Ex contact- Advice and interpretations needed

[byates5637]

My ex broke up with me about 8-9 months ago. We had a 2.5 year relationship. We had plenty of good and bad times. I was her first love, and she loved me like crazy for most of our relationship. Towards the end there was somewhat of a power change. I broke up with her and begged for her back a few weeks later. We got back together and all was good, but she wasn't as committed as before (no cheating, thats no what i mean). I ended up telling her i was dissatisfied with the relationship and i wanted her to give more of herself to me, or we should break up. She chose to break up. We tried to remain friends but it was too hard for me. I felt she sent mixed signals alot, so i cut her off. That's the short story, i skipped many details.

 

So anyway, now it is 8-9 months later and we are both still single. I am single because i havn't been able to totally get over her. I am a good looking guy with alot going for me, so getting a girl isn't the problem. I am just trying to be responsible and wait till i feel ready to date before jumping into something. I have no idea why she is still single..she's got alot going for her too.

 

I havn't seen in her 5 months now. She has made a few attempts to see me but i have been turning her down. I am trying to get over her (But it'n not working). 3 months ago she moved 800 miles away to goto school. She called me a couple times (even though i told her not too) Last time we talked was 6-7 weeks ago she said "I havn't met anyone as cool as you yet." More mixed signals? I havn't told her i still have feelings. I keep my convo's brief and superficial. She tried calling a couple weeks ago and i ignored it. I have been hearing from friends she calls around asking about me and she has been watching my myspace.

 

So We ended up talking on myspace. I keep all my messages breif and wait several days before replying to all of her messages. She always replies immediately. The last message she sent me contained very stong mixed signals. Tell me what you think.

 

Her: So where's my picture? I was really excited about it and now I am sad.

 

Me:sorry i forgot ;[

 

maybe i can make it today if i'm not too busy at work. OK?

 

(I never made it)

 

Her: Now I am even more sad.

 

Me: I've been really busy lately. You can make one for yourself. right?

 

Her: I don't think so and plus it wouldn't be as good as the one that you would make, but if you really don't want to, you don't have to. Maybe when I come home for thanksgiving would you want to hang out? I really want to see you.

 

 

So what do you think she means by "I really want to see you"? I Think i want to see her, but not if i am just going to get hurt. What should i do? Think there is a chance she wants to try again? What should i reply with?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

It does sound like there might be a chance that she is entertaining the possibility of getting back together. Are you willing to chance that? If you two do hang out with each other during Thankskgiving break that's the only way you'll both know whether there is still a spark. Sometimes a break from each other helps you gain perspective.

[friscodj]

A few thoughts:

 

1) After your first break up and reconciliation things were not "all good". A car that has just been in a bad accident won't be exactly like it was even after a trip to the body shop. Not everything will match perfectly or line up. This is analogous to her perceived distance you said she had after the reconciliation. Then you cut her off and turned down attempts to get together? What do you expect her to do? If she posted here I'd tell her to keep walking and not look back...

 

2) On a side note, why is it surprising for someone who is good looking and otherwise has a lot going for them to be single? Maybe she enjoys being single or hasn't met someone she feels a connection with.

 

3) You should examine why you are unable to get over her and realize just because you are hurting and are unable to get over her does not mean you guys belong together. So look through your grief and back to your relationship. Were you guys really that good of a fit? It doesn't sound like it from what you've written.

 

4) But if you really feel in your heart past the grief, lonliness, etc. that you should be together, forget the games, forget the positions of power in this, forget trying to decipher communications. Get together, talk, lay things out there. No games, just get answers.

[byates5637]

Frisco, you totally misread my situation. I'm not sure if i didn't give enough info or if you are just jumping to conclusions. I stopped talking to her because she was driving me crazy. One minute I thought she was totally into me and i would pour my soul out only to be shot down. I could only do this so many times until i had to cut her off in order to gain my dignity and life back. Does that mean that i don't love her or i'm an a$$hole? Hardly.

 

You make it seem like i was the one who dumped her. She dumped me and i did my best to try and be friends. Why are you making her out to be a victim of the way i treated her?

 

In response to your second point...I didn't say it was surpirsing she was single. It is a vital part of my story though and thus had to be included in my post. What i was leading towards was what you said yourself. "She hasn't made a connection with anyone". Which leads me to think perhaps she has not yet gotten over me as she cannot find anyone as good as me.

 

 

Thanks but no thanks. I was looking for advice on if she may be interested based on the situation. I was looking for advice on how i should manage this situation, which you have given me none.

 

 

Iamteddybear- thanks for the advice. So your basically saying you think there may be a chance, although a very small one?

[byates5637]

Damn now i am even more confused. I told her i want to see her too. She called me a few times and i ignored cuz i was to nervous to answer. She called last night and i answered. We talked for 20 minutes and she said alot of great things to me. I was slightly drunk (I chugged a few beers to kill the anxiety of talking to her) so i don't remember everything word for word, but it went really well i think.

 

The one thing she said that really stands out is "I think you are the most amazing person i ever met in my life." She didn't say this in reply to self deprication on my part, she offered this little piece of thought all on her own without and prompting by me.

 

She also said she has missed me and i told her sometimes i think about her and miss her too. She asked why i dont think about her all the time and implied she thinks about me all the time. She also gave me alot of little compliments.

 

She brought up one time i called her a * * * * *, and i said that sometimes she can act like a * * * * *. She replied with "well you hurt me and made me cry alot." True i did, but this was so long in the past that i thought she had forgotten about it. This is the first time in the last year i heard her mention how i hurt her. I Spent a full year of being with her making up for it and proving i would never hurt her again. I guess that wasn't good enough.

 

So now i am feeling crazy about her. I am madly in love with her still. We will be meeting up either tonight or wednesday. I can't wait to see her. I think she is going to break my heart again, but it is a risk i have to take. Pray for her to want me back.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Good luck! It sounds like you two love eachother. Maybe it will work out. BTW, One tip: Next time she complains you called her the B word, instead of saying, "Well sometimes you are the B word", instead say "I'm sorry"!!

[byates5637]

Haha good advice iamteddybear. I'm not always the best with words, i will say that next time.

 

I love her to death and she has been calling me every day since she has been home. I havn't been able to see her yet because i have been very busy. We will see each other tomorow and i am very nervous

 

I hope it goes well.

 

Thanks again.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Good luck and be sure to let her know you miss her.