An uncomfortable issue and inquiry

[Seventh]

My S.O. has moved out and is looking for a **** buddy. Somebody to sleep with with no attachments.

 

She has been cruising myspace and other places (I imagine) online to flirt and look for sex.

 

What I wanted to know from you all is whether this is something which is common these days. Whether all the adult "find somebody for sex tonight" is something that people actually even do thses days.

 

I have explained in my first thread ever here in "breakup" forum that I believe that my wife's behavior is in part cause by a combination of being seriously sexually abused as a child for years (with no real closure except the uncle died recently and she is "putting it all behind her and not wanting to be perceived as a victim") and her antidpressants which have, from my perspective, caused her to not care about romance, family, or anything but searching for sexual gratification (which, in large part due to the antidepressants, again and intimacy issues related to her abuse she has not had, she says, in years).

 

She wants to try out this pursuit of a man or men for non-committed sex. Sex with somebody who wants no ties.

 

What I wanted to know from all ages, but especially those who are younger who know the mores and morals of folks in their twenties etc can address this. Is it common? Is this something that mnay females want?

 

One reason I ask is that she is living now with her sister who has had a string of unsuccessful and unsatisfying relationships and one night stands and is twenty-three. My wife acts like she wants to be twenty-three again (she just turned 40 and part of this is her midlife crisis, no doubt as she said as much )

[4thelast1]

No this is not normal under any circumstances. The problem with your spouse is that she thinks the grass is greener. We all know its not!! We associate mid life crisis with men, but im seeing alot more 40 something women out there trying to be young again. I am young 33 and married. But growing old is something I look forward too. No more kids, retirement etc. She is not embracing her age. By no means is 40 old, its young, but she is not feeling that way. You are correct, she is masking alot of pain. Dont sit by and let her walk on you. When I was single in my 20's sleeping around was not a good thing. Not because of the double standard but because of STD's. So no its not common and its not what females want.

[BornToResist]

As for me, no that is not something that I want.

 

But unfortunately I see it happening a whole lot. (I'm early 20's.) I'm not quite sure of the reasonings behind one would do that because I see it as pretty unfulfilling, but it happens quite often. It does not mean it is right in any case though, just my opinion.

 

My exbf did the same thing...he looked online for hookup buddies. It's heartbreaking and I'm sorry you're being put through this.

[Seventh]

But unfortunately I see it happening a whole lot. (I'm early 20's.) I'm not quite sure of the reasonings behind one would do that because I see it as pretty unfulfilling, but it happens quite often. It does not mean it is right in any case though, just my opinion.

 

Is there any real fulfillment in that?

 

I mean I wonder if thios is common for females as well as males these days. My daughter is 17 and in a committed relationship (I can see her marrying this young man, really - they are both seniors in high school, first time lovers and seemeingly totally devoted and they DO NOT TOLERATE infidelity). One of my daughter's friends though has been unhappily getting boinked by all kinds of losers (my wife, or ex, had to bring her to planned parenthood as her mother would not).

 

 

 

I had a "friend" a successful woman I had known in high school who found me and we developed such a relationship for a few months about 20 years ago. It was okay briefly for a little fun but I was not in love with her (at the time I was pining away for my first ex) and had to finally let her know that it just wasn't going to happen.

 

She was cool and mature about it and we had a final goodbye thing (she asked if we could - a sympathy boink kinda).

 

But I still feel guilty about it in some ways and feel it was so empty. In retrospect I probably should have just learned to love her but I wanted kids and a family and she just wasn't the one.

 

A Male friend still feels guilty about his "buddy" who loved him for six years and all he really wanted was a little companionship and sex. Not love or romance or commitment.

 

I think it seems so sad. So lacking in spirituality. so desperate even. Selfish in my circumstances (with two kids in the home).

 

But does anyone know if this is fulfilling for females? Can it be. Does anyone know any females satisified with this or is it really beyond the pale?

 

It seems to me symptomatic of much deeper rooted problems as I said.

 

But it makes me sad.

 

She refuses to consider me for the role and she is the only one I want.

[4thelast1]

The question is can anyone understand the female mind??? Im female and half the time I dont understand myself. This situation is very sad. I am sorry that you are going through this.

[BornToResist]

I had a couple hookups but never left a relationship for one. I don't go out looking for these, if that makes sense. They were just kinda in-between-relationship I need sex thing. I felt I was in control the whole time and the guys I was with wanted more out of the relationship, but I didn't. So I think it can work in both directions.

[PittItaliano]

Being in college I see that A LOT with my friends, but that is not something that I want at all in my life. Sex should come after a solid relationship is formed in my opinion and I don't see anything normal about having no strings attached sex.

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through with your wife, and I hope everything works out for the best in the end.

[jilligirl]

It's not normal for me- she might consider it normal, though.

 

If she wants to sleep around with men, and be at risk of contracting STDs, that's her business. But it shows a lack of self-respect if she's doing that. In my opinion, no, it's not normal.

[Deviant_Kate]

I'm twenty three, and the thought of giving some stranger access to my vagina makes me shudder. I have ONE friend who doesn't seem to have a problem with it, but my particular circle of friends is fairly discerning. Your wife's behavior is pretty out there in comparison to the women I know, but that's just one group of women.

[4InchFury]

Fairly normal. Women are told by the media today that their only purpose is to satisfy men sexually.

 

Sex, sex, sex. Who needs relationships anymore?

 

Do yourself a favor and divorce that witch you call your wife, before you start getting STDs or possibly go to the extreme of killing yourself.