I miss you

[violingirl]

I miss you, Matt. I've wanted to say this to you every day since you broke up with me. Actually, I did tell you this once shortly after our breakup, but you only responded "thank you," which hurt me more than you could know. So, of course I can't actually tell you that I miss you now, so I'm saying it here, because I doubt that you know about this forum and I, thus, can't be rejected if you don't read this.

 

But I truly do miss you and want to see you and be with you again. I think about you every day. Even though you hurt me badly and almost two years have passed, I still care about you and have feelings for you.

 

I just felt the need to express my feelings and don't know any other way to do so, because I can't tell Matt how I feel. I couldn't bear to get rejected by him. Sorry if I bored anyone.

[Newo Ikkin]

There's not much I can say to help, but just to let you know I acknowledged and read your post. You haven't "bored" anybody! x

[violingirl]

Thanks for your kind words.

 

I would give anything to tell Matt that I miss him and have him reciprocate. If only . . .

 

I think that I'm feeling down today because of work stress and because the holidays are here again and I'm still alone. I think that I will always be alone.

[Roasted Carrots]

You are not alone!

 

The holidays can be stressful with or without that someone special. They can also be a time of healing when you're surrounded by close friends and family, all these people who love you, care about you, and know you.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your break-up. It is hurtful to be so vulnerable, and to reach out to someone and have them only say "Thank you" instead of the words you wanted to hear.

 

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

 

Hugs.

[Rebecca75]

Thank you violingirl for your post. Because of your's, I feel that I can write this,...

 

John, I miss you when I wake up, and I miss you every minute of the day. Before I turn off the lights at night, I tell you "goodnight honey" every single night. You are in my thoughts, your in my prayers. I love you with all of my heart, and getting over you will be the most difficult thing that I have ever had to do. I am trying my best to give you your needed time to think about things. I know that you say that you have not "given up on us", but your actions tell a different story.

 

This is the most difficult thing that I have ever done. Thank goodness for this website. I am trying my best to do the NC, but God is it hard. Sometimes I feel as if I am about to go insane if I don't hear from him. Thank you to everyone for all of the posts. It helps to know that I am not alone in my feelings.

 

--Rebecca

[violingirl]

Rebecca75, I'm glad that you found my post helpful. I'm also glad that I'm not alone in feeling this way about my ex. However, since it's been nearly 2 years since my breakup, there isn't much of a chance of us ever getting back together, unfortunately, even though we are on speaking terms. I'd give anything for just a glimmer of hope from Matt, though.

[Rebecca75]

violingirl--since the break-up, have you dated anyone else? How long were you & Matt together? Do you see him out-and-about on a regular basis or anything?

 

For myself I am just going into the 3rd week of our break-up. I swear at this point I could not eve imagine myself moving on from John. And honestly what makes things worse is that I really don't have any girlfriends in the area any longer--they all have moved, gotten married--had kids--you know the deal. Everything that I saw John & I doing in the future. So, other than family and co-workers, I am totally alone now. All of my friends were his friends. Now they are all gone--everything is gone. Man,...it's really unreal to me that our relationship could possibly be over. It's hard for me to even believe.

[violingirl]

Rebecca75, Matt and I were together for 19 months, until he suddenly broke up with me on 1/26/05. I haven't seen him since February 9, 2005, when we finally discussed the breakup in person (he broke up with me over the phone). When he broke up with me he told me that he needed to be alone and work on his issues and also said that we may get back together in the future. I later found out that he had left me for one of his ex-girlfriends, Sharon (who he encouraged me to be friends with during our relationship) - he emotionally cheated on me with her the last 2 months of our relationship. He initially denied it, but much later admitted it and also later admitted that he had cheated on me with another ex-girlfriend during our relationship (he made out with her). Matt and I are on speaking terms (phone or e-mail), but he refuses to see me in person, because he "has to make Sharon his priority." Although we both live/work in NYC, we haven't run into each other once. From what he has told me, he and Sharon are not "girlfriend-boyfriend" but something "undefinable" (his words) and have not had sex yet. It's a weird situation and they don't see each other often. He told me that he likes that she gives him as much space as he could possibly want. From my research, I know that he is a commitmentphobe.

 

Matt and I were so great together. We have so much in common, the sex/chemistry was fantastic (even now he describes it as "amazing"), we were so close emotionally and never ran out of things to talk about. We liked doing the same things. I've never experienced such closeness and intimacy with any other man. He was my longest relationship. I love him with all my heart, despite what he did.

