Ex gf is always saying she is fat

[InLoveAndWaiting]

Ok, I believe most women tend to say this and think it even more often. My ex and I are talking again and getting closer. She keeps telling me she has gained so much weight since we split and she can't just go into a store and find things easily like she use to. She is not fat and I keep telling her that, she has had 2 kids and looks great to me, but she must also feel good about herself. I told her that she could start going to the gym with me after work and the gym has a play room for the kids. I told her she would feel so much better after she was going awhile, I told her that I did.

 

She seems to complain about wanting to lose weight but isn't willing to do much about it, I know she could do it, but I love her just the way she is, I want her to be happy with herself. Am I doing the right thing by supporting her and telling her she isn't fat, she really isn't. Is there anything else I can do?

[MissyM]

i always moan about being fat, but never really do anything about it, so I am the same as she is. I think women just like a good old moan sometimes.

[InLoveAndWaiting]

I know how to make her moan better than that.

[MissyM]

ooh, you being a rudey?

[kittysaysmeow]

Hi!

I think that almost every woman I know says that she doesn't like something about herself. It could be weight, her nose, her stomach...and I'm one of them. It's all about feeling insecure and not good about yourself.

 

I always say stuff like "i feel fat today" and "am I fat?" and it drives my boyfriend crazy.

 

So, in order to stop this he has stopped commenting on it. If I ask him "do I look fat?" he ignores it. By doing this, I'm forced to stop asking. That's the first step.

 

It doesn't matter how many times you tell her that she's beautiful, she won't believe you because she doesn't think that about herself. She needs to start replacing negative statements with positive ones. Instead of "i'm fat" it should be "i'm hot" or "i'm smart" or "i'm a great person". Even if she doesn't believe it...it's about faking until it's true!

 

Hope this helps...

[Beec]

kittysaysmeow is givign you some good advice. My woman does what yours does, and I have taken to just ignoring it, because there's not much else you can do.

 

It's passive aggressive behavior that seeks to draw out your reassurances. If you reassure, it will happen more often.

[luvursmile]

All women think they are fat! No matter how thin we are, we think we're fat. Its normal. Just show her a picture of herself & she'll see shes not. That usually works. Sometimes, we just need to see a picture, because when we look at ourselves in the mirror, we ALWAYS think we're fat.

[renaissancewoman101]

That's true. I do think most women think they are fat. I think I am fat and I constantly lament about it. But then I have gained some weight in the last few months and it shows. Women want to be the stick figures that society glorifies on TV and magazines.

 

I can never be that thin due to bone structure. Woe to me having a stocky build.

[Caterina]

Well, the only thing you can control in this situation is yourself. And I think that you are doing the right things already.

[Clementine orange]

One of the top ten most annoying things women do: whine about how fat they are. Men HATE it!!! and it's pointless. If ou need to whine then go whine with other women who think they are fat - guys just don't want to hear it.

 

Most men are goal and results oriented. If you think you are fat then do something about it. Put down the taco bell, put down the cosmo magazine (which makes you think you are fatter than you are probably) and go to the gym.

 

Argh, sorry, this this struck a nerve with me. Besides what are we supposed to say when some women is going on and on about this - it's lose, lose.

If you are fat then we sure can't agree, if you're not and you think you are then what's up with that?

 

Whine to us about stuff that means something and that we care about, like Stanley Cup playoffs or something.

[Caterina]

What are the Stanley cup Playoffs??? The whole reason women say that they're fat is to hear you reassure them that they aren't. THe whole reason we even have men around is to make us feel loved. Reassuring us of our incredibly desirable beauty is a way of showing us you love us. So actually you should look at our whining as an oppurtunity to reaffirm why the heck we're with you in the first place, right?

[Beec]

What are the Stanley cup Playoffs??? The whole reason women say that they're fat is to hear you reassure them that they aren't. THe whole reason we even have men around is to make us feel loved. Reassuring us of our incredibly desirable beauty is a way of showing us you love us. So actually you should look at our whining as an oppurtunity to reaffirm why the heck we're with you in the first place, right?

 

NO, NO, NO!

 

A woman should look at her whining as either a wedge that she is driving between her and her man or a chain she is fixing to his neck, so she can walk him.

 

A guy who caters to woman's insecurities such as this and he will soon resent doing so. And it won't make her feel more secure for more than a day, if that.

[Clementine orange]

Stanley Cup is Hockey.

 

I agree with OP, BeeC - whining just drives a wedge. Why should the man have to constantly prop up the woman's ego?

A doctor should say whether a woman is fat or not and what she should do about it.

Besides, it's nice if we can have a chance to give ego boosts on our own time - it makes it more sincere.

Constantly having to respond to "am I fat, I think I'm fat, I look fat, do you think I'm fat, who is fatter me or Susan" - guys will answer whatever comes into their head first and that they think will end the conversation.

[Caterina]

Oh please, and whoooose whining now?