What did I do? Help!

[sadmaggie]

I can't believe this happened! I drank and actually swung at the guy I am dating! I don't even know why!

 

There is a guy I have been dating for 8 months. We have been friends since I was 15 (which is about 13 years now). Unfortunately, are schedules don't mesh. We get along extremely well, but we began reverting back to friends. We have been at one of those strange points where we're not talking as much, and I will admit it is more on his side than mine. So, we ate this Friday and I planned on saying maybe we should back off since we both are so busy with new jobs that make us travel.

 

It actually began as the best night we ever had. We had great conversation and it was really fun. Then we got a call from his cousin who was having friends at his house. He has major cash, and when we got there they had already had three bottles of nice wines. They were drinking a $100 bottle of tequila. So, even though I already had two large margaritas, I did a few shots his cousin made for me, plus two more drinks he made.

 

They began playing pool, and all the sudden I became angry and agitated. They were playing and weren't really letting me play. Then we got in the car. I can't remember details, or how we even began arguing. But somehow things escalated and I swung my arm at him while he was driving. I have NEVER hit anyone in my 28 years. I don't even have violent thoughts or tendencies. I don't know how it even happened. He yelled at me and I did it again, and when he blocked it, I hit my head on his window. We yelled horrible things at eachother and he called me crazy.

 

By the time I got home, it all started to hit me. He told me to get out, and I tried to say I didn't want our last words to be like this. Before I got out, I realized I didn't have my keys. But he kept telling me to get out, so I jumped out. I walked near my house where he couldn't see me and began bawling. He came over about 2 minutes later and hugged me and he put his hands on my face and I apologized and said I didn't even know what happened and how I could have EVER done that. He said it was okay, and we went to his house since I couldn't get in mine. We ended up making up, but it was weird.

 

Needless to say, when we woke up, we were both beyond hung over. I felt so sick and like the worst person ever. And it just hung over our heads. We hugged and talked, but it has just changed everything. I left his house late that night knowing I would probably never hear from him again. I hate that it ended our friendship completely. I hate that I allowed myself to drink so much! Most of all, I can't even believe I hit him! I don't know what to do. It is haunting me! I am such a peaceful, happy person. I hate that in his eyes, I am now what I was in such a bad drunken state. I am just so sorry.

[kuhaaica]

wow this is a tough one, i was married to a guy who would drink and black out "waking" up in jail and hearing i was picked up beaten bloody and naked because of what he had done. But he had no knowledge of what happened...

needless to say i am not with him any more but i do have 4 kids with him.

 

I think that drinking is okay, but when you find that you drink past your "safe" point it can become dangerous for people who have lower serentonin levels in their brains, might not happen all the time, but it is more profound when mixed with alcohol and more pronounced in ppl as they get older.

Do some research, explain and talk about what you find with him, and cut out drinking altogether or really pace yourself.

Youa re responsible for your own actions so you need to prevent bad scenes whenever you can, especially now when you know theres a problem.

Tequila bad bad bad for everyone lol.

[sadmaggie]

Thanks for your response.

 

That is what makes me so sick and disgusted at myself, because I would never understand how someone can hit someone (and there is no excuse). I am definitely going to give him his space, and steer clear of alcohol for awhile. I wish there was a way to show him how sorry I am. Unfortunately, when it comes to problems, he is an avoider, so talking to him about it will probably push him away more. I just want him to know how sorry I am. Like I said, after knowing him for 13 years, I would hate for this to be his last image of me. It hurts my heart. I would do anything to turn back time. I will never allow myself to get in such a state again. I am beyond disappointed in myself.

[Fallout]

Hmm well since it's the first time you did something like this and you were drunk plus you regret it so much now I'd say it was just an accident and he should understand that when he thinks about it...maybe you could send him an e-mail or something to put your thoughts and apologies down so it will be there to remind him that you mean it...

[melrich]

You obviously know you did the wrong thing. That is a serious issue, trying to hit someone like that. I don't think you should just put it down to alcohol, if it's in you it's in you. For your peace of mind and that of your b/fs, I think you should look for some professional assistance to find out why you reacted that way and what you need to do to ensure it never happens again.

