The Typical Problem

[asdf77]

Continued...

 

So...I'm not really sure what's up. I find out all this stuff, and then he basically ignores me and doesn't follow me. BUT, when I finally ended up clinging to him for 15 minutes like crazy and talking, he seemed really nice again when he dropped me off at class. I'm so confused.

 

All of the stuff he's done recently makes me think he's interested, and now the info I've gotten makes me even more confident. Here's what I'm thinking:

 

Today, I was so nervous, that when I didn't pay him much attention, he decided to get me back. When I finally showed after class that I really wanted to talk and be around him, everything was cool but he still seemed a little distant - different from before.

 

It seems like either:

A) He can see that I like him and he doesn't like me, so he's trying to shake me

B) He likes me but got tired of making the first step, so he switched the game around today and made me beg for time instead.

C) He likes me but is truly "not sure" and just feels strange now that things are starting to happen.

 

I can't think of any other reasons. Oh, and his myspace yesterday said on the header: "I can't do this on my own."

 

Today, after everything happened, he's changed it to:

"dont settle for the one you can live with, you must fight for the one you cant live without."

 

Who knows...but I am thinking of what I'll do Thursday.

 

At least now I know about his myspace and what he's like. I figure it's really not fair that I know so much about him...if he follows me Thursday when I go to get lunch, I will stop him and tell him that I like him. Hopefully he'll be understanding, regardless of his response. He seems like, after all this, he would be. If he doesn't follow, then I will leave him alone and make effort not to speak to him.

 

That would either force it out of him eventually, or, if he doesn't like me, everything would just go away naturally.

 

Does that sound like a good plan? What do you think about this whole thing? Does he sound interested or what? I'm really confused, but Thursday I plan on taking control and being strong...just let him know and say "whatever...thought you should know."

[Survictor]

Perhaps you could initiate a discussion about the type of films you like and suggest going to see one together? You could say this quite casually. If he likes you, he'll go although he may not like you in that way it will as least give you a little time with him and see how it goes from there.

[asdf77]

Yeah...I think I'm just getting to the point where I need to know. It's bothering me too much...starting to mess w/ my grades and such. I guess I should just plan how I'll tell him (if he follows). I was thinking:

 

Hey, can I talk to you for a minute in private?

Look, I hope I don't offend you or make you hate me or anything, and I hope you'll keep this between us, but I like you and think your're a great guy.

 

??????

[omgroman]

If he doesn't follow, then I will leave him alone and make effort not to speak to him.

 

I really don't like that part of the idea. Totally blocking out someone isn't a good idea or solution to anything like this, I mean, I've done that myself,with a guy I liked in one of my classes last year. The end result was both of us progressing to completely ignoring each other, and I regret it, because I don't speak to him anymore, at all..the sad thing is I actually told him I liked him, and he acted fine, then I blocked him out, because I wasn't getting what I wanted out of it.

 

I like the idea of telling him, if he does decide to follow you. If he doesn't though, i'd make an effort to still try to tell him Thursday. Of course doing it alone would be better, but walk and talk with him after class, and just lay it out, see what happens, take a chance. =]

 

He's very cute by the way. I checked out his page =], and as the total Myspace * * * * * that I am, when a guy leaves not sure,undecided or doesn't answer it completely as his sexuality, I would definitly keep a note on it. Im not saying abosolutely, but in most cases theres a reason why that isnt marked 'straight', from reasons like he simply doesn't want everyone knowing. I know I just left mine unanswered,for a reason though =].

[Imaginary]

I think you'd be making the wrong decision. You'd be deciding a lot (from telling him you like him to blocking him out) depending on whether he follows you or not... it does sound like there's a strain between you two, but I don't think it should be worked out like that... just a thought.

[asdf77]

Imaginary, do you have any suggestions?

 

I know it may be drastic, but I can't keep on wondering. I'm at the point where I either have to tell him or push this whole idea out of my mind. I'm starting to lean towards pushing him out of my mind, because I just get so restless and want to give up.

 

The more I think about this, the more it seems like I understand what's happening. He was/is interested in me, but it's gotten to the point where something's going to be said, and now he's not sure. I understand he's confused...but I can't be confused with him.

 

I think I'm going to tell him if he follows on Thursday...if he doesn't, I guess I won't avoid him, but I will go ahead and end these feelings. I will treat him just like any other random person.

