ok, now what??? (sorry it's long)

[scared44]

I've posted on here before, and nothing is any better.

 

(Just to get you up to date) After living with my boyfriend for three years, his ex-wife has gotten in touch with him and wants to get back together. He is confused about what he wants. I have put up with him visiting her, calling her, her calling him, her texting him, and so on. I told him about a month ago that I was moving out because I couldn't handle "their" relationship any more. Now just to interject something here-he thinks I'm blowing things way out of proportion. I know her pass code to her voicemail and I know his. So I've heard both of their messages to each other. His have been mostly basic messages, but hers are "I love you", "I want to be with you tonight" things of that nature. Now I know that I am just as dishonest going behind their back and listening to those messages, but I would never know anything that is going on if I didn't. He comes home and acts like there is nothing wrong.

 

So when I tell him that I'm moving out, he decides that he wants to move with me. He says he wants to be with me. I told him that he is going to have to do some serious soul searching, that I don't want him bringing all his baggage with him. He said he was all set, it is me he wants to be with.

 

Well, since then, they have still been in touch. She called Saturday and asked to use his truck to move and he let her. I told him Sunday that I was done, that he needed to just go. He said he isn't calling her (obviously lying) and doesn't want her. I just called about ten minutes ago and listened to her messages and he called her (right after he hung up with me). The message was "Just calling to see what was going on. I'm just delivering equipment around town today and thought I'd give you a call. I'll try you again later. C-ya." Now I know that is a basic message, but what the heck?

 

My question is, I'm going to be with my family in PA for the holidays. I live in ME, and so I'll be gone for a few days. Should I just tell him to pack up and be gone when I get home? I love him very, very much, but I can't handle this whole situation any longer. I don't know if it's just an ego boost to have us both hanging on, but I can't deal with this, and I don't think I deserve it. I just need to strength to let go...

[ratherbesailing]

Scared -

 

I think you have the right idea. He is mixed up and he's not very honest. Honesty is the most important thing in a relationship. This one doesn't have it.

 

Give him some time alone and let him figure out what it is that he wants. Whether you give him another chance down the road is up to you, just remember he is lying to you and denying it when confronted.

[amtjrtcet]

Sounds like you need to move on honey. He's a complete liar. He obviously doesn't have a clue who/what he wants.

 

How in the world did you get the pass word to her voicemail???

[scared44]

I know you are right...I just don't want to admit it. After he got home last night, I checked his phone and he had deleted the dialed call that he had made to her earlier in the day that I intercepted-just so he can lie to me and tell me he didn't call her. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Makes me want to scream!!!

 

About her passcode...I just figured that she is kind of numb, and probably didn't change it from when the phone company set it...it's usually the last four digits of your number-I tried it, and it worked!!! I know it's very dishonest, and I do feel bad about it...sometimes I just think that ignorance is bliss and I should just stop checking their phones.