Why do people rebound?

[burnoutcure]

I just wanted to see what other people had to say about rebounding from a relationship. It was recently brought to my attention that my ex-boyfriend has already moved on from me within days of our break-up. I don't know if this is true as I have not heard it from him but since we are broken up, I don't think it is fair or see the point of having him confirm or deny this.

 

I mean it's his life and he can do whatever he wants but I feel extremely confused by all of this. I know that I ultimately should not care and just let it go, but it hurts. It makes me feel as if I was insignificant to him and so easy to get over and move past. And maybe that is the hard truth that I need to realize.

 

In your opinion and experiences why does this happen? Why do people begin new relationships so soon, or go out and hook-up with other people before the bed has even gone cold from your departure?

 

Does it mean they really didnt care or that it was so easy to get over you? Or is it something else?

 

I just don't get it.

[AngelEyez]

Sometimes this situation happens when someone never cared for the other in the first place. It's easy for them to move on. OR Someone is afraid to be alone, thereforeeee he/she involves themself quickly into another relationship. If you think about it, this may be what happened with you. You're boyfriend was afraid to be alone, so whomever he hooked up with...unlucky her. He did it based on his emotions [sadness, anger, depression...]. She's not seeing the true him.

If you really think that it was easy for him to get over you, then wouldn't that be like he never cared for you in the first place? Unless you cheated on him, I don't see why he would get over you so quick or not have feelings for you. Maybe he already knows that sooner or later, he has to find that someone else to love, and he had a chance right after your break up. Instead of sulking and waiting like most people, he took whatever he could. It may be easier for him to get over you if he has someone else to rely on... I wouldn't be too happy if I were you, but then again, I wouldn't be too happy being that other girl... A situation like this can actually make you move further and start new relationships. Don't dwell on his actions. Think of what YOU have to do now to make YOURSELF happy.

[laboheme]

If it's the dumpers we're talking about, it's entirely possible for them to have a rebound relationship because they could have checked out of the last one long before it was officially over. Yes, maybe the status was still there, but the feelings weren't. So they spent the few weeks, maybe even months before the actual breakup getting over the relationship...and maybe by the time the breakup was official, they were ready to move on. Then, of course, there's the issue of respect...I personally don't think it's very nice to go out and date somebody within days of breaking up. Common courtesy, to me...

 

And if it's the dumpees that are moving on...who knows, maybe they would have been the dumpers but didn't want to be mean? In which case, the above paragraph applies. If they really are devastated though, they may be looking for a distraction to take their mind off of the breakup...

[burnoutcure]

Thank you for your insight. You both make very different and valid points. I guess I just wish that I did not have this information to begin with, it is incredibly disheartening to know what he is doing. Whether his actions with this other person are meaningful or not, it sucks.

[JoeWho]

The two reasons above probably cover close to 95% of rebound situations, well said laboheme and AngelEyez. Whatever thier reason for rebounding is, it sucks. I know how you feel, same thing happened to me. This is going to sound harsh but the best thing for you to do is just think that they no longer exist. There is no point in finding out what they are up to because nine time out of ten it wil be something that will hurt you. Dont rebound yourself either, take the time to heal and then when you are ready to date again you will be a better partner for everything that has happaned.

[betrayedgirl]

My best friend always dealt with her breakups by immediately rebounding.

 

I couldn't do that! UGh!

[Deserted1]

To be honest, I think when most people "rebound", they have been setting themselves up for weeks or even months with the rebounder. So when they feel that a new relationship will work for them they "leave off" with you and "continue" with the new person. Then they don't have to deal with the guilt of breaking up with you and they are "so called" happy with the new person and they're not alone. What they don't realize is that they never dealt with your break up and it will haunt them later in life. So let them deal with that! Just take care of you!

[Derailed]

To be honest, I think when most people "rebound", they have been setting themselves up for weeks or even months with the rebounder. So when they feel that a new relationship will work for them they "leave off" with you and "continue" with the new person. Then they don't have to deal with the guilt of breaking up with you and they are "so called" happy with the new person and they're not alone. What they don't realize is that they never dealt with your break up and it will haunt them later in life. So let them deal with that! Just take care of you!

