i hate myself: why am i so weak? (long)

[michaelb9689]

Well its probably going to be sort of long...but i met this girl probably about two years ago and we started talking and stuff...sparks...and stuff eventually we ended up going out but it wasnt for very long i think about 2 weeks or something like that (all gay) yea but i dunno i couldnt get over how awsome this chick was...i just found her personality so awsome.

 

She was the one that broke up with me. her reason was that she didnt know me well enough??? (i thought thats y we were dating?) i duno i thought that was a * * * *ty breakup reason. I wanted to tell her no and convince her to stay with me but im not that type of guy ...or at least i wasnt then. But later on i found she regreted breaking up with me and that she still wanted to be with me and stuff....

 

Im kinda cloudy what happened on this part but i dont remember but i think i was trying to move on and just forget about it but then i eventually started talking to her again and once again...sparks.... but then it seemed like out of nowhere she was talking to one of my good friends....then they ended up going out??? i dont even remember how this happened but i know it sucked cuz now i had really started liking her...and i couldnt have her anymore

 

i dunno i couldnt stand that my good friend secretly went out with my ex.!! and didnt want me to know uhhh.... that sucked i dunno i couldnt stop liking her though then at one point she told me she still had feelings for me even though she was with someone else....this drove me crazy i just wished she would break up with him and go with me.......never happened

 

eventually their relationship (girl i like and friend) became unsteady and it seemed like if they were going to break up...then they did.

 

during this time me and her talked alot and i was pretty close to her and she ended up doing stuff with me which was awsome but then later on she went back with her ex. (i just wanted to die) like seriously i hated myself for not being able to let go.....

 

but their relationship continued to stay on the rocks for a while and me and her continued to do stuff....i felt like * * * * for letting her cheat but i dunno i hade this hate against my against my "old friend" so it didnt matter to me...

 

///////////oh wait i left out a detail that he said....According to him he liked her way before i ever started talking to her and that i stole her away from him...seeing how i never heard of this or him never talking to her i had no clue that he liked her which im sure he didnt...i made a move and started talking to her but then he starded dating her behind my back so i had already had sort of a pre-born hate against him.///////////////

 

but yea anyways she continued to cheat on him with me....i kept telling her to just break up with him and be with me....she would tell me she didnt know how to do it so it never happened

 

(this whole time i am seriously going crazy!!!)

 

Well eventually they ended up breaking up for good and i had stopped talking to her for a period and when i did start talking to her after her final breakup again it seemed like this to me ........SPARKS!!!!....... I thought we were finally going to go out for real this time seeing how she wouldnt have to cheat or hide her feelings for me and stuff.....but i dunno we would hold hands kiss hold eachother etc...... but it kept turning from i just want to be friends to more then to less, more, less.....

 

(now i seriously think i am messed up in the head for still talking to this girl and letting myself get this done to me)

 

well in my story i am now closer to today but recently she has just stuck to wanting to be friends and she once again HID ANOTHER relationship behind my back she is now going out with some other guy.....i cryed like a little * * * * *

 

*(what the hell is wrong with me)*

 

and no i am really close to her she tells me all her problems i listen give adivice and help her to be happy

 

i feel like a doormat i just feel like im so far down a hole that there is no way out if anyone read this whole thing i am greatfull this problem has caused me so much greif for almost 2 years now......

 

i think its just cuz i am a weak person sometimes i think i need consuling or something i just wish i could find some other girl to pull me away from all this

 

it seems like no one understands mabye writing all this will help????

 

thank you.....

 

MLB

[Haven]

Your post was a little difficult to understand.. but.. it seems like you still like this girl, even though she treats you badly? And apparently she's been treating you badly for quite a while, and will probably never change and go out with you instead of those other guys?

 

I think you should definitely pull away. Stop listening to her problems, and giving her advice, and so on. Accept that you are so deep into the friend-zone that you're not even really a friend anymore. If you feel like a "doormat," it's probably because you are being used as one.

 

I would suggest cutting off contact, or at least keeping contact to a minimum. Go out with other friends. Don't keep going back to her. I mean, three years? If it hasn't happened by now, then it's never going to.

[michaelb9689]

yea it was kind of long but i dunno what happened and how it ended up being that long (2 years). yea i think your right cease contact....or keep it to a minimum is what i need to do... thanks for the advice

 

i dunno it just seems kind of hard but im sure thats what i need to do...

[bigredvick]

well it seems that she might find exitement in dating behind others back. my friend had an ex who was the same way and when i talked to her she told me that the exitment of getting caught is what keeps her doing that. try to talk from the heart. tell her, "i really feel like a doormat. i wanna be more then friends and sometimes i feel like you are leading to it but then you switch up at the last sec and say you wanna be friends. and when you do lead me on to thinking that we can be more then friends you are always with someone else at the time. what do i do for you? am i entertainment for you? is it a sexual thing? what is it?" then you decide on that from there.

[michaelb9689]

well i dunno i dont think she is like that "just for excitement" but she is like a really bad girlfriend...i mean shes an awsome person she just sucks with relationships.......i need to move on thats all this website tells me haha so im trying i have been and it sucks and its hard

 

 

MLB

[Haven]

You could try doing the 'no contact' thing, where you just completely cut off contact. If you do a search of the threads, you'll find a lot about it. Good luck with everything.

[michaelb9689]

its like impossible.....well not impossible but like super hard cuz i have her for alot of classes and stuff and we always see eachother i just need to somehow start thinking of her more as a friend and not a girlfriend...

any suggestions i know i should just start dating someone else...but it seems liike i cant find anyone interesting or i just dont try or something????

 

uhh...this is so old already