 

I've tried dating other men since the breakup. I joined link removed and link removed and went out on 28 dates with 24 different men, but haven't been able to find a man I "click" with. There was one guy I really liked, but he had to move to CA for a job (we went on 2 dates). There have been a couple of other guys who seemed promising - I had good first dates with them that ended in a nice good-night kiss and they told me that they wanted to see me again, but they just disappeared. I was set to go out on a second date with another guy when I found out that he already had a girlfriend, so I told him I was no longer interested. At this point, I'm sick of dating and am taking a break from it. So, as you can see, I've had no luck with men since the breakup with Matt.

[violingirl]

Rebecca, how long were you and John together? Have you spoken to him since the breakup?

 

I understand about losing friends/family via the breakup. I was close to Matt's family and some of his friends.

[Rebecca75]

violingirl--I feel your pain. I can only imagine how you must feel with trying to move on. Especially when you have Matt in your mind & heart. I am sure that you just think about how you clicked so well with him, and how you were so happy with him. It sounds like he an the girl he's with have a strange sort of relationship. Basically it sounds like she does what she wants, and he does what he wants--then they get together now and again.

 

John & I were together just about 2 years. We had a wonderful relationship. I've never loved anyone like I love him. He was my bestfriend. The only contact we've had was I had to call him regarding a planned vacation that had to be canceled. That turned into a 2 hour conversation. Basically me saying, please see what we have is too good to throw away--him saying I don't want to give up on us I just need some time--etc. Other than that, he has sent me text messages saying, I miss you & I love you, or thinking of you. Of course I reply each time. I have sent a couple of my own to him as well. But now I am trying my best to do the NC thing. Man is it ever hard. Especially with the holidays here now. I am trying to be strong here, but am really having a difficult time. I've missed work, cry almost all day--can't eat--can't think about anything else. I'm just a total MESS!!!

[violingirl]

Matt, if you happen to read this, I miss you, I love you and I always will. Please give us a second chance.

[Caterina]

Ouch. This guy doesn't sound like he has upstanding character...people are attracted to what makes them happy, but in the end this is someone who did not respect you. I know that seems obvious and I wish I could say something that would make things right but I don't think you should have him in your life.

[violingirl]

Caterina, it's been almost 2 years and I still miss him every day. I really don't think that I'll ever stop missing him. I so badly want to be with him again. It's so hard feeling this way for so long, but there's nothing I can (or have been able to) do about it. Believe me, I've tried everything (therapy; going on dates with other men).

[Caterina]

I'm not accusing you it just hurts me to see someone pine over someone who would do this to them. I can understand that you have feelings for him, but the practicalities of how he decieved you and leads you on and dumped you and cheated on you should overshadow that, I'd think. I am really sorry for your pain and I know that I don't understand it.

[Kate07]

Violingirl and Rebecca75, I totally understand the pain you are going through, My ex-boyfriend and I broke up a week ago and it hurts like hell. We were together for almost 19months. In our relationship he cheated on me twice (kissed other girls) and I never fully trusted him again.

I have spoken to him a couple of times since the break up and it hurt like hell. No Matter what he did to me I stuck around. I was there for him always and love him with all my heart, however I also know that i do not want to be devestated for the rest of my life and I certainly dont want to be pining over him in a years time.

I feel like I gave everything to that relationship, whilst he gave nothing and that he already has had 18 good months of my life he doesnt deserve another year, especially considering he is going out with other girls already, That is right he is over me in less then a week. So i totally understand your pain.

I have decided to look a little further inside myself and make myself happy first, Im going out tonight with some girlfirends and will hopefully take my mind off things, The only thing i guess i can say is if you want to call him, then do, just be prepared for what he might say, who knows you may finally get some closure.

I know it is hard without friends around, I only have my school friends (i finished 2 years ago) and unfortunately they are all friends with Ben (my ex). I have noticed that my sister has been excellent as well as my cousin and surprisingly enough, ben's best mates girlfriend. I have also noticed that those i thought were my friends have damaged any chance of us getting back together.

I know he treated me like dirt and that to him i wasnt worth enough to put in a little effort. But as you two would understand I love him and want him to want me, He was enough for me and I wasnt enough for him. I think one of the hardest things is that he kept lying to me, The night before he broke up with me he sent me 8 msg saying how much he loved me and even the day we broke up he told me we were strong enough to get through our rough period and then broke up with me two hours later.