 

This is exactly what happened to me. I want to hurt my ex and his coworker really bad.

[lost1607307474]

After I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years I rebounded off to this other guy immediately. For me, I think I rebounded because I was so used to being in a relationship it was a shock to my system to suddenly be single. I needed the familiarity of a relationship? But other people can rebound or other reasons of course. My best friend tends to constantly rebound purely to make her ex's jealous.

[ebsmith1]

My ex immediately (or perhaps before) began seeing someone after breaking our engagement. I saw them together three days after he broke up with me. It crushed me, but I know he's a chronic rebounder. I was probably his rebound from the girl before me, even though he said I wasn't. He cannot be alone and it's sad. My problem is, I've recently met someone nice and I'm wondering if it's too soon. I still really love my ex and wish he would come back, but I also know that's not likely and I don't want to miss out on someone good. It's very hard either way.

[temujin]

Rebound relationships dun last and itwill inflict even more pain on the persons rebounding when it ends.... I know because my ex called me yesterday and told me that she broke up with her rebound and she is now very sad everyday and missing me while I have almost healed and is now totally enjoying my life.

[burnoutcure]

Thanks for all your advice and opinions. He and I actually spoke the other day and I asked him directly if he has been spending anytime or talking with another girl and he flat out denied this. This is very unfortunate to me as he always was someone who I thought made a point to be honest.

 

I wanted to believe him but unfortunately with what I know, it would be naive. It's strange because as much as it hurts, it also helps. I mean how can I continue to care about someone who has definitely moved on?

 

Reading this thread about people's thoughts on rebounds, I wonder if we kid ourselves sometimes. We say that they can't be alone and it will come back to haunt them or it won't work out in the end. Do you ever just think, they really just don't care about us. I have been wondering this as of late and it is a hard thing to admit.

[burnoutcure]

A last thought, I think what I have realized the most from this is to try and not dwell on what he may or may not be doing. The end is all the same, ultimately we are not together.

 

Although we did have some trying times, we also had a lot of wonderful experiences together. We may have fought, but we also loved and laughed too. I wanted it to work and thought it could have. He thought we were incompatible but I relaized communication is something that can and is worked on. it took me many years to understand this so I don't really fault him for not seeing this. And unfortunately, it takes two people to believe in what you share to make it happen.

 

Has he moved on? Perhaps. But I think the best thing to do is to just stop listening to what other people say they might have saw or heard. I just need to move on and try and remember the good things about him rather than dwell on what's negative.

[temujin]

Reading this thread about people's thoughts on rebounds, I wonder if we kid ourselves sometimes. We say that they can't be alone and it will come back to haunt them or it won't work out in the end. Do you ever just think, they really just don't care about us. I have been wondering this as of late and it is a hard thing to admit.

 

I thought i was kidding myself.. But after I moved on, she finally called and she said that she was in a lot of pain and regretted doing all the thing she did. Now she is going through the same ordeal she gave me after running off with another guy. Yes the rebound might work or not work out but i believe that it will definitely come back to haunt them.

[Derailed]

 

Reading this thread about people's thoughts on rebounds, I wonder if we kid ourselves sometimes. We say that they can't be alone and it will come back to haunt them or it won't work out in the end. Do you ever just think, they really just don't care about us. I have been wondering this as of late and it is a hard thing to admit.

 

I think about this a lot. Specially with my ex immediately seeing someone after we broke up, I find myself wishing the myth about short-lived rebound relationships were true.

 

But I know people who have jumped from one relationship to another, and their relationships were lasting . My brother for example, is a serial abandoner, and has always overlapped his relationships. He has never been single since he turned 16. All of his relationships (excluding his very first) were all 'rebound relationships.' And these lasted 2-3 years on average.

 

So, I don't know, maybe some rebounds do last. Any thoughts on this?