need some help.

[Josh30041]

Hey all. Got some things I need to work on and need some advice on going about working on them.

 

My mother and stepdad are getting a divorce and we have all been a little edgy lately. Because of this I have been getting angry about the smallest things (traffic jam on major road this evening, backup for a few miles, someone behind me honking because I was being safe before turning, dsl taking a moment to load a web page, construction messing me up a little bit when driving, etc..) I live in atlanta area and I know a lot of construction and some traffic jams do happen now and then and dsl does slow down for a min now and then...

 

What can I do besides walk away from computer for a few and turn on music in the car to help me relax a little? I dont want this to affect my driving habits and affect my job performance when I start my new computer repair and/or building them job. I cant walk away from a computer at work all the time I get frustrated, so what else can I do? and I know i cant ask for help all the time either..

 

Also I get nervous around little kids I dont know and dont know what to say to them/how to act around them. I mean they are not like my 20-30 y/o friends and not like family.. What do I say to them/how do I act aroudn them?

 

And last thing is one of my friends has stopped talking to me out of the blue. Not sure what happened. Asked her if she was angry at me and no response back. I mean we had our disagreements like everyone else but we had lots of fun hanging out too. We were ex bf/gf... I know this had something to do with it, but to stop talking out of the blue is strange, esp when we decided that being ex's was not going to ruin the friendship. How do I pick up on bad vibes so hopefully the friendship will not be ruined?

 

And how can I work on my stepodad and me friendship before it gets ruined? We have a hard time talking a lot and he does intimidate me sometimes... But he has been reading a few books and working on things. So have I. How can I talk to him?

 

sorry for the long post but I really want to work on these things.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

I’m about to sign out and crash, but here’s a few ideas.

 

You’re probably full of energy right now. People under stress have adrenaline pumping, so head out and do something that makes you sweat. It sounds corny, and everybody says this, but a great way to blow off steam is doing some exercise. The best thing I did was change my eating habits and being to exercise regularly. You get the benefit of an endorphin rush, look better and have less stress. But it’s can be a chore if you don’t do something you like. Sounds like you have time, so join up somewhere.

 

If you have a quite space, find something not related to your problem to read. Something that takes you out of your head for a while. I’ve been reading Hemmingway’s For Whom the Bell Tolls and *finally* after chapter 27 something interesting happened. But all those other chapters kept my mind from spinning it’s wheels over problems that were going on around me, and it’s nice to be able to have a break for a few hours.

 

And better to walk away for a few minutes from the computer than to bash the thing. Could you privately tell your boss that you are having these problems and need a little bit of slack? Not sure about your ex. Maybe she doesn’t know how to tell you that she doesn’t want to be around you right now, so she’s taking the “can’t you tell from my actions” route.

 

You step dad probably has a lot on his plate right now, and he might be worried about the same thing too. Can you tell him that you really don’t want to stop being buddies with him after the divorce is over? Ask him to go for a walk with you and tell him what’s on your mind.

[Josh30041]

cool, thanks.

[faydra]

I really like "reluctant's" advice on going to a gym, or just go for a walk or a jog. I believe that exercise is one of the keys to a healthy mind.

 

Divorce is one of the hardest things people experience. When the time is right I would tell your stepdad that you care for him, that you've learned a lot from him and that you and he will, hopefully, always have a friendship. Isn't it funny that talking and telling others how you feel is sometimes the hardest thing to do.

 

Little kids - all they look for is honesty, trust, and laughter. It's easier for them if you approach them first - just ask them their name, how old they are - and a couple minutes later ask them if they eat worms - they will laugh and feel wonder about you. Little children know they are different from us adults and they like it when that bridge is connected. They can cause us self-conscious adults to be uncomfortable sometimes. Just be yourself without any guards up and remember when you were a little guy growing up. Be kind and caring.

[now_better]

What can I do besides walk away from computer for a few and turn on music in the car to help me relax a little?

 

when i was a little kid, i took karate classes and one of the things you learn to do in these classes is to relax. take deep breaths and then slowly release it out of your system (we would raise our hands up to our face when breathing in and lower it down in a waving motion when breathing out). it sounds retarded, but it might have a calming effect on you when you get annoyed.

 

Also I get nervous around little kids I dont know and dont know what to say to them/how to act around them. I mean they are not like my 20-30 y/o friends and not like family.. What do I say to them/how do I act aroudn them?

 

kids are great. i feel 1000x more comfortable around kids than adults. everybody was a kid at one point in their life so all you need to do is put yourself in their position. i think most kids are told to "act older" by their parents, teachers, tv, etc. so when i'm w/ kids, i let them know it's perfectly fine to act your age. i'll say the most preposterous things to them and then they'll look at me weird, then they'll realize that i was kidding and then they'll play along. the more ridiculous you are, the more they will realize that you just want to have fun.

 

ex:

me: oh, how old is that guy?

cousin: he's 28, no 23.

me: 283?!?!

cousin: no, i said 23.

me: wow, 283 so are you telling me that he grew up with dinosaurs?

cousin: NO!!! he's 23!

me: i wish i could have grown up riding a T-Rex...

 

also, kids love being chased around and tossed like a rag doll. i'll throw my cousin's son on the bed a couple of times and him and his sister will be like "my turn! my turn!"

 

How do I pick up on bad vibes so hopefully the friendship will not be ruined?

 

i dunno about this. this is complicated. i think you can try to reach out to somebody a couple of times, but if they don't reciprocate, there's not much you can do.

[Josh30041]

ok, thanks