and apparently I'm single again...

[friscodj]

Simply my opinion.

 

And simply an amazing one...spoken by someone with more wisdom and insight than their years may show...

[JIzzyM]

Thanks everyone. I am realizing that most of you are right and I had some of the same thoughts and questions run through my head.

 

If he doesn't want me to be a problem-solving partner, then your right, I deserve better than that. I am going away today to visit my best friend up at college, so I think it will be good and I will have some fun. We will bash him a bit and I'm sure that will make me feel a little better.

 

Who knows what the future holds, so I'm going to go out and have fun and stop worrying about this whole situation. Yes, I'm still going to live here with him and be friends, but no I am not going to sit around and wait. Opportunities will not pass me by and he can not stop me from being happy. I don't need a man in my life to be happy, so from now on I'm going to worry about it as little as possible and try to stay positive.

 

It's going to be hard, but it's going to be better in the end that I stop fretting over this whole ordeal. Thanks again everyone. You all have such kind, realistic words with wisdom thrown in at the perfect spots. Thanks!

[JIzzyM]

Hey everyone! Little update here for you all to read over and help pass the time.

 

Tonight, I went to visit my best friend at her college to hang out and have fun. I hadn't talked to the ex all day and wasn't expecting to at all tonight. He had gone up to visit a friend too, but was spending the night there. I obviously didn't spend the night and will be going out tonight with some friends here at home to have fun. (when I say have fun, I don't always mean drink haha I don't drink very often)

 

I was getting ready to leave my friend's apartment when I got a call from the ex. He said he was bored and everyone was already passed out (it's homecoming they drink all day) and he didn't drink. He wanted to call and say hi and see what I was doing. He thought I might be at home, bored waiting for my roommate to get off of work. He seemed surprised that I was out having fun. We talked for a while and then he said he missed me and that since I told him that we need to communicate better and that I wish he would just tell me what he was thinking (since its always a guessing game since we broke up). So he said he did that and he wanted to tell me that he missed me and wished I was there.

 

Haha isn't that hilarious. I told him that he saw he last night and he said I know but I won't see you tonight. I don't know what he is trying to prove here but I'm going to ignore it until it's actaully brought up and brought to my attention.

 

Feel free to leave comments and let me know what you guys think! Thanks and I wish everyone the best with their situations!

[JIzzyM]

I know that I have been updating a lot lately and am the only one posting on here now, but I feel like I need to get this out before I call up everyone in my phonebook and ask them about it at 3:15 in the morning.

 

So, tonight while I was out at a bar with my friends (I was the DD ) I got a call from the ex, but I didn't answer. YAY! Then I got a text message asking what I was going? and I didn't say anything back. YAY! So then about 3 minutes later I got another text from him saying,"I know your avoiding me probably but I just wanted to talk but if you don't I'll understand just tell me that". So, I caved in and sent one back telling him that I was out and it was loud and that my roommate was drunk and I had to take care of her and if it was important to call later. He responded with,"No, I'm sorry look can we talk tomorrow?" I asked if he was drinking...bc if he was then I would say no bc he was just drunk, lonely, and sad. He said,"Nope". So I said we could talk tomorrow. A few texts later we said goodnight.

 

I don't know what this means. I'm thinking he is going to tell me something like he can't live here with me anymore or that he doesn't ever want to see me again. I don't know what to think, because I don't want to get my hopes up. I mean he did call me tonight to tell me that he missed me. ?? Who the hell knows?

 

Let me know if you guys have any ideas on this because I'm going a little crazy trying to figure out what to think. Thanks everyone!!

[Ellie2006]

Hi Jizzy,

I'm glad you had a fun night out w/ your pals!

You said in one of your posts that you do ultimately see yourself getting back w/ your ex. BUT in your original post, you wrote that the reasons your ex broke up w/ you were because he "needed to find himself and figure out how to make himself happy." Unless he's found himself and figured out how to make himself happy since you guys broke up, you may find yourself in the same position in the near future, if you get back together w/ him now. I am sorry if this sounds harsh but unless he takes care of the issues that broke you guys up before, they will come creeping back into the relationship sooner or later, IMO.

 

J, I know you guys still care for each other BUT now is not the time to get back together, I don't think.

