Being yourself & not comparing yourself to others

[easyguy]

I've reached a point in my life where I am becoming a more independent person than I used to be. But even more so, one of the hardest things I'm trying to get over is to not compare myself to others, and to just be myself. It isn't easy. It's all mental. Talking to someone about it, though, can help lift the weight off your shoulder. And not just here on this forum, but in real life face-to-face situations. It's more powerful when you're talking to someone sitting a couple feet away from you.

 

Has anyone else gone through this before? I'd like to hear how you got over the negative way of thinking about yourself when it comes to comparing yourself to others.

[n83]

Hey

I know how you feel, I had started a thread similar to this pretty recently..

I haven't really gotten over it but one thing I can tell you is that it helps to get to know the people you're comparing yourself to. You might see that they're human (aka imperfect) just like you are.

[friscodj]

Yes! I have gone through this before, what you speak of with comparing myself to others.

 

What I did was took stock of my life, what I had going for me, where I was, and where I wanted to go with my life. I found things in my life I could identify myself by and be proud of. That for me mostly entails my athletic and academic endeavors. Once I had that base established and secure, I started finding new things with which to fill my life, for example purchasing a home, which led to undertaking improvement projects and learning new skills that way. I also make it a point to take one epic trip once a year, preferably overseas.

 

Basically I think you should identify what you perceive to be a freaking cool life, identify specific ways to attain such a lifestyle, and then undertake the journey to get there realizing the enjoying the journey is a big part of this as well knowing your goals are within your reach.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

I recommend meditation!!!!! Our thought processes go round in circles- we make the same statements of belief to ourselves over and over again in relation to things around us. That causes a chain reaction of emotion. So maybe you see someone cool, then you feel jealousy, then you feel guilt or selfhatred then anger. And its the same cycle everytime you compare yourself. (I'm just saying as an example I have no idea what thought process each person goes through or if everyone's the same or different). But it takes noticing the stages of that to really take apart what happens in your mind when you compare I reckon. Because it's not a simple flick of a switch from secure to insecure.

 

I got taught a method called naming. Basically just sit there breathe and as emotions come into your head try naming them then wait for the next one. If you mess up and drift off it doesnt matter- just name where you are as soon as you realise then keep going.

[hektik02]

I definitely can say I have that same problem. It's really strange cause I never was like that before. I guess the long term effects of society and our celebrity worshipped nation had something to do with it. Anyways, I can relate with what happytown had to say, and plan on giving it a try.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Since I was nine, I've had a full blown inferiority complex. NINE. Isn't that tragic?

 

 

Everyone is better looking, more intelligent, more wordly, more interesting, more socially at ease ETC ETC ETC than I am. That, to me, is a FACT.

 

It's to the point where I can't go out in public some days because I cry when I see what I should be like, and I'm not. I'm insane.

[FoxLocke]

Antilove, I think we might be twins...heh. I think I've had the proverbial inferiority complex prior to age nine...

 

I'm working through that...finally

 

I'm always comparing myself to others(the way I look, dress, talk, walk, and breathe); however, I'm learning to see the good in myself as well.

I think we as individuals are never satisfied. We always want to be better than someone else...

 

Now I am attempting to buck that trend. All I can be is me. And I will be the best me that I can be. I'll measure my progress according to how much I've progressed, not by some celebrity or relative.

 

When you honor the path you are traveling you effectively honor yourself.

 

I hope that helps.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Ah, but to be your twin would be an honour! Honestly.

[Batya33]

I think it can be positive to compare yourself to others in the sense of finding a role model in someone or being inspired by them. Since I am 15 I have had various female and male role models for my career goals and I learned so much from these people who I was in awe of. While I did not compare in the sense of seeing these people as peers, I compared the steps and actions I took along the way to their paths as sort of a litmus test.

 

If you work in the corporate world, you are routinely compared to your peers all the time as far as work, productivity, skill sets. If that comparison motivates you to improve I think that's very positive. If it makes you just sit around and have a pity party, that's not so positive.

[Carl5000]

I only have an inferiority complex due to having a tiny penis as its a fact about me. Most things are subjective and its easy to turn negatives into positives etc and we have it down to a fine art through projection, denial, repression and so on. Well, as nietzsche would say 'a transevaluation of values'

 

I'd recommend reading some John Paul Satre and especially 'being for others' and his play 'last exit' basically you can't escape other ppl's opinions and they basically form most of your self-identity. Last exit is a quality play which shows three ppl in hell and how they only have each other to form opinions bout themselves and how they can only count on each other for some self-identity.

 

I haven't really achieved much in my life, but i don't really feel inferior in the slightest, dont ask me why ahh. Maybe through reason and rationality, obviously other peeps opinions matter, but i don't worry excessively about them. I tyr and live an individual life to the best i can. Like a good friend of mine is a cambridge grad and earns 100k a yr, yet i don't feel in awe of him or lacking in anyway. Even though, im aware he's more intelligent and achieved alot me than i ever will.

 

i guess, i see it as a positive that he sees me as a good friend, and i have somethign to offer in return and can hold intellectual conversations with him, even though hes a mensa member and well read. Once again, im turning negatives into positives, but most of life is pre-determined anyhow. If i was super intelligent, didnt have dyslexia or say had a bigger * * * *, i'd probably be leading a different lifestyle- its just pure fate and you don't really have much control- i just try and accept it. I just go with the flow and accept things and my weaknesses.

 

You can only make the best out of ur situation. I feel aristotle sums it up well 'be the most excellent you can be given ur virtures' and he even says at one point 'if your ugly you can't lead a completely fulfilled life. So very true, mostly your life is down to good fortune mostly at birth ur upbringing, culture, period you were born, opportunies, intelligence, appearance etc. Hard-work and a positive outlook can only take you so far.

[easyguy]

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

 

The comparisons I sometimes make are not drawn between celebrities and myself, but rather, regular people who have qualities in their character that I lack and wish I had. But I sort of had an epiphany the other day, realizing that I am me, and there is nothing that says I cannot be happy for the qualities that I have. I've recently began studying the Buddhist doctrines, and since then, I have never felt down about my own life. It's a religion/philosophy that, for some strange reason, has given me the confidence to be myself and be happy with who I am.

 

Aside from that, I think it is certainly human nature to make comparisons about yourself to other people. I just wish the negative ones didn't overpower the positive ones so often. Part of life I suppose.