Is it too early to move in with my boyfriend?

[Japanfreak05]

My boyfriend and I have been together for going on 2 years. And if you check out my thread under Familes called "my mom is jealous of me" you will see my current living situation. He's 22 and I'm 19 amlost 20. I was just wondering do you think it is too early for us to move in together? There's no doubt in my mind that I want to move in with him and away from my mom, but I just want to know if I'm doing the right thing, or should I save up and get my own place? Thanks guys!!

[jimthzz]

save up and get your own place or split rent with another woman. You are moving too fast with this guy. If you only see him as a means to escape your mother, then that is not the right reason to move in together.

 

If you need to escape your mother, move in with some of your girlfriends.

[nadine_3110]

Yes, if you're just doing it to get away from her it's not a good reason. But you guys have been together for two years!!! I think that's enough time to get to know each other quite well and if you're ready and you love him enough and you know that living together won't tear you apart, then I say move in with him.

[musicguy]

I agree with the posters above, if you are just moving in with him to get away from your mom, then don't...but if you want to just be independent for awhile and then ease your boyfriend into the picture then that's okay too.

[RayKay]

Well, I am a BIG believer in living on your own before you live with a partner. Various reasons really but because it REALLY encourages your own independence and growth and confidence in yourself. I lived alone for about 5 years before I lived with a partner, and they were great times - it was awesome having your own place, being responsible for it, and being free to do as you pleased. I love living with my partner too, but I really do not think I would be nearly in the same headspace or as prepared if I had moved from home.

 

I have also seen a few relationships that went sour because one or both partners had no sense of responsibility in terms of what it takes to pay the bills, and share the workload, and what it really takes to have your own place because they never lived on their own.

 

Now, to your particular case, I would also say that you have to decide if you are doing this for the RIGHT reasons - to get away from home is not what I would say is a positive reason. So decide if you really are ready, and really prepared for the realities of it (i.e. the positives and negatives) and if you both are on the same page for the long term goals of the relationship as well.

[Japanfreak05]

yeah yeah I see. I wasn't moving in with him to get away from my mom, but I see that she is probably the biggest reason I want to move out in the first place. I guess I have to sit down and think about moving in with him. It woudln't be just me and him, it would be me, him, his twin brother, and his brothers girlfriend. I want to get my own place, but there's no way I could pay for that, car insurance, and school stuff on my own. I wanted to move in with him, so maybe we could split rent or something. I don't have that many girl friends I could move in with, most are not on the same page as me, their parents pay for everything. I have to work for everything. So I don't think that would work. lol

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

2 years, why the heck not?

 

Oh wait..but don't use him as an Escape. That's kind of low.

[Momene]

I would have said that if you were dating for 2 years, moving in may even be overdue.

[Japanfreak05]

geeze, you really think so?? lol yeah I really wish he would have decided to move out sooner. He's 22 and he's content with living at home. I really want to get our own place, but he's living rent free, and his parents are pretty cool. But I'm going crazy!!! I hate not having any alone time (his mom does not allow girls in his or his brother's rooms). The only alone time we have is in his car. And don't even get me started on sex. It's either in the backseat, or we wait till the house is empty. As for his brother, he seems to be more into getting an appartment than my boyfriend. I guess my BF is waiting for his brother to make the move out. ugh.....can you say fustrating? lol.

 

btw. my BF and his brother are the same age, they're twins.

[Momene]

As a general rule, I would allow a minimum of 6 months before moving in. However:

 

add a month for every year the younger partner is under 25

 

add an additional month for every year under 20

 

Don't move in together at all if the younger partner is under 16

 

So if the younger partner is 18 (example) you should wait at least 15 months.

[Terry Jarlsberg]

I notice that all the maths is being done at the lower end of the age spectrum. Just as you've tightened the numbers to account for the fickleness of la jeunesse, do you not think that you should relax them to account for the certainties that come with age; that you should cut the vieillards some slack?

 

I would suggest subtracting a month for every five years by which the younger partner exceeds sixty. What do others think?

[Japanfreak05]

What?? English please. hehe

[Terry Jarlsberg]

What?? English please. hehe

 

 

Oh sorry, Bewitched: I do get carried away. I'm sure that you're joking anyway. I'm sure also that you can take my basic point: the corollary of subtracting points for youth, as Momene has done, is surely to award bonus points for old age, as I'm proposing that he should do.

[Alezia]

As a general rule, I would allow a minimum of 6 months before moving in. However:

 

add a month for every year the younger partner is under 25

 

add an additional month for every year under 20

 

Don't move in together at all if the younger partner is under 16

 

So if the younger partner is 18 (example) you should wait at least 15 months.

 

How does this work if I am 21 and my partner is 25? Do I calculate the least aged?? LOL, okay even then.. i'd supposed to be living with him for a while now according to this =P But I'm not planning to move out with him until he proposes so that's ok

[Terry Jarlsberg]

How does this work if I am 21 and my partner is 25?

 

I make it ten months. Sounds reasonable to me!

[Momene]

I guess when people are over 60 (as Terry suggests) that they can't afford to wait 20 years to decide, as the chances are one or both will die.

[Momene]

How does this work if I am 21 and my partner is 25? Do I calculate the least aged?? LOL, okay even then.. i'd supposed to be living with him for a while now according to this =P But I'm not planning to move out with him until he proposes so that's ok

 

In my opinion, I'd say you are overdue for moving in, yes. However, some of us have certain constraints like finance, depending on which part of the world we live. I do respect that some people don't live together before marriage for religious reasons. Like a lot of things, my maths are a guideline but I sincerely believe that moving in too soon can damage a relationship but so can leaving it too late.