How to solve ANY relationship conflict!

[brando]

I have also read that it really takes only one person in a relationship from preventing a discusiion or a lite argument from going into the "hole"

 

Some say use the STOP technique. Whereone of the two partners say stop when things are getting a little heated, a cool off period, and an agreement beforehand, a contract if you will, of how long the cool off period will be before trying to discuss again.

[melrich]

Some say use the STOP technique. Whereone of the two partners say stop when things are getting a little heated, a cool off period, and an agreement beforehand, a contract if you will, of how long the cool off period will be before trying to discuss again.

 

That's what we use. My partner is pretty temperamental and this really works for us. It takes the immediate heat and passion out of things.

 

I don't think my partner would have the temperament, discipline or patience to "swap" sides.

[Aurian]

Sounds like a good idea, but it only works if both try. Towards the end of my marriage, I tried doing this. I argued his side and tried to show him that I understood his concerns about an ongoing issue. I think I did a good job. I think part of this technique also shows that when arguing, you DO hear the other person, and it shows if you are able to argue their side and show understanding and empathy.

 

Him? Well, apparently the reason I was taking my side was because I was sick, insane and stupid.

 

That went well.

 

However, the fact that he was so unwilling to stop looking only at his side and his needs and consider that I had my own thoughts, feelings and needs was one of the reasons that led to my ending it. So in a way, this technique was very good!