[sadmaggie]

I have always been the put together girl who people come to advice. But I have had more stress and bad things happen to me in the last few months, and it has kind of been hard to handle. It has been one of those times where it just keeps piling up. I do plan on seeing someone, and I am not blaming just the alcohol. I know I did it, and like I said, I am disgusted with that. I will say I wouldn't have ever done it had I not had so much to drink. EVER. I am still in shock it happened at all.

 

I am just surprised I have this pent up anger that I didn't even know about. And even worse, it was directed at my boyfriend. I just hope he can see that isn't who I am. I can't get it out of my head. It is seriously the worst image just stuck there. I can't believe it happened. I really can't.

[melrich]

Yeah that is the thing about these instinctive reactions, sometimes you don't know how you will react in a given situation (high stress, alcohol) until after the event.

 

I think a lot of people who lash out like this are surprised they have done it. The smart ones try to work out why and ensure they don't put themselves into that environment again.

 

Cheers

[BeStrongBeHappy]

alcohol is known to reduce inhibitions, and different kinds of alcohol can affect you differently. so if you have been feeling very frustrated and angry recently, and drank WAY too much, this kind of thing can happen.

 

the fact that you are embarrassed and upset by it is a good thing, and i think it is an indicator that you should definitely avoid alcohol beyond a couple drinks, and should consider talking to someone like a counselor if you have that much rage in you waiting to flare out.

 

and the friendship does not necessarily have to end if you make amends with him and get treatment for yourself. i would talk to him about it, and make a point of NEVER drinking that much again, since you have shown the potential to be an 'angry' drunk, which can endanger yourself and others. you are lucky you did not have a car accident while hitting him, so that should be enough to get you started to finding help for yourself, and avoiding drinking to excess.

[yeawutever]

Sounds like you been under stress and frustrations lately and as soon as you exceeded with the drinking, your level of anger rose. Now that you know what your body tolerance is, either don't drink anymore, or limit yourself on the drinks. Yea, you might want to write him an apology letter and do give him his space. He's probably shock just as you are, so perhaps time will tell when he comes around.

[sadmaggie]

One more question:

 

I am giving him a gift certificate to his favorite store online, which allows you to write a note. I just want to apologize one more time and then give him some space to allow him to make a decision. But I want to say the right thing. So, I started to write it and froze. Like I said, even in serious situations he tends to be light and getting too serious makes him withdraw sometimes. So, how do I let him know how SERIOUSly sorry I am, but still make him feel comfortable.

 

Thank you for all the replies! I have already searched to find someone to talk to about my stress and this incident. I am also steering clear of alcohol for awhile (and when I do drink again, sticking to even below what I know I can handle). To be honest, I don't drink that much, so that isn't usually a problem, BUT now I have learned drinking too much is! Thanks again. I know this is by far the WORST thing I have ever done, and I just want to make it as right as I can.

[sadmaggie]

"Here is to steering clear of tequila for a long, long while. I am still in disbelief about Friday and more SORRY about it than I have ever been about anything

 

How is that. There isn't much room to write on the certificate.

[sadmaggie]

One last attempt for advice tonight. I am about to buy the certificate online in an hour or so.

[sadmaggie]

well, i sent him the gift certificate and an e-mail today around 3:00 p.m. and still no word. after 13 years of knowing each other, i hope this isn't how it ends...

[Fallout]

You did all you could....and he should be able to forgive one big mistake from you after 13 years

[sadmaggie]

Thanks. It is hard. I still haven't heard from him, so I think I will give him a call either tonight or tomorrow (it's been about three days since we have talked besides my online gift certificate). I want to give him space, but not make it too weird either.

[sadmaggie]

Wow, still no word. I just remembered that he told me last week his big boss was coming into town and he was going to have lots of late night meetings. I am still in denial that this will be the last time I hear from him. It is so HARD! I hate that this could be his last image of me. I've been good and only called him that one day (Wed).

 

I hate that the weekend is nearing b/c I know we won't hang out. I am super sad I have this awards ceremony for work Saturday, and this puts such a damper on it all!

 

Any advice if and when I should call him again. I found this really cute ecard that says I am sorry, but I don't want to overdo it. But I also don't want to underdo it. I hate the night time b/c that is when we usually talk at least an hour on the phone. Sorry for the sad rant. HELP!

[Fallout]

Well you let him know how you feel about it already...maybe you can just send him a text on his cell saying you'll give him space and will wait for him to contact you if he still wants to talk to you...