 

This is my two cents worth and I hope I haven't offended you w/ my bluntness. Hang in there okay and I send best wishes your way...

[JIzzyM]

Alright, so we are going to be talking soon. I feel like I need to do something. I can't sit still, I can't think about anything for more than 5 seconds, I can't do anything! I want to go do something, but it's Sunday night and there isn't anything to do here at 10pm. ](*,)

 

I asked him earlier if it was bad? If it was his mother? If he is okay? If I should worry about someone? He said no to all of those things. I asked for something, anything! He said it had to do with he and I. So I asked if it was something like, "Oh we are doing good as friends and blah blah blah something dumb like that" and he said no, don't worry. We will talk about it later and I want a long time to be able talk about it and stuff.

 

Who knows what this means? I don't and you guys can't tell me anything either. So, here's to not getting my hopes up and being strong!

[Derailed]

I might be too late, but, Be strong! Keep it cool.

 

Tell us how it went.

[JIzzyM]

It went well. We aren't back together or anything, but we talked a lot and I think he is feeling better about his life. Yes, he still has some stuff to work on and I understand that. I don't know if we will ever get back together or not, but I'm just glad he's feeling better about everything.

 

He said that maybe I was right and he did just give up on us without trying and he regrets that. He says he misses me and loves me and wants to be with me, but he has to love himself before he can be the boyfriend I deserve. They do say you have to learn to love yourself before you can love and be there for someone else and I understand that. Yes, he loves me and misses me, but this is his time for himself and he promised he is going to work on himself and see someone at the college this week about it.

 

He said that he really listens to me and takes to heart what I say and thinks about it a lot and the advice and things I tell him are really helping him. I'm just glad that I can help. He says he sees a change in me as well, a good change. We both are taking this time to work on ourselves and if we work out, then great, but if we end up just being friends then I guess I will be alright with that too. He is afraid of disapointing me and doesn't want to be back together until he is clear of his problems. That could be never or too late and we both understand that. I told him he could be giving up on a great thing and he says he knows that and I told him sometimes you have to take chances in life on the things you love and he agreed.

 

I told him that if he wants me back he is going to have to work hard and show me that he wants to be with me for the right reasons and that things will be different. We both agreed that neither is at fault and that we both have things to work on if we ever got back together and that if we did, it would be hard work and we both would have to be 100% commited to working it out. I know somethings I did in the relationship weren't right and didn't help the situation and he said the same thing.

 

Who knows what will happen, but thank you to everyone on here who took the time to read through my posts and help out!

[whoops]

i dont think you should go back to him - you are both so young and there is so much to learn about each other and yourselves. It is time for you to move on and you have to start to learn not to be there for him as this is bad for you emotionally.

 

It is better this happened now - feel liberated and find out what else is there. You got serious so young and being with someone when you ar that age i dont think is such a good thing always. You both have lots of growing to do and it is amazing how much that changes as you grow older.

 

Please dont be hurt by my bluntness but i am sure others would agree that to have this maybe hope of getting back togheter is detrimental to who you are and is hurting you more- you have to work out who you are as you and he needs to know who he is. Growing pains is all he is going through and sometimes that has to be done on your own.

[JIzzyM]

Hey all. Time for an update. The ex and I talk everyday and we have heart to hearts about our lives and how we are trying to improve them for ourselves. He is obviously still in his depression and is calling the couselor tomorrow while I'm here to prove to me that he really wants to work on himself.

 

He still says I'm the love of his life and that one day he will regret this decision, but is glad we are friends now. I told him I will not wait around for him to decide if he wants to be with me or not and he understood. He has a long way to go with feeling better with himself and I have a way to go until I'm completely happy with myself, but I'm working on it and am making good progress.

 

Who knows what will happen in the future, but I'm going to let the chips fall where they may. It's out of my hands and I'm just focused on the future, my future.

 

On a side note, I feel there is a lot of negativity on this board sometimes. Everyone says go NC!! That can't fix everything and especially is impossible in my situation. Thank you very much to the people who have taken that into consideration and given personalized advice instead of just pushing NC down everyone's throat without taking into account the situation. I am not trying to be mean or a * * * * *, just my opinion and everyone is entitiled to a opinion. That doesn't make anyone right or wrong. Just a thought I had.

