Keys To A Successful Relationship....

[ImThatGirl]

I've been thinking about what is necessary to have a successful relationship today. Or maybe a little more about what causes a relationship to fail due to lack of.

 

I came up with a few things that must be present for me to have a successful relationship. I'm curious to know what everyone else considers to be key....

 

1. Consideration

2. Respect

3. Consistancy

4. Communication

5. Honesty / Trust / Loyalty

6. Compassion / Passion

7. Mutual goals of having a successful relationship

 

I'd love to have your input plllleeeeaaasse!

 

I think lack of one or more of these makes a serious relationship difficult or impossible.

[annie24]

LOL. I remember the advice that my uncle gave me. He and my aunt have been married and ridiculously happy for almost 50 years now.

 

he said to me, "your future husband needs to be 3 things - he needs to be 1) handsome. 2) rich. and 3) an orphan."

[PrincessJOA]

LOL. I remember the advice that my uncle gave me. He and my aunt have been married and ridiculously happy for almost 50 years now.

 

he said to me, "your future husband needs to be 3 things - he needs to be 1) handsome. 2) rich. and 3) an orphan."

 

HAHAHA!! Priceless, that laugh brought tears to my eyes.

[Batya33]

Here's my list (personal to me)- slightly modified

 

1. Consideration

2. Respect

3. Consistency

4. Communication

5. Honesty / Trust / Loyalty

6. Compassion / Passion

7. Mutual goals of having a successful relationship (in general and with each other)

8. Compatible values with respect to all of the above including with respect to what it means to be a couple and if applicable, parents

9. Same religion (for me, personally)

10. Compatible time lines with respect to marriage and family and/or flexibility on those things

11. Independent and fulfilling lives including an interest or passion in helping others

12. Shared love of dessert particularly chocolate and willingness to share all food especially dessert

13. A love of banter and private jokes

14. At least very good social skills and willingness to go to social events and business events

15. A love of travel

16. A love or at least respect for higher education and the goal of passing that love/respect on to children

17. Financial stability

18. Career-related ambition and drive

[ImThatGirl]

Annie, The girls at work have stated that you have to find a guy when they are down and out... Interesting!

 

Batya - Thank you, thank you for your responses! I agree with all of those and love # 12.

[BillyJean714]

#1. HONESTY

 

2. Genuine sincerity

 

3. Altruistic love and caring.

 

4. Respect

 

5. Communication

 

6. Consistancy

 

7. Sharing common interests, values, background.

 

8. Not letting each other go to bed angry.

[annie24]

why should you find a guy specifically when he is down and out? usually, I've found those guys just dump their caring gfs once they get their life back together and they find someone new.

[ImThatGirl]

why should you find a guy specifically when he is down and out? usually, I've found those guys just dump their caring gfs once they get their life back together and they find someone new.

 

I think their point was if you find them when they have nothing, they will love you endlessly and grow with you...

 

???

[annie24]

I think their point was if you find them when they have nothing, they will love you endlessly and grow with you...

 

???

 

meh. i don't think that really works. maybe for some, but I've seen just as many men dump their long term gfs once they get a jet set new job.

[BillyJean714]

why should you find a guy specifically when he is down and out? usually, I've found those guys just dump their caring gfs once they get their life back together and they find someone new.

I must agree.

 

Another thing- the 'right' person and the 'right' relationship comes naturally. Don't sit around and analyze things too much, because the person who cares about you will NEVER play games, and will always be SENSITIVE to your emotions. It's like finding a long-lost best friend, whom you mesh well in every single way.

 

Good luck to us all ladies!

[perfectliljewel]

all of those are great i LOVE a guy that shows affection too. but deffinatly being respectful at the same time. for a high school student the whole "no means no" is a big deal too.

[SarahRose]

Someone told me to marry an ugly man. He won't have a wandering eye and will be greatful to have you. Not sure how true that is.

 

Don't most people try to trade up when their lives improve?

[BillyJean714]

LoL. No, that is not true. If anything, he'll probably think, "If I can get someone like her, I can get plenty more." Some of them get REALLY cocky, especially if you open up and show them sincerity.