[Imaginary]

Well, if you really feel that you MUST say something to him then you could tell him whether he follows you or not. Also, if he doesn't follow you on Thursday but he does follow some other day, what would you do? Tell him that day?

 

I guess that you might be frustrated, but hang in there a while...

[asdf77]

You're right. I shouldn't base so much off of something he may or may not do (which may or may not reflect his feelings). Still, it seems like after I walked around with him so much Tuesday, he would realize how I feel.

 

If he does follow, I'll most likely tell him. If he doesn't, oh well. I'll stay his friend. I'm going to take control of this situation again and not let the anticipation get the best of me. The only thing I'm afraid of is that doing nothing usually results in nothing If he nor I do nothing to find out, then we'll probably just both think the other isn't that interested.

 

So yeah...I'll see how his reception is on Thursday. I'll be normal nice. If he's nice in return then I'll probably end up telling him soon.

[Tigris]

Why don't you leave him a message on Myspace?

[asdf77]

HAHA NOOOOOOOO way

 

I would hate for him to find out that I am such a stalker that I went and found his myspace. That is seriously really hard to find someone like that...I still don't quite know how I did it, but by telling him it'll be clear that I've been obsessing quite a bit. I'll just keep the knowledge I have (that he's *not sure*) and be happy with that.

 

I'm seriously going to play it by ear tomorrow. I walked around with him enough that it seems like he could tell I was interested in him. If he is cool tomorrow and wants to talk more (whenever), then I'll probably let him know. If not, then I'll give it time...see if the moment ever feels right again, and if it doesn't, I'll let it die.

[Tigris]

Good luck asdf.

[asdf77]

Thursday Update:

 

I didn't tell him today. I actually would have, but we were never in private. I got into class and, again, he didn't show up until like 15 minutes late. Unfortunately for him (haha) the row of seats where he usually sits was taken as I decided to sit next to the girl behind me instead. So she's sitting to the left, I'm sitting to the right of her, and he has to sit directly in front of both of us.

 

As soon as he came into the classroom he looked at me and smiled really big...like a really friendly smile. He sat down in front and I took advantage of the situation. I knew that if he was interested in me (at least as friends), he'd hate to sit there while me and the girl next to me talked and laughed (feel left out). I'm horrible, I know. But it worked. He kept turning around and laughing and we talked more than any class before. He initially kept his chair turned around for about 5 minutes and we talked a lot. Even while the teacher was lecturing, he stayed turned around facing me and had his head down. He looked up at me a couple of times and I either smiled or looked past him, like I was paying attention to the teacher. Eventually, the teacher told him to turn around.

 

Still, he kept turning around and talking to me. He was REALLY friendly today. Even if we don't ever become more than friends, I felt really comfortable and finally considered him a real friend - someone I could easily get along with. So yeah, he turned around a lot of times during the day and talked to me. I got up to go get lunch...not sure if he didn't notice, but he didn't follow. Oh well.

 

At one point, he and I were laughing and he tried to rest his head on the books on my desk, but it wasn't comfortable so he gave up. He also raised his elbow back over his head a lot and sat sideways so that he could easily turn to look back at me. I didn't realize just how hot he was until today...he seemed like he was trying to be seductive or something.

 

So class ends and he gets up much quicker than usual. I got up as well and he picked something up that someone dropped (maybe trying to wait) but I had to fight through all the chairs in my row to get through, so he ended up leaving 10 seconds or so before me. I walked behind him down the stairways and he was talkin on his cell phone. When he got to the door, he held the door open for 3 other people and then I followed. I kinda slowed down but he didn't really catch up. He was walking alone still talkin on the phone and I glanced back. He saw me looking for him and I raised my eyebrows (like hey). I stopped completely and waited back for him.

 

We kept walking down the sidewalk. This is where things got a bit better. There's a fork there where I usually go one way (to class) and he goes the other (to the building looking for friends). At first I acted like I was going the way to class (wasn't really sure) and he started to go that way, but then I said "nah, I'll wait" and we both went his way to the other building. We talked on the way there some, but it was a bit quiet. When we went inside the building, I told him I was going to the cafeteria to get food and he followed me. We saw those two girls (from Tuesday) and talked to them for a minute. They have boyfriends and are not really too hot, so I didn't feel like I was competing. They asked where we were eating...I said I wasn't even sure if I was sittin down to eat, and we got our food and went upstairs to eat. He bought a banana and one of the girls made fun of him (saying he would have a banana - gay joke #1). We went upstairs and sat down and talked a bit...me and him didn't talk too much, it was more them talking. She made another gay joke and I said that wasn't cool, and that he was gonna smack her with that banana. So we all sat for a few and I told them all later. He didn't say anything as I left...

