Recently I cheated on my bf…. I told him the next day that me and "George" only kissed. He forgave me and told me he loved me…so a week went by and everything kept eating at me…. I tried and tried to get together with him to talk. *He didn't know that's what I was trying to do* Every time I tried to get with him he'd always have something better to do. .I couldn't take it anymore. So I wrote him an email telling him I needed to talk about something that was extremely important, but we couldn't talk at school or his house…..
Later that night I called him just to talk randomly… just to say hey and see how he was doing…we talked for a lil then he asked me what I needed to talk to him about…I told him I wasn't going to talk about it on the phone b/c it was one of those conversations that needed to be talked about in person. He kept pressuring me to tell him but I wouldn't budge…then he asked if more happened with "George". Right then and there I knew I had to tell him.. I said yes. He asked what happened so I told him…he instantly started to cry, it broke my heart to know that I just hurt the one I care about so much! I hate myself for it. He couldn't stop crying from that point on. He kept saying, "How could you do that to me, I love you" all I could say was I'm sorry and it'd never happen again. He was like "how am I spose to trust you?" I was at a lose of words, all I could say was I'm sorry, I really was and still am. I asked him if we were done, he said "I don't know" I told him if we weren't then we weren't if we were I'd get out of his life forever. He told me he didn't want me out of his life that he still wanted to be friends. We kept talking for a lil then he told me we couldn't be together anymore. I said ok then I guess this is goodbye.
I hung up the phone and started to ball. I called my best friend and told him what happened. We talked for a little then we got of the phone.
About an hour later I texted my now ex bf, I said "I'm sorry, I never ment to hurt you and I don't want to lose you" he said "iono" I replied "what do you mean you don't know" once again he said "iono" I didn't know what to say so I said "…" he said we will see" I asked him if he wanted his stuff back… He did so I gave them to him that morning b4 school started. I saw the sadness in his eyes. It hurt me so much.
I hate myself for cheating on him, I wish I could take it back but I cant.
I see him everyday, and everyday he still gives me a hug and asks if I'm ok. Most of the time I say no or I don't know… he confuses me b/c in person he'll be all sweet and constantly make sure I'm ok but online of the phone he's rude to me.
I'm giving up. I'm giving him his space that way he can figure out what he wants. This doesn't mean it's easy for me. It's not. Everyday I hate myself more and more. I walk down the halls at school and I know everyone is staring at me. I feel so helpless. I fight with myself to get up in the morning. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. But I know I screwed up and I guess this is my punishment.
