like someone who has just come out of relationship

[uongy]

hi there..just have a slight issue over a girl i like.

 

i met this new girl a few weeks ago.she is new at the university i go to and she is very pretty etc.as ive got to know her a bit,it was revealed that she had a boyfriend and that they have just broken up.as i understand it,she broke up with him a couple of weeks ago.

 

now...i havent actually spoken to her about it but ive got info from her friends who are my friends also.she and her ex are still talking as i understand it.

 

she hasnt really talked about it with her friends and im a bit confused as to what exactly is happening.

 

in any case.....i do like her and it appears she likes having me around.she laughs at my jokes and is responsive and happy being around me.her friends ahve said as much.they have also discussed my feelings for her with me and said jst to give it time.

 

now obviously im not going to tell her my feelings yet and i feel i need to get to know her more.but do u think its worthwhile me doing this or should i just move on??

 

any thoughts welcome.

Mikey

[TheRedQueen]

Be patient, at this point in time it is still up in the air as to whether or not it would be worth your investment. Needless to say, don't get bogged down by this.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

I agree. If she's still talking with the guy you might get a surprise if she gets back together with him. Still, nothing wrong with sticking around a bit to see what happens. Just don't pass up on other opportunities if they come up.

[Dating Coach]

You're in danger here as you seem to be a bit too interested for your own good since you don't even know if she is interested back. The longer you wait before asking her out and finding out what she thinks of you then the deeper your crush will become... which is definitely not a good position to be in.

It's not fair to yourself and it's not fair to her if you are totally crushing on her and if she hasn't even really given you much of a romantic thought. If she has barely thought about you like that and finds out you are goo goo over her, then that's quite a lot of pressure to put on her. This is why you need to either back off and limit contact until her situation with the ex has passed, or it's time for you to ask her out on a date and find out where you stand. The last thing you want to do is get more and more attached without even knowing whether or not she is interested.

[atraceofblood]

how would you keep your feelings for the girl if you were to limit contact and back off a bit until the girl deals with her ex-bf situation, and without getting too attached?

[Dating Coach]

how would you keep your feelings for the girl if you were to limit contact and back off a bit until the girl deals with her ex-bf situation, and without getting too attached?

 

The best way to go about it would be to ask the girl out shortly after realizing that there might be potential there. If you start thinking, "you know, she's really cool! I wouldn't mind seeing if something could be here..." then you need to get on the ball and ask her out. You're not asking her to be your girlfriend, you're not asking her to marry you, you're simply taking the intiative to see if perhaps she also thinks there may be potential.

Too many guys feel that there may be an attraction but instead of acknowledging this they instead sneak in closer to her under the disguise of being "just friends". In her mind all she see's is this guy who's being nice and apparently is only looking to make friends. She's still going to be looking elsewhere for a potential guy to go out with and date and she's not going to be looking too long at a guy who's only actions are signaling, "we're friends".

 

As per this scenario the OP didn't pursue setting up a date and letting her know that he feels there might be something there. He's getting too involved and the more time he spends in this position he's only going to get more involved. It's not going to be healthy for him or his goals to do this. He needs to find out where he stands ASAP and if he stands in a place where she's not willing to date him then he needs to accept that, and move on. If she is willing to date him then great, take it from there. If he is not going to say anything at this time because he feels it's a bad time then he needs to back away from becoming too close as "just friends" otherwise he may permanently fixate himself as just that in her mind-if he's not already.