Stay or Go?

[pcola25]

I'm lost. Thats just how I feel right now. I am only 6 months married and I feel so lost. I don't feel happy and when I really think about it I don't know if the basic of loving my husband is even there for me. He's a great guy but I don't feel like I love him. I don't feel satisfied in the relationship and I feel like I'm battling more with the idea of failing at it and the expectations of myself to make it work than with whether or not I should stay. I feel like a disappointment. Like I'm not supposed to feel this. So I push it down and try to push through but in about two weeks the feelings pop up again where I don't want him around, I feel bitter as if he's holding me back in my life. We don't have sex because its the last thing on earth I want to do with him. Everything else in my life is on track except for my marriage. I'm really scared to even admit these feelings. I just don't feel like I love him anymore. I need some insight please. Anything will help.

[DN]

Welcome to eNotAlone.

 

An obvious question - but were you sure that you loved him when you married him?

 

If the answer is yes then you should figure out why you loved him and what has changed since then.

[bremex]

Omg....that is happening to my sister....when the love is over,...is over.....why don't you go to couples threaphy???, they try it, and little by little they are on track

[Lady Bugg]

This is a tough situation. It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that you ARE in "love" with your husband..when you may in fact only like him platonically.

 

Couple questions" Is your husband good to you? Affectionate? Caring? Etc?

 

Did you marry because your husband feels "safe"? Or he offers security?

You cannot force yourself to be "in love" with someone...no matter HOW much you want to. It is there...or it isn't.

Perhaps you are just feeling stifled by the married life.

 

A few more details would help.....but that's the gist I am getting so far....

[brando]

I read that love is an action, and if one wants to feel loving feelings again toward theor partner then they need to start displaying and showing love towards them.

 

Marriage isn't an easy institution to maintain. It requires more than just love or feeling in love... even if you are feeling this way now may mean nothing at all. It is up to you to figure out what is going on inside of you, why you are feeling this way and what is triggering these feelingsd / thoughts.

 

Perhaps the focus you are placing on these thoughts is really helping you believe that you no longer love your husband. Becareful of what you think.

 

Perhaps counseling is an option. Does your husband know the way you are feeling??

 

Don't be afraid to admit these feelings to yourself, the more you try to resist them the further these feelings will persist.

 

Try to recall what attracted you to your husband, try to recall the days you felt so in love with him that you decided to spend a lifetime with him.

 

I hope things work out for you .

be well

brando

[SarahRose]

I agree with brando.

 

Go to some counseling.

 

It could be you are just realising the reality of marriage. It is easy to get caught up with planning a wedding and romantic thoughts of happily ever after and then the reality of day to day routine, paying bills, etc. comes along.

 

Do you two share common interests and values? Are you two good friends? Do you enjoy each other's company?