Want out of 5 year relationship... how to tell him

[Bratz]

This is my first time posting on this... so hopeully I explain stuff ok!

 

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over 5 years now. We have been living together for 3 years. For the first year of our relationship it was alway me being the submissive one... I was always worried about him breaking up with me and we fought a lot. After we moved in together things seemed to change, we still fought a lot, but I started getting sick of it. So probably around year 3 I tried to break it off... (and it begins)

 

So the first time I tried to break it up, I moved into another bedroom to try and distance myself from him until I could move in with my sister. I would wake up in the middle of the night and hear him crying. He would beg me to stay and tell me that he would change, along with a few "this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me, and I don't know what I would do without you". Needless to say I stayed out of guilt basically, and the chance that he would change.

 

After that he did actually change, he never yelled at me, treated me with more respect ect... but I just never got back any feelings for him. I still tell him I love you, and act pleasant to him, but I just don't think I actually love him anymore. I tried to break it off again about a year ago, and it was pretty much a repeat of the first time. He just cried and made me feel really guilty, and even though I don't know if I love him, we have been seeing each other for 5 years and it hurts me to see him sad. Now I am to the point though were I just feel like I need freedom. I don't enjoy sex, or even sleeping in the same bed as him. I feel trapped.

 

So basically my question is, how can I break up with him without getting guilted into staying again? Am I doing the right thing by staying with him

 

Thanks for any advice given!

[laboheme]

This must be really hard on you...But there is no reason for you to stay in the realtionship. I think you did the right thing by giving it a chance and not jumping ship right away, but you can't keep this up. You deserve to be with somebody you love, and he deserves to be with somebody who loves him.

 

Yes, it's going to hurt a lot when you tell him that things are over. But it's going to be for the best, for both of you. If you try to help him realize that ultimately both of you are going to be hurt more by staying in a one-sided relationship, that could potentially ease some of your guilt. Keep telling him that...and keep telling yourself that. Yes, ultimately you're doing this for your own happiness, but in a way you're preventing him from more hurt and heartbreak. If you think about it that way, it might make you feel less selfish (which you shouldn't in the first place, but I realize that guilt is a powerful emotion).

 

Best wishes to you...

[Tigris]

Welcome to enotalone.

 

No matter how you tell him it's still going to hurt.

 

When I told my 1st husband I wanted a divorce he cried too. According to him there was nothing wrong with our marriage. Like you I was going to leave him a year earlier, but I couldn't because his father died and I felt obliged to stay with him whilst he was grieving.

 

You only get one chance in life stop wasting it by staying with him if you're not happy. If you continue to stay with him you'll end up being resentful. If he starts to cry tell him you're sorry, but nothing's going to change your mind. And don't let him use the suicide card to try and manipulate you into staying.

 

Good luck and take care.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

No matter what you say or how you say it, he is going to get hurt. Someone always gets hurt and IMO, both persons hurt but in different respects.

 

Never, never, never stay with a person out of fear, pity, guilt or obligation. You are really short-changing him and yourself. I was in the exact predicament as you last year and it was agonizing. I too, felt trapped. We shared a lease, shared insurance policies, among many other things and my biggest fear was cleaning up the mess afterwards and hurting him.

 

He will be fine, it will hurt for some time after but he will have no choice but to deal with it and move on. You derseve to be in love, to be happy and so does he. You are doing no favors for either one of you by stringing him along. When he cries, stay strong. My ex cried and so did I. He will cry for some time, and so will you. It will take time to adjust and move on.

 

I wish you the best and post here as often as you need. Take care.

[freedom]

If you decide to end the relationship, then dont stay in the same house. Move out. It is alot easy for both of you and the tempttion of the so called 'charity' you are giving him by staying wont be there.

There must be a reason you are staying other then him begging you to stay because i dont believe a person would stay in the same house as a person they dont like to be with unless they are getting something out of it