However I have decided it is time to take control of my life, I am going to a really good counsillor tomorrow night for the first time, which i am a little bit scared about but also very happy about as well, I am regaining my friends, I have moved back home (i was living with him) and suddenly have a little bit more money to splurge on myself, But most of all I am doing what I want, when I want to.

I would encourage you girls to research something called 'Rayid', i found out about this today from my aunty, it is all about your eyes and what kind of people you are attracted to. My guess is that you guys may be like me and are what is called Flowers, they are incredibly scared of abbandonment and are attracted to Jewels, who are scared of being controlled, Unfortunately, you will be attracted to this type for the rest of your life and this type alone, thereforeeee you need to work on yourself and find an inner strength where you may love someone but dont need them.

Also i have found out that if you write a list of everything you like about your ex, and everything you hate about him, then write down all the questions that you have and burn them, whilst saying a prayer about giving your questions up to the universe to answer, that helps to.

But most of all I guess is hang in there, one day you will be happier and although he may never tell you he regrets it, one day he will work out what he lost, and you wont feel so alone.

For me i am distracting myself and trying not to think about him, especially him with other girls as that hurts to much and hopefully we will get our friendship back one day... good luck my thoughts are with you

[007]

Violin and Rebecca...

 

I lost my ex, and it's almost a year now. I understand the pain, and constant thoughts, emotions, etc. that come along with it all.

 

I still think of her everyday/night/morning/etc. ALL THE TIME.

 

I wonder if I can ever be happy without her? She didn't do me wrong, I lost her myself through my own foolish actions and lack of motivation.

 

So I can also say: I still love you and miss you, ex.

 

Don't worry, ladies...You aren't alone.

 

Problem for me is that I am starting a new job today, and I want to stay focused...But I find myself thinking of her. The reason is because I needed a real job, yet couldn't find one...

 

Now, I found this one, and I hope to make it at this job successfully.

 

Let's all try and stay focused on the present, and hope for peace and comfort in our minds, life, and personal journeys.

 

Hang in there, everyone.

 

-007

[Honey_30]

ive been single for a week today

he met someone else..i guess its ll pretty fresh for me..im having huge problems execping that i will never talk with him again

i hate feeling this way..i wish someone could bash me on the head and i wake up in a year when the pains gone away ;

 

i have no tears left...its a horrible feeling when your whole world is turned upside down in a split second.

 

take care all

[obscurity]

I also lost my ex last year. I broke up with him, and I feel iffy about the situation. Good, because he treated me badly, but of course there were good times, many actually. Bad, because I still think about him, and I miss him (havent talked or seen him in a long while).

 

I started dating, thinking it would help, but strangely it made me miss him even more. I love the new guy, but its not the same feeling, I dont know if this makes much sense. ....

[Ham]

How did he treat you badly? After all this time, you still miss him and you're obviously not getting what you want from your current situation.

 

Are they problems you could both overcome together after your time apart?

 

It may be worth calling him, I don't know, but he may be thinking the same thing as you and most things can be sorted out with time and trust.

[Rebecca75]

Well, I guess I have been doing nothing but just torturing myself lately about John & my break-up. Man was Thanksgiving difficult. First thing in the morning it started with a text message.....

 

He text me on Thanksgiving morning saying, "Happy Thanksgiving", I said back, "U too". Then he text, "Miss u". I didn't reply. Then about 30 minutes later he text, "LOTS". I still didn't reply. I went on about my day.

 

Then that night about 9pm I was back at hom and feeling so low--so I text'd him back saying, "Miss u 2". He said, "Hope u had a great Thanksgiving". I said, "Hope u did 2". He said, "It was good, but not the same without u". I said, "Nothing much is the same anymore". He said, "You are right about that". I said, "Have you given up on us". He said, "No, I don't want 2". I said, Are we going 2 talk...see each other & actually deal with things?". He said, "I don't know what to do". I said, "Come 2 me, talk 2 me, deal with things. Then maybe kiss me, hug me, love me,......" Well--I got no reply until the next morning. The last message was at about 10:30pm, so I figured he went to sleep. So first thing Friday morning he text me saying, "Sorry I fell asleep last night. Golfing in your back-yard today" So I said, "It's okay. Hope you have fun. Weather us suppose to be nice".

