Something I really hate more than anything

[krogen]

I haven't been in many "real" relationships. In fact, I guess you could say I never dated a girl. I know, that's really sad. I'm almost 18 now. I have never kissed a girl in my life. My sister makes fun of me because of that. Or she did. She always says something that makes me feel like * * * *. I always try to turn it into a joke to make myself feel better. But I don't hate her for that. She's an all right sister. That's not the point though. Like I said, I never dated a girl. The answer to this is quite complex. It might be because I moved to the U.S. in the worst possible time for a teenager. I was 12, and when you're 12, you start to jump into the teenage years. You are established in your school's community, you have friends, you have people to talk to. Then, suddenly, everything is gone. You're in a place where you don't know anyone. Everyone speaks some other language. You don't understand anything they say. You have no friends. And you can't make friends. You are a social outcast. Well, that's my story. How does this relate to dating? It's just like with infants. An infant has to learn how to crawl first before walking. You have to learn how to speak before making friends. And after making friends comes the dating. Switching between these "segments" takes time. Quite a lot of time, in fact. A lot of foreign people have problems with this, not just me. Some people go through this faster, some slower. Depends on the situation. I think I'm the worst case scenario. Another reason for me never dating is that I am a shy person, or at least while I'm around people that I don't know well. Another reason is that I'm not that good looking. I don't care though. After getting this out of the way, what do I hate more than anything? When a guy asks a girl out she has two options. Say either yes or no. There's always a risk of getting the "no" answer but a guy always has to be prepared to hear it and deal with it. I understand it. What I don't understand is that some girls think that they have a third answer, which is that "I can't go because of (insert a lame excuse here)". A guy can take this answer in TWO ways. Either she really can't go but would like to or she just doesn't want to go because she thinks the guy is stupid/unattractive/whatever. Unfortunately, some guys take this answer as #1. I can't go but I would like to. So the guy aks a girl out again next week. What does he hear? The same thing. Maybe he will be so foolish he will ask the girl out again. And he does so. He hears the same thing.

 

What's the problem with this? Hearing the same thing 3 times hurts way more than hearing a plain "no, I don't want to".

[Layword]

Whats your point, i'm sorry, I don't understand your problem.

 

There are plenty of fish in the sea if thats what you mean, and whats one girl compared to the millions and millions out there that would just love you in their life.

[MetallicAguy]

I can't go because of (insert a lame excuse here)".

There's no third answer, this answer is an indirect way of no. Women are not going to change for you and be straight-up with ya and say "No, i'll pass" or something like that. I think they say that because they don't wanna hurt your feelings.

 

If they flirt with you and give you signs that make you think they'd like to go out, then keep telling you that, that means they like your attention, and nothing more. When this happens just ignore these girls, there's nothing to become of them relationship-wise with ya.

 

Women are indirect, men are direct. Yeah, it sucks, well you gotta get over it.

[mdog]

i think he means he hates that she keeps sayin i dont want to go out with you b/c of a lame excuse and he's getting tired of it and he doesnt know what to do? so he would rather here I dont like you because your ugly. He wants the truth. Like what layword said theres a lot more out there than this girl. Good luck

[Budman]

*waves*

 

Hi Krogen.

 

Welcome to Enotalone?

 

I'm budman, you're resident ex retired newly reestablished sometimer poster.

 

Say that 5 times fast

 

First off, Woot (Been awhile)

Don't say you're ugly. Theres no point in that, let's change that. You're not attracted to the (male) physique, Tada you're no longer ugly, you just aren't narcicistic.

 

I say this because honestly, how on earth are you supposed to find yourself attractive. Come on man, really. Are you supposed to look in the mirror and say, "Oh man, look at that sexy beast right there, oh I want you, I want you now..." No, you're not supposed to do that. =D

 

I don't think I'm attractive, but my fiance finds tells me I'm hot. =D It's what you see that matters, its what they see.

 

Secondly, granted I do understand what you're saying about being uprooted, and granted that does suck... moving on, you had or have the opportunity to completely redesign everything you had. (look at the movie "The New Guy".) You still do. I don't know where you are originally from, but what I can say is you can use it to your advantage. Why because that's you! It's who you are. Did you know that some girls druel over irish accents, french accents, austrailian accents, (heck I like jamaican accents Anyway, you have a niche use it.

 

Thirdly, being scared is what causes a majority of problems in relationships.

Starting them, and finishing them. Think about it, your shy which makes you scared (I was shy as hell too), face your fear.

 

Fourthly. Stop dealing with the girls that won't give you straight answers. If she says yes, AWESOME, every other answer take as a no and move on.

Guy wanna go out

Girl: Nope sorry I'm washing my hair, maybe another time.

Guy dokey, peace.

Girl: Well I'm free friday.

 

Guy wanna go out

Girl washing my hair I can't

Guy: Ok peace

girl: wait, maybe we can do something on thursday.

 

You see, I hate to say this, but women don't respond to "need" as in, if you have one woman, ONLY one woman you want, they know and can sense it, (maybe smell it), why would they want to hang out with you. If you seem indifferent and quite honestly you should be, you will get more yesses then no's.

[Mr Mister1]

Come on man, really. Are you supposed to look in the mirror and say, "Oh man, look at that sexy beast right there, oh I want you, I want you now..." No, you're not supposed to do that. =D

 

Hmm I do that sometimes... is that a bad thing? I'm heterosexual too!

 

 

Oh but you're on the money as to when they say no just move on like you're not that bothered!

[krogen]

Thanks for posting.

 

@ Layword

My point is that it would be way better to hear a plain "No, I don't want to" then hearing the same "I can't go because...." couple of times from the same girl. I don't know if it's just me but when I hear "I can't go", to me, it means... "I can't go". It doesn't mean "No".

 

I can't go anwywhere this Saturday because I'm going to have a family reunion thing. I'm for real. Did I say no? No, I didn't. I said that I can't go because I'm going to have a family reunion and I need to be there.

 

Am I lying? Am I telling the truth? If I would hear the above from a nice girl I would take that as a true statement and I would ask her out again. And again. Until I would realize that she has no interest in me. That's sad and I have a harder time dealing with it then hearing a "No" answer.

 

I guess I have to learn that hearing "I can't go because..." means "I don't want to go with you", at least in most situations.

 

Stop dealing with the girls that won't give you straight answers.

 

Thanks budman. I'll stick with that from now on.