I need some advice or opinions

[nomoretears4uboo]

Thanks to all for your advice

[Meow18]

He doesn't want the relationship to end up like his past relationships, but honestly, that's where it's headed.

 

In ways, I don't think that he had enough time to himself to really think about what went wrong in his past relationship. And it doesn't sound like he's thinking about how it could be better. So things are likely to repeat.

 

But you have only been together 2 months. Why are you even talking about your future together-marriage and kids? Right now you should be working on building a good solid relationship and see if you can even get through that much of it.

 

I think he needs time to himself. He is confused and it's not fair for him to take you through it.

[Scotcha]

I get the feeling that this guy really needs some time to himself. Here's why:

 

He said cares about me a lot that it wasn't me it was him. But, he wasn't breaking up with me he just needed to think about some stuff. And if he decided not to be with me he was being honest with me and not leaving me in the dark and then this wouldn't just come out of the blue.

 

Don't hang around waiting for him to break up with you; dump him.

 

You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you and if he can't see how great you are that's his loss.

[nomoretears4uboo]

Well, he was the one who came up with the baby idea. And I kept telling him not until i was married and all that good stuff. We also see each other almost everyday. So in the past 60 days its been maybe not even 10 days that we havent seen each other. I think we might be spending too much time together. And its not like giving us time to miss each other either. My last relastionship lasted a year and I saw him everyday. Specially because we worked together and hung out after work. So I dont want him getting tired of me. Any ideas on how to build a good solid relationship like you mentioned?

[ratherbesailing]

How old is he?

[Meow18]

Well, you both need to realize that arguing will get you no where. Of course you need to discuss issues, but if they go unsolved, then it really will just build up til neither of you can handle it anymore.

 

But really, I think he has his own issues that he needs to deal with before getting involved with someone else. He's confused. There's no way to really set him straight, only he can do that because only he really knows what's going on in his head.

 

He said he didn't want to be in a relationship because he didn't want it turning out like the past. But he never really had time to figure out what exactly went wrong. Different relationships will have different struggles. He needs to get past the past relationship's struggles before he can get into a new one.

 

In my opinion, you should maybe take a break and give him time to sort through his feelings.

[nomoretears4uboo]

He's 21 will be 22 in march. And I'll be 21 in January.

[Scotcha]

It is possible that he scared himself by talking of marriage and babies so soon into the relationship. I know it's not your fault because he's the one who brought it up but it is very likely that he scared himself.

 

I want to slightly modify my previous advice.

 

I think before ending things you should have a talk with him and tell him that you are not thinking about marriage or babies and would just like to take things as they come, one day at a time.

 

If he still seems kind of wishy washy after that then I would think about taking a break from this guy.

[ratherbesailing]

You have to realize that most guys are pretty immature at 21, that's why I asked. He needs some time to mature before he'll be serious enough for a real relationship let alone kids. If you can keep your expectations in line with his maturity level then don't take what he says all that seriously and just have fun. Just tell him you don't want to discuss marriage and kids for at least another year.

 

If you are falling for his lines about kids and marriage then you need to get out of this relationship. He's not ready for you.

[nomoretears4uboo]

I was thinking about that. I think that could really have been one of the things that scared him, because, he likes to live one day at a time and when he started to talk about babies that what shocked me. he wont even make any plans for the same week lol. So that and along with thinking the little arguments we had reminded him of his last relationship which all he did was argue. Couldve made him him doubtful right?

[nomoretears4uboo]

You're right plus, there's no way I'm ready for a kid or marriage now. I'm bearly looking for another job lol

[BeStrongBeHappy]

wow, i think he is seriously confused if on the one hand he is talking about going too fast and maybe wanting to break up with you, and then he talks about how he wants to have a baby with you BEFORE marriage! and he's only 21...

 

i don't think he is ready for any serious relationship right now, and especially not ready for a baby with someone he's not even sure he wants to commit to! and then he tries to project this all onto you like you're the one saying/doing these things.

 

are you sure he doesn't have some kind of mental problems? that all sounds kind of irrational to me, when it's all added together. could he be bi-polar or something?

 

the other thought that occurs to me is, are you sure he is being sincere with all these conflicting statements? maybe he is contemplating breakup because he doesn't want to get serious, then all of a sudden he starts feeling horny and decides he wants to sleep with you, he knows that upset you so he comes up with this big passionate speech about babies to woo you and get you into bed for the evening, then recants it all later... all of it seems kind of strange to me.

[nomoretears4uboo]

Well, I know he has some issues with himself. Like when we started out he kept telling me he had no idea how i feel the same way he does and it boogles his mind. Like he didnt believe that I was totally into him. Then some people told him that he had to watch out for me that I was a flirt and that I would end up breaking his heart. And I was shocked because, everything these ppl were telling him where all lies. But, anyway it think he has some trust issues, for sure, he didnt trust his ex. She cheated on him with her ex. He does have some kinda anger problems and he knows he's needs help. He's gotten some help self books and he is trying to fix it on his on before he gets professional help. Which one of the things he needed to deal with before getting in a relationship. But, I dont know if that would be bi-polar?