Broken Up & Broken Hearted

[SnowYs]

Hello all;

 

I need some advice and help to move on. I did find out today (via email no less), that the affair is definetely over. He said what I did was unforgivable. Never wants to talk with me/here from me again, etc. A quick recap is I am the affairee. He is bisexual living with a man. We had a fling for the last 6 months. I called the man (his boyfriend) and told him exactly what is going on.

 

I feel betrayed, lyed to, confused. Every emotion is pumping through my veins. I know what I did is HORRIBLE - but its not unforgivable. If he had truly loved me as he said I dont think it would be "unforgiveable." Its not like I murdered someone.

 

I get the distinct impression that the whole truth may not have been shared with me. As far as my knowledge they are still living together. I dont know if I ever will know the truth. He sure didnt appear to be lying to me - I thought I could tell the difference. He told me he had asked his boyfriend to move out, but now I even question if that ever happened. I feel like I was just a f*** now.

 

Some questions - How can I help myself move on? How do I not obsess over this? Part of my doesnt want to let him go, and part of me still thinks he will come back. I do know I feel like re-inventing myself!!! A brand new me....kind of.

[raggamuffin]

Hello Im sorry to hear about your situation but before I start I want to say if he was having an affair with his boyfriend who he loves and lives with he probably had no problems lying to you about his feelings and what he was going to do. You have every right to let yourself feel all of those emotions that you are feeling. My first piece of advice for moving on is leting your self feel, let yourself cry, be angry and all of those other things. Not seeing this guy or talking to him will definitely make the moving on process easier. Give yourself a treat, take a trip away or get a massage or a really new funky hair do. Pamper yourself!! Keep a diary of your feelings and emotions so every now and again you can look back and see how much better you are doing now!! One other thing. Why do you want to be with this guy who cant give all of himself to you? Find someone who wants you ONLY you and who wants to love ONLY you. Best of luck.

[Ash]

Sorry, it's very tough when things like this happen.

 

Trying to reinvent yourself is a damn good idea. Sounds like you have a decent recovery plan. I can't really give you any better ideas for moving on than that. It was to come from within.

 

You may feel at the moment that you weren't to him what you thought you were at the time, but that will pass. Trust in the feelings you had at the time. If you thought for sure he loved you then he most likely did. Looking back, things can be a bit confused when you're upset. You probably did know when he was or wasn't lying, so trust that he wasn't about loving you. Feelings do change unfortunately, but that doesn't mean what you had for 6 months wasn't real and special to him.

 

Good luck.

[hennypenny]

unfortunately snowYs baby....I know what ur feeling and I hate to say this but, u got royally screwed. U know that ol' saying about not seeing the forest for the trees.....well, that pretty much describes why u didn't see he was lying....We all believe we can tell when some one is lying to us but, when it comes to loves...some times we have our eyes focused on them and the fact that we love them so hard we don't see the truth or we don't want to see....Why re-invent urself sweetie?? don't change who u are because some 1 else messed up. Believe me, I " re-invented" myself when it happened to me and I am so cynical towards love now.....With time, that feeling of wishing he'd come back will fade......but, until then keep busy, have some fun, don't sit around waiting for that chance he may come back.....I did for a long time, I use to tell myself, he'll come to his senses and realize how amazing we are together and how much he loves me. Then I started going out with my family.....swimming, fishing, even movies.....it's gotten easier but, I know in my heart.....if he comes back, I'll let him in......Don't be weak like me. make the strongest choice for u..... The best advice my mom ever said was this: nothing is unforgivable.....she told me this after my ex wouldn't talk to me when I got really drunk 1 night at a mutual friend's party and made a huge fool out of myself. The next day, I went back and apologized to every person that helped me, including my bf. He said I embarrassed him and I should go home and think about what I did.....mind you he could totally humiliate me by bragging about girls who were giving their #s to him infront of mutual friends and I was crucified. So believe me ur guy was probably looking for an excuse to get the attention off of his lies by saying you were wrong for telling his bf about everything......There is nothing wrong with what you did.

[herve]

Hi all,

 

I hope I dont get confused as english is not my first language but if you're having an affair with a guy and you call his boyfriend to tell him about it , yes there is big chance that he was pissed off, especially if the boyfriend did not know it -)

 

Did you have any particular reason to do that ?

His boyfriend knew he was bisexual ?

 

What you have to understand is that even if he's bisexual, his regular partner is a man and the girls for him are only the little extra.