from stupid small things which I consider meaningless.I prefer the normal adult talk.I don't consider the fact him hanging out with friends one night instead with me a reason to yell at him.But my second boyfriend told me that's what I should have done.Am I missing something?

 

 

Yep, you're missing a partner as mature as you! You sound like you have a good understanding of how relationships SHOULD work especially in that you shouldn't stop living your life ans spend all your time with your partner. As long as you don't let BIG issues slide then I can't see any problem with your handling of conflicts either.

 

Maybe your only problem is finding a partner that's suited to you??

[FiguredOuT]

Let me get this straight. They broke up with you because you didn't fight? They broke up with you because you were caring, joyful, funny, and forgiving? What on earth?

 

Hugs

 

That's what they said,which confused me I always thought the less are the fights,the better and harmonic it would be.It seemed they were both used to the type of girls who are hysteric,too open(always talking) and kinda clingy.I like having my personal space and think it's reasonable to give my bf some too.But the second ex accused me of "not showing enough that I care" because I didn't invite him for a walk every night.I did call him every day like twice,supported him as much as I could..I don't know what's wrong with me ](*,)

[Roasted Carrots]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Those guys are simply not mature enough for an adult relationship. They need a hysterical girl to tell them what to fight about and how to think. They have obviously never been in a mature relationship, and broke up with you because they wanted to be mindless drones with controlling girlfriends.

 

And you're right, relationships are *so* much more harmonic when you don't pick and fight about every little thing. You can actually enjoy each other's company when you don't let every little thing ruffle your feathers.

 

There are mature guys out there who would do anything for a girl that doesn't pick fights. Keep your chin up! They're out there, just waiting for a girl like you.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

one thing i've learned is that when people break up with you, they will frequently say the oddest things as excuses why they are dumping you. i mean, how often does anyone hear, 'i'm breaking up with you because i am a jerk who wants to date your best friend because she's hot,' or 'i'm breaking up with you because i'm a money grubbing witch who wants to date a guy with more money so i can buy cool stuff.' no, you will hear, 'YOU are too tall', 'or too short', or 'laugh too much', or....

 

in other words, NOBODY ever blames themselves for their own contribution to the breakup or even the desire to break up, and frequently they don't even tell you the truth about why they are dumping you because it is too embarrassing for them, makes them look bad, they are cheating on you already and have someone waiting, or are selfish andn blind to their own faults, etc. etc.

 

so if the worst things they can say are you are too happy and too funny and don't fight enough, what is THEIR problem?? sounds like you are young, and if these are young guys, they may just be restless and not ready to spend too much time with any girl, so when they spy a new interest, they just pull whatever excuse they can think of at the moment (that they think you will buy) out of their pocket and slam it on you as the reason for the breakup.

 

so pleeeeaaassse, don't take it as there is something wrong with you, they may just want to date lots of different girls, and you were just a stop on the line for them in their quest for the next girl down the line. they have to say something, so of course it is going to be all your fault!

 

if someone is really compatible with you, and has a decent attention span, he would love the very things that someone else criticizes about you and think they are great. i dated a guy once who kept telling me that i was always raining on his parade and too controlling, when the problem was that he was the most irresponsible, selfish, and immature guy on the planet, who wanted to do every little thing he pleased, not be accountable to anybody for anything, and never do one thing for me, while i was supposed to take care of him, then he would tell me i was controlling while he was borrowing money from me! i laugh at the inconsistencies there when i look back on it now, but i was shocked when he told me that, because other people had told me how nice and easy going i was, and here this guy was trying to make me feel terrible and like a villain for just being an adult when he was behaving badly!

 

so i say, on to the next one, and forget about these guys. you are who you are, and you sound like a very nice fun and thoughtful person, so who needs them, get someone who is fun loving and considerate too.... NEXT!!

[FiguredOuT]

Well...I really hope you're right.Anyway,what are the most important things in a relationship? I think I know them,but just to be sure I'm not missing anything,I'll need your help here.My mind still can't understand all of this.Maybe I should become an emotional wreck.

[Roasted Carrots]

Don't become an emotional wreck. You're not the problem, those ex-boyfriends are.

 

For me, the most important thing in a relationship is humor. That goes for family, friends, boyfriends, teachers, whatever. If you cant' make me laugh, I don't want to be around you.

 

After that are the basics: Trust, communication, honestly, thoughtfulness, being romantic, support, patience.....all those good things.

 

Have some confidence in yourself. You sound like a wonderful person. Raise your standards in boyfriends and don't let yourself settle for an immature relationship.

 

Hugs

[FiguredOuT]

Thanks to everyone.That boosted my self confidence a little.I'm actually a confident person,though after my first break-up deep inside of me I get scared that the guy will dump me.Can't there be a person who would guarantee that he really cares about you that much that he wouldn't leave you for something so meaningless..? I don't know,maybe I'm getting into this too serious.All I ever wanted was a stable,harmonic,caring relationship.And all I got was a guy who told me I'm the perfect girl for him,then after I dumped him,got back together and out of nowhere he decided that we weren't compatible,following by a nerve-breaking,criticising,blaming-me-for-everything,selfish guy,whose negatives I accepted,but he chose the easy way out.This is confusing,at least to me.

[Roasted Carrots]

I'm sorry that it's so confusing for you. Yes, there are people out there who will promise never to break your heart, and yet they rip your heart out and step on it. There are people who will not promise you anything and hurt you anyway. And yet, there are also people who truly care about you and try their best not to hurt you.

 

You sound like a confident person who's just fallen on hard times. Like I said, chin up. Everything will get better. Don't be afraid to trust people, just don't put your trust in someone too soon.