 

I've known some really hideous, I'm sorry, but they were, really ogre like hideous guys who cheated on their beautiful gfs. I've also met some REALLY handsome guys, who are really down-to-earth, have good values, and aren't the flirty/cheating types.

 

It all depends. Safest way to go at it:

1. Trust your gut.

2. Observe their actions

3. Look for contradictions/inconsistancies.

 

That's how you can best spot out a b.s'r. when you're with one!

[canuckhead]

 

1. Consideration

2. Respect

3. Consistancy

4. Communication

5. Honesty / Trust / Loyalty

6. Compassion / Passion

7. Mutual goals of having a successful relationship

 

while i agree with most...but not consistency. from what i learned...that means boring. girls want a guy that surprises them and is unpredictable...right? or maybe i'm misunderstanding...

[freedom]

THe longer your list, the higher maintenance you are, the more controller you become, the les likely you will find a mate as you are to demanding and controlling in what you want/ expect.

Relationship is about giving & taking, mistakes will happen along the way that will effect your list. Leaving a relationship when i falls outside your 'requirements' can mean that you mightn't given it a opportunity to grow or you have become so inflexible that you use the list to comfort your insecurity.

[ImThatGirl]

while i agree with most...but not consistency. from what i learned...that means boring. girls want a guy that surprises them and is unpredictable...right? or maybe i'm misunderstanding...

 

Yes we love surprises.

 

However, we don't love not knowing if we can count on our guys. Consistancy as far as their ability to consistantly love, communicate, etc.

[ImThatGirl]

THe longer your list, the higher maintenance you are, the more controller you become, the les likely you will find a mate as you are to demanding and controlling in what you want/ expect.

Relationship is about giving & taking, mistakes will happen along the way that will effect your list. Leaving a relationship when i falls outside your 'requirements' can mean that you mightn't given it a opportunity to grow or you have become so inflexible that you use the list to comfort your insecurity.

 

 

I disagree. We all deserve to have a "healthy" relationship. For some of us, the keys to a relationship and our needs may be different.

 

I didn't mean that if they don't meet up to every single one. But, if they lack in several of the keys, I don't think they are sincere.

 

I give those things. I don't think it's so much to expect them in return.

[Batya33]

Someone told me to marry an ugly man. He won't have a wandering eye and will be greatful to have you. Not sure how true that is.

 

Don't most people try to trade up when their lives improve?

 

Ugly men can be equally ugly inside and want to be with a prostitute. Also, would you want someone to marry you because they thought you were a safe bet based on your looks? He might not say it outright but wouldn't those "vibes" bother you?

[Batya33]

I must agree.

 

Another thing- the 'right' person and the 'right' relationship comes naturally. Don't sit around and analyze things too much, because the person who cares about you will NEVER play games, and will always be SENSITIVE to your emotions. It's like finding a long-lost best friend, whom you mesh well in every single way.

 

Good luck to us all ladies!

 

I disagree with this. There always will be times when people behave in ways that are unpleasant or manipulative, etc, or insensitively if they've had a bad day. We hope that those times happen rarely balanced against everything else. When they do happen we hope that most of the time it is not a major issue or it can be talked about. To me, right person means the willingness to work on the relationship. if there were never any insensitive moments or any "games" whatever that means - then there would be no couples therapy and there would be no need for certain of the wedding vows - why would there be a promise to cherish someone if cherishing, according to you was all just a matter of natural instinct, all the time? Obviously the promise is there for those times when we're having a bad day or take our significant other for granted.

 

Obviously we all have our dealbreakers - if someone was insensitive to me by cheating on me or played games by lying to me about drug use, the relationship would be over. But if my significant other had a bad day and made some harsh remark when I shared something I might be upset but we would talk about it and hopefully resolve it - and hopefully most of the time it wouldn't be like that.

 

I guess what i'm saying is I think your standards are more consistent with the myth of "the one" than with real relationships that are very healthy and happy.

[Momene]

My wife married an ugly bloke so nobody else would be interested in me but I still get hit on from time to time.

[ImThatGirl]

My wife married an ugly bloke so nobody else would be interested in me but I still get hit on from time to time.

 

Momene - You make me laugh....!