 

Thanks to everyone. Hope everyone is doing well and having good luck in their love lives or just lives in general!!

[Derailed]

Jizzy i'm a little sad to read your post, only because I will not see you as much on the boards anymore.

 

BUT i'm glad you have resolved this in a way, and is in a much happier place as a result. About the NC, I agree that I myself am starting to waver. I don't see the point anymore, with my ex totally ignoring my absense and myself not getting any better. But I'm still holding on to NC, only because I've exhausted all other avenues.

 

I wish you all the best. i am happy that you handled this positively and didn't have to suffer much through it. I may not know you personally, but I've somehow bonded with a lot of the people here, on a level that I have not bonded with my friends in real life. Is it safe to say you've graduated from EnotAlone?! Don't forget us!

 

Goodluck and Godspeed.

[JIzzyM]

Derailed-

By no means am I done with ENA!! I still very much appreciate everyone's advice and concern and will continue to post on this thread bc I know I will need some help, motivation, and some place to vent still since I am not completely over my ex, just getting better about some things. I am still going to post on other's threads too bc I love hearing everyone's stories and love trying to help others! Don't worry I definitly haven't graduted from enotalone, bc I still need this site, weather it be for the breakup forum or the other forums.

 

Thank you so much for your kind words too! I really appreciate them and I feel like I have bonded with a few people (your one of them) on this site too! I talk to my friends about this situation until their ears fall off, but sometimes I feel like they might just tell me what they think I want to hear or they haven't been in a situation like this before. So, thank you to everyone for being here and trying to help out yourselves and others!

[JIzzyM]

Hey everyone. Time for an update on my situation. I haven't been able to post lately because my laptop adaptor is broken, so ironically I'm on my ex's computer. HA!

 

So, I have no idea where I left off, but I'll start back up from a few days ago. The ex and I went to eat on Thursday night with our roommate and her ex. fun. We had a good time and hung out talking for a long time. He told me later that he just wanted to go out and have fun with me. How cute right? No, I'm not being serious, that's sarcasm at its finest. He was the one who initiated the hanging out and I just went with it.

 

Friday night we had a Halloween party. It was a lot of fun and I had a good time, for the most part. Now we all know that alcohol and ex's don't mix, but apparently I decided to forgo that memo and did it anyways. Well, it ended with some tears and some fights. He went to get me food (he didn't drink, but I think I made up for that...ps- I'm a lightweight so 3 drinks and I'm definitly good and I rarely drink. So, don't worry I'm not abusing the bottle.) ...So, yeah he went to get me some food and sat with me in my (our old) room and we talked for a little. I started to ugly cry (I hate the ugly cry!) and he asked what he could do for me. I told him I didn't want to be alone and he said he would stay with me and I said I just want someone to cuddle with and he said he would cuddle with me. Well, he asked me 3 times if I wanted him to stay and 3 times I told him yes. He then said he didn't think it was a good idea and left. I continued to cry/sleep.

 

We talked about this later and he said he was confused and wanted to do the right thing. He didn't want me to be upset with him in the morning and didn't want to give me false hopes. He said he tried to stay with me as long as possible that night and that's why he stayed up with me until 5am. blah blah blah/ he rejected me. cool.

 

So, Saturday night he asked me if I wanted to go to a show with him. I decided I would, partly because I love the band that played and ti was their final show and partly because I wanted us to have fun and spend time together where we didn't talk about "us" at all. I had made a conscious decision to not talk or bring up anything involoving "us" anymore, EVER! (I would like to think that this is a good call and something that will help me a lot in getting thru this). So, we went to the show and had a good time. I figured he would have left me alone a lot more since we aren't together or anything, but he was very attentive and stayed with me all night. I even told him that I was fine alone, if he wanted to go talk to others or do whatever. We did get lost on the way there and we didn't fight about it or anything. He would get a little huffy and then I would say something positive and ti would calm him down and then we would laugh about something, so at least we were making decent conversation. We hung out after the show as well and he helped me set up his computer with the wireless so I could use it.

 

 

I have decided that I will no longer speak of our relationship to him at all. Most people still don't even know we broke up, so that's a little weird, but oh well. I am going to be more unavailable to him, so he sees that I can have a life outside of him. It seems that when I'm not around to talk to or see, he starts to think about things and makes more progress with his quarter life crisis deal. It also helps me get out there and make friends and work on ME!

