I screwed up bad....now i dont know what to do

[Ardy123]

Recently I cheated on my bf…. I told him the next day that me and "George" only kissed. He forgave me and told me he loved me…so a week went by and everything kept eating at me…. I tried and tried to get together with him to talk. *He didn't know that's what I was trying to do* Every time I tried to get with him he'd always have something better to do. .I couldn't take it anymore. So I wrote him an email telling him I needed to talk about something that was extremely important, but we couldn't talk at school or his house…..

 

Later that night I called him just to talk randomly… just to say hey and see how he was doing…we talked for a lil then he asked me what I needed to talk to him about…I told him I wasn't going to talk about it on the phone b/c it was one of those conversations that needed to be talked about in person. He kept pressuring me to tell him but I wouldn't budge…then he asked if more happened with "George". Right then and there I knew I had to tell him.. I said yes. He asked what happened so I told him…he instantly started to cry, it broke my heart to know that I just hurt the one I care about so much! I hate myself for it. He couldn't stop crying from that point on. He kept saying, "How could you do that to me, I love you" all I could say was I'm sorry and it'd never happen again. He was like "how am I spose to trust you?" I was at a lose of words, all I could say was I'm sorry, I really was and still am. I asked him if we were done, he said "I don't know" I told him if we weren't then we weren't if we were I'd get out of his life forever. He told me he didn't want me out of his life that he still wanted to be friends. We kept talking for a lil then he told me we couldn't be together anymore. I said ok then I guess this is goodbye.

 

I hung up the phone and started to ball. I called my best friend and told him what happened. We talked for a little then we got of the phone.

 

About an hour later I texted my now ex bf, I said "I'm sorry, I never ment to hurt you and I don't want to lose you" he said "iono" I replied "what do you mean you don't know" once again he said "iono" I didn't know what to say so I said "…" he said we will see" I asked him if he wanted his stuff back… He did so I gave them to him that morning b4 school started. I saw the sadness in his eyes. It hurt me so much.

 

I hate myself for cheating on him, I wish I could take it back but I cant.

I see him everyday, and everyday he still gives me a hug and asks if I'm ok. Most of the time I say no or I don't know… he confuses me b/c in person he'll be all sweet and constantly make sure I'm ok but online of the phone he's rude to me.

 

I'm giving up. I'm giving him his space that way he can figure out what he wants. This doesn't mean it's easy for me. It's not. Everyday I hate myself more and more. I walk down the halls at school and I know everyone is staring at me. I feel so helpless. I fight with myself to get up in the morning. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. But I know I screwed up and I guess this is my punishment.

[Sn0man]

Don't do it again. The only one you're really hurting is yourself.

[Firedancer03]

I guess what I don't understand here is why, if you loved him as much as it seems, did you cheat on him with another guy? Because no offense or anything, that is not a loving act. There might be some deeper reason for it, are you guys both young and you wanted to experience someone else? Were you unhappy in the relationship? Was it just temptation? Perhaps it would be good to take some time for yourself and really reflect on the reasons why you cheated on him.

 

As far as your ex goes, there's really nothing you can do or say at this point I don't think. You hurt him very badly, and its going to take him a long time to heal. The wounds are still very fresh. You've already apologized to him and made it clear how you feel about him. Now you just need to leave him alone for awhile so you guys can both think. If you decide you really want to be with him, realize that he has lost most, if not all, of the trust he had for you. It will probably be very hard for him to trust you again. I'm not saying its impossible, but understand that he may not want to try again with you. And that if he does eventually want to try again, it will be a long hard road. For now though, just leave him alone so you both can have a chance to think clearly.

[ILovePasta]

If I were you, and I wanted my bf/gf back after cheating on them, you best be sure I'd be WORKING MY BUTT OFF. Words mean nothing; actions speak volumes!

 

If you are truly sorry and truly want him back, i suggest you do alot more than what you've been doing. Asking him if he wants his stuff back and telling him things like "i guess this is goodbye" is not the way to approach it.

 

Put your pride down and work to get him back... if that's really what you want. You messed up, you ruined your relationship and you broke his heart. You need to put in the extra effort, and i mean EXTRA, if you hope to salvage this.