 

Overall, it was an ok day. I'm still pretty convinced that he may be interested but is too shy and gets tired of hearing people calling him gay (even if it's a joke). I'm glad I didn't get to tell him yet though...I have a little more to do before then.

 

But I do plan on telling him once we're in private next week.

 

What do you guys think about the story and my plan?

[asdf77]

BUMP....I'm really interested in feedback...

[asdf77]

Bump again...I'm sorry I keep bumping this, but I really want feedback!

[asdf77]

bump>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[Derailed]

Checked out his myspace pics.

 

See, these emo-type boys are hard to read. They dress and may act effeminate, but they are actually straight.

 

Erase all the emo-stigma, and here is MY OPINION:

 

He is definitely NOT completely straight.

[Derailed]

Um ok, i just missed the bit about his orientation. It says NOT SURE.

 

Lol ok, there you go.

[asdf77]

Haha yeah...I already crossed that bridge (pretty much) when I found his myspace. Now the question is whether he likes me or not and whether he's not too scared to do anything if he does.

 

Based on Thursday and how he acted, I think he's asking for it (even if he isn't!) I'm going to clear everything up pretty soon...next week most likely. I just want to tell him correctly. Truth is, I don't consider myself gay, straight, or bi until I've actually had sex/been in a serious relationship with a person. Till then, I really don't know. I definitley like him, but I don't know what things would/will be like if we get together. How's it done?

 

I'm going to try to make several points to him:

1) I'm a very unsure person (had only g/f's up till now) but I don't want to just push my feelings for him aside because of society's conventions.

2) I don't want anyone to know about me liking him or us if we ever did get together.

 

 

I know it sounds stupid, but I was thinking I'd make him pinky swear not to tell anyone what I told him right before I do it. I actually feel quite safe now...after knowing so much about him. If anything, he seems to act REALLY nice now when it's just us (as well as during class the other day) but he kinda distances himself around other people. I don't want him to think I'm going to be like "I'm with this guy!" if he says he's interested too.

 

What's the best way to convey those points?

[mdog]

im not trying to sound rude, but i think your rushin into things. I mean maybe you should be his friend/best friend first (unless you already are) and second have you chilled with him outside of school? If you have i must have miss that lol.

[Tigris]

Ask him out as a friend to the movies, pizza/MacDonalds or even both, and whilst you're there tell him you'd like to talk to him, but what you say must remain private. Then explain you don't know what your sexuality is yet, etc.

 

You should be able to decide whether to tell him or not by the way he acts towards you when you're at these places.

 

Good luck

[asdf77]

Yeah I probably should do that...I just don't want the relationship to get off on the wrong foot. I mean, with the first guy I ever liked we were friends for so long and so nothing ever happened. When I finally said something to him, he felt really betrayed b/c we had been such good friends and I'd never told him.

 

It seems like I should make myself clear early with this guy. The deal is...he's already got so many friends...it seems like, the way we've gotten to know each other better during school (in the small amount of time we actually see each other), he's interested...I think.

 

I just feel like asking him out as a friend to the movies or sayin "hey, ya wanna hang out" would further complicate things and make him think that I just want to be friends. The way he's acted towards me is different from any friend I've had before - it's much more forward and close, but then he gets distant occasionally too.

 

I just feel like, knowing that he is *not sure* and considering how he's treated me so far, it only seems right that I should come clean...maybe not even ask for an answer in return, but just let him know. At least then, he'll know what he's getting into if he wants to hang out. I want to make it clear to him that we can even just be friends, but I want him to at least know how I feel early on.

 

Does that sound wrong? I'm just afraid that if I wait too long, he (or I) will give up and figure the other is just looking for a friendship (which he's already got plenty of).

[asdf77]

bump...........

[Tigris]

Go with your instinct!

 

Good luck

[Derailed]

Btw, don't pinky swear. That's so fruitcake!

 

Goodluck!

[asdf77]

Haha derailed...you're right. It just seems like something he'd do too.

 

Ahhh so nervous. Can't wait till tomorrow.