The final email, I did it!!! NC time and time to move forward

[terk2021]

Well,

 

I have been posting for quite sometime about my relationship that ended. Long story for those that have not read it. If I have to grade myself for how I handled my relationship ending, I would get an F in every catagory:

 

Not respecting her request for space when asked

Not committing to NC

Going back to her each time she asked

Became a doormat

Emailed too much

Left too many messages

Text too much

Said things out of anger with regret

Apologize for saying things out of anger

Said more things out of anger

Smothering her

 

The list keeps going. Sound familiar to anyone reading this???

 

Well, it's not NC, but it was an email letting her know I am moving on, even though I still have so many questions with so little answers. It was in good spirits. I reminded her I loved her, I miss her, and I want to be with her, but that I had no control, and she has her space.

 

Now, I have to be in a position to back up NC and really make it through the toughest part of the year without the person I was set to marry in July... This is nothing new to many of you on the board.

 

I am going out with friends tonight. I have actually been on a few dates over the past few weeks, and it's nice to be reminded that there is still a world out there.

 

I love this woman with all of my heart, and I pray she comes back, but, it's time to move forward. This board offers so much encouragement. There are so many bright, smart people out here, and I thank all of you for offering advice that I just flat out did not listen to But, seriously, it's great to know that we are Not Alone here...

[Relationship Coach]

Actions speak louder than words, follow through this time or she will just view this as another pathetic attempt to get her back. Use the fact that she has chosen not to be with you and wants to be left alone as your motivation for moving forward. To truly move forward you are going to have to let go of that "praying she'll come back" thought process, it's preventing you from emotionally dealing with the fact that the relationship is over for good.

 

Going back to her each time she asked

 

 

There is your problem! Don't be available to her and you will break her pattern. She is controlling you because she knows you still want her.

 

RC

[ceeboogi]

my the best come 2 you!

[terk2021]

To truly move forward you are going to have to let go of that "praying she'll come back" thought process, it's preventing you from emotionally dealing with the fact that the relationship is over for good.

RC

 

Good point. It's tough to let go of what you thought was going to be the rest of your life. I move forward with the thought that she is not coming back. I have been dating a little, and it's helped some. I do agree with you, and I am going to go out tonight for the 1st time where I am truly moving forward...

 

I should focus my prayers more on me getting through it, and the strength to maintain NC, and in trust that I will find the happiness I had with her. Whether it's with her or not...

 

I have been getting my confidence back slowly, but surely, and I still have a long way to go before I am 100%. But it's a start. Thanks for the advice...

[kickedin]

please dont break it.......i am with you i am and did the excact same stuff and so far it has been 5 days it hurts like hell i miss her but i pray that i have the strength to do and whats menat to be.....please dont give herthe satisfaction youowe it to you to know how much she really wants you dont be afraid to make her bend

[friscodj]

Hey T-

 

I am familiar with your situation and I have some thoughts here:

 

1) This isn't all your fault man. You've thoroughly labeled yourself as a failure. I do the same thing man, beat myself to a pulp and feel guilty. But you know what? Some time later after the emotional smoke has cleared, I look back on those situations, shake my head, and ask myself...what the hell was I thinking? If we had even lasted this long, I'm pretty certain, strike that, I'm sure my life would be miserable being with her. The point is, what you perceive as failure now, might very well be the best thing that ever happened to you, the proverbial blessing in disguise. Of course you can't see this now but I really think you will eventually.

 

2) Maybe try this. Instead of thinking of this situation as "NC", think of it as nothing. It is nothing because there is nothing. The situation is over and the first step is realizing this, as RC has eloquently and accurately stated. When you think "NC", this implies there is a situation to which to "apply NC". In this sense, perhaps this way of thinking is carrying an attachment to the situation itself with it and hindering your progress. There is no NC, there is no situation, there is nothing. Think of it like that.

[terk2021]

Frisco,

 

As always, thanks man. I am going to go out and have a good time tonight. Great new bar in town, and plenty of women out there. It's time!!!

[terk2021]

kickedin,

 

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I have found some comfort, actually from her friends that I met when we were going out. Most of them stay in touch with me, and not her. It's not a revenge factor or anything, but it does feel good to hear from her friends that I did not do anything wrong.

 

It does not change the pain, but it does not hurt either