much needed guy and girl advice....

[tripptish]

ok wellll....i have been dating my bf for a little over 3 years now, last year we broke up for about six months and during that time he seen other girls, he had every right to, after we worked everything out we got back together and from that point on knowing he had been with other people i became really insecure and jealous. i began getting myself in trouble by looking at his email and what not, and i still do to a certain extent, and i CANT STOP! lol.....for the most part the stuff i read online, or text messages are just buddy buddy stuff like "hey how are you"..."hows the girlfiend?" or wanting advice about relationship stuff and what not, but even before we had broken up and he kept in contact with ex gf's and female friends from high school, i didnt seem to mind so much. I cant seem to trust him, or let things go, i have the urge to always look look look, or jump to conclusions assuming he is doing something, i mean is it normal or achievable of guys to be close to other females and not like them?? because i feel that its not possible, in my opinion if they were ur ex gf then u liked them at some point for a reason, and to not like them ever again and JUST be friends all of a sudden is not poss. or to have a girl friend who ur close to and talk to about your life, or hang out with every once and a while, after a while i think you start to grow into liking that person the closer you become with them, thats why i cant stand to think of him ever wanting to hang out with any girls, i dont trust them more then i dont trust him! i try to explain to him they think differently then him, and not all girls just see him as a friend, they see him as theyre "go to guy" to get comfort and what not, and i dont think that someone who is commited to another person should be that person for any other girl.He says he dont care if any of them like him because he isnt gonna like them back, but i wonder well what made it get to that point?? i get mad at myself because its my own fault for knowing certain things, and then ill ask him about it outta the blue and he will lie about it, but i cant say i know hes lying! or else he will know what ive done, even if its something small like "did you talk to so and so today?" , so i wonder would it be better if i didnt know the stuff i know? or is it better i know so then it wont leave me clueless and hurt somewhere in the end? i love him VERY much, he hasnt cheated on me, ('cause with all the snooping i do i would prob. know) but should i worry? i mean is it my business to know every phone call or text message?? i mean he trusts me completely and never asks me any questions, so i feel bad not trusting him,but not wanting to know who he talked to today, or who he emailed is so hard for me to do because i know all of it may not be innocent, i just wonder from a guys point of view, if maybe u guys need that attention? not necessarily because u wanna be w/another girl, but because u like being able to sutain an ego or something. i dunno, i am just wondering if im overreacting, and if his occasional flirt or "so sorry for having not called u lately". hang out, giving a girl advice, or them giving him advice, or chit chat on the phone weekly is something all guys do.... or its just something my guy does, i want to know would it be ok for me to stop checking the email and phone knowing the "occasional" stuff is going on??? because although it has gone on he hasnt broken up with me or cheated on me, so maybe they are just friends?? and not back up girls or something...lol......i wanna trust him, DEARLY! but i dont know how to just let his "Friends" guys and girls, just be HIS friends and not wonder about it.....i want to know that im not going to be one of those girls who gets talked about or thought of to be naive because im ok with letting my bf talk to other girls or hang out once and a while, im scared if i let it go that he will assume its ok, and then some how get closer and not have any type of restrictions......

 

sorry there is like a billiom questions in every different direction, but hopefully someone will get the picture

[jordanlozzy]

What you need to keep thinking and telling yourself is that he is in a relationship with YOU. Not because he is forced to be but because he wants to be. There is a reason he was with his ex's yeah of course there is but there is also a reason why they are now ex's. I think you need to have a heart to heart with him and tell him exactly what you are feeling but most importantly why you feel this way. This way you can work out together what he can do to make you feel more secure in your relationship. Ideas for this might be like calling you or a text when he is out just to make sure you are okay and let you know what he is up to. There are loads of little ways you can feel more secure in a relationship but first you need to talk and discover which situations make you feel most uneasy, then you will be able to find a way around that.

 

Best of luck.

xxx

[Azual]

Can't say much more than Jordan...

However, as a guy (I don't know if Jordan is a guy or not)...

Ego's honestly should go down the drain, I know that I hold one around my guy friends (What guy doesn't?)... but around female friends, the ego isn't there, the desire for them isn't there, I'm just someone they can talk to about problems, someone they can trust to comfort them.

You gotta see that even if your guy is the "comfort buddy", he isn't going anywhere if he's a true man. He's a trustworthy shoulder to cry on when life sucks, but he'll stay true to you.

 

The snooping will only make him feel less trusted (who can blame him), so try not doing it. So what if he gets a provacative email... it's only if he acts on it should you worry.

[tripptish]

thanks so much, its what i needed to hear from someone that i didnt know....its good advice, im going to try my hardest!