 

So, basically I'm going to be physically and emotionally unavailable to him. He won't see me as much and won't talk to me as much and maybe that will help both of us. I know this is supposed to be all about me, but when you love someone you also try and look out for them too, so I'm working on me 100% and trying to make life a little easier and clearer for him along the way.

 

Hope everyone has a great Halloween and is doing well!

[Derailed]

Hey Jizzy. Glad to see an update on your situation. Im glad that the whole thing is getting more stable. I think its an excellent observation on your part to keep the relationship talk under wraps. Seems this may be a good way to draw him out. I know its probably hard for you though. Seeing as you love this guy and want nothing more than to be back to the way things were.

 

Keep on dealing with it, and avoid rash actions. I am rooting for you and your ex to patch things up for good.

[JIzzyM]

Okay today is a bad day. Bad day all around. I'm having a tough time with this break-up. A terribly tough time. I don't want to be without him. Man, life sure does suck.

 

On top of that, the small company that I work for (amazing job!) is closing. So, I only have 2-3 weeks left until I am unemployed. I need to find another job and that is going to suck a whole hell of a lot.

 

School...is bad too. I am trying to figure out which college to go to next. I have decided after much (many months!) of thought, to change my major. I was a Fine Art major, but I think I want to be in the allied health care field. I'm looking into colleges for that now too.

 

So in the span of 2 weeks, I lost the love of my life, an amazing job, and am undecided about my future. I know a lot of you are going to say, "Oh you're young and have a lot more love out there for you!" Okay and no. No, I do not have another love out there. This was it. I had it in the bag. He is the guy of my dreams. He is the man I am supposed to be with forever. Awesome. Now he's gone. Life sure does suck a big one.

[Ellie2006]

Hey J,

I hearya about life sucking big time right now...

I don't know what's going around but I am totally depressed as well

 

Let's hang in there ...

[JIzzyM]

Alright, so I came to the conclusion that I am going to date. Yes, date.

 

I was told today by my ex that he doesn't know what he wants from me right now. This was prompted by a question of weather or not he wants me to move on and never look back.

 

So, while I wait and see, I'm going to date. Not serious dating, just hanging out and having fun. Maybe I'll find someone better or maybe I won't but I'm sure I'll make some friends this way. I can't sit around and wait for someone to decide if they want to be with me or not. That's just cruel!

 

Maybe this is what I need to move on or to get out there and be happy with myself. Maybe this will kick my ex into gear and have him realize his mistakes, but that doesn't mean I'm doing it for him. It also doesn't mean I don't still love him and want to be with him sometime. I just don't think now is the right time, because he needs his time to figure his stuff out and I need my time to find myself out.

 

This is more just me venting and rambling for myself, but thank you to anyone who is reading this and responding. Good luck to everyone and take care!

[JIzzyM]

Another update on my life...

 

I still haven't found a new job, but am still searching. I have 2 weeks to find a new one and it still sucks, because I loved my job a lot but I'm sure a new job means meeting new people right?

 

As far as the ex goes, we are still doing the friends thing. I told him that I am going to date and he got a little upset about it and has been nicer to me since then. I can tell he is still trying to figure out what he wants, but I can't wait forever and he knows that as well. He calls me every night to find out what we are doing and comes out, if he isn't out with us already. We go to parties, bars, and resturants and he always comes out, even it is just my roommate (girl), him and me. It's like a girlfest plus my ex. Haha no he's not gay, I already asked.

 

I don't know whats going on, but I'm still all about dating other people. Yes, I would still love to be with him but I can't wait around forever and since me just mentioning it to him made him act differently, who knows what actually dating someone else would make him do. Who knows? He spent the night the other day (nothing happened, just sleeping) and it was nice. I think he might be staying again tonight, so I don't know what that means either. I will not be kissing him or sleeping with him or anything of that sort (which he knows), so maybe he will realize what a lameass he is being and will shape up!

 

Oh these false hopes are killing me Now, I just have to find someone to date so we can see how he reacts and so I can meet some new people. It's all about me now right? So bring on the boys!