 

Then later on Friday evening I text him asking if he won in the tournament he was playing in and he just said no. Then I asked him if we could get together, and he text me saying that he was heading to DC to have dinner with some friends (newly married couple that lives in NY that was here for Thanksgiving). So I said, okay, you have fun--I love you & miss you so much. He text back, I love you & miss you lots.

 

Then on Saturday morning. Since I cannot sleep anymore I was up early (4:30am) and the only other people that are up would be my parents, so I drove to their house to visit for awhile. On my way home at about 9am, I sent a text to John saying, "I'm just on my way home and thought I would try you early--any chance we can get together?" He text'd back, "On your way home?". By the time I got that, I was home, so I text'd back, "Home now". He said, "You out shopping early this morning?". I said, "no, too crowded for that". Then about noon or so he text'd me saying, "not trying to avoid you but going 2 Va for a friends bday, then have the Skins game 2morrow. Sorry!". Soooooo----

 

I decided d*mn these flippen text messages, I am calling him. So I did, and we talked. He just says that he loves me, and he wants us to be together always, but because we argue at times, and have different things that have happened, he just does not know what to do. He's confused and does not know what to do, but has not given up on us. Says he's not seeing anyone, not dating anyone, etc. He said that everyone asked where I was at Thanksgiving as soon as he came through he door, and he just said I was with my family. He said that he hasn't said two words to anyone about us. He also said that we could get together and talk about things. I told him that I will wait for him to let me know when. He said that he will let me know, and hopefully it will be soon. I told him that I loved him, and he said he loved me too. That's it.

 

I have never, ever loved anyone like I love John. This is the most difficult thing that I have ever tried to go through. I just cannot imagine that all the he said to me throughout our replationship, all of our plans, just everything was a bunch of BS. I mean how can someone be away from the person that they say they love more than anything in the world?? This man said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and I really believed him. I never once second guessed any of it--I just knew in my hear that he was THE ONE.

 

On 5 Dec, it will be one month since I have seen John. I'm not sure that I am going to be able to hold myself together. I miss him more than I've ever missed anything in my life. It all just hurts so bad. I can't eat, sleep--nothing. I am totally obsessed it seems. It's just horrible.

[Kate07]

Rebecca75,

 

I am so sorry to hear how badly you are doing, I know how you feel. It is hard especially if he is texting you saying that he loves you. I dont know if you have heard of a book, He's just not into you. It is blunt and sometimes hard to hear but is very true i would suggest you might like to read it.

 

You said something about how can someone who loves you as much as he says he does just stay away from you? I know that feeling well to. My ex of almost two weeks used to say that he loved me and that we were strong enough to get through our rough period that we were going through (he broke up with me 2 hours after that comment), it is hard to realise and convince yourself that everything he has said throughout the relationship may just be a load of crap. I dont believe your boyfriend/ex boyrfriend doesnt care about you, he probably loves you to it just maybe in a different way.

 

If i were in your situation i would probably be acting the same way you are. However considering my ex doesnt want to get back with me im not in that situation, I would suggest moving on with your life, doing things you want to do and if you want to call him, do, but be prepared for what you might hear.

 

Im not going to suggest going on dates or anything like that just yet, that would be to hard, i know that but spoil yourself, date yourself, make yourself beautiful and go and get a facial/massage, do anything that you can think of to make yourself feel the slighest bit better.

 

My sister once said to me that when you are going through a break up nothing will make you feel better, but plenty will make you feel worse, so do what ever you can to make yourself feel better, dont do things or hang out with people that will make you feel worse

 

But discover yourself, and more importantly discover yourself without your boyfriend, find out what makes you you, and give yourself time to grieve, it sounds like your boyfriend doesnt know exactly what he wants right now so i would maybe give it some space, I know the whole NC thing is hard and personally im not planning on doing it totally, im not calling my ex when i would normally and i am waiting for him to make the first move but i also know that i want a friendship eventually, especially considering we were best mates before our relationship. So i dont suggest NC for you either, especially when you are hoping to get back together but maybe limit yourself to one contact that you initiate a week (if he calls you that is fine), that will give him time to work out what he wants and more importantly miss you and it will also give you time to find yourself. Who knows he may take that long that you work out you dont want the same thing then as you do now, but remember people can only treat us the way we let them.

 

My thoughts and love are with you, hang in there xoxo

[omayra]

ur not the only 1 vilingirl, i too miss my angel and thats his name also