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I think it's important to start talking about sex before you actually have sex. It's important to tell the other person what you are and aren't comfortable with. And doing this before sex will just lower the confusion of what the other person is thinking.

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Yes, it is okay to have rules and guidelines. It's important if you want a healthy sex life. EVEN if it offends them - if you are telling them your genuine needs and desires, and they are not okay with that - best to find that out anyways. So long as you are not hurting anyone, nothing you establish is wrong or needs censoring with an intimate partner. It is not offensive to know what you want and to ask for it - it is an attractive quality.


Meow made a good point. Talking is important.


How do you have a voice and not be in their possession? From the onset, carry yourself with dignity and do not let 'little things' that bother you slide. Practice saying "No" with absolutely no guilt. Never have sex out of a sense of obligation, or to please if it is not what you want too, or out of fear.

Practice saying "I like this.." "I want you to.." "I do not like this..".


If you are ever in doubt or feel weird - don't do it. Stop. Listen to yourself, trust your instincts, and make your needs clear.

Wait to get to know a person before having sex.


And if your partner breaks the rules you have made clear - stop all sexual contact right away. It is a severe break in trust. It's not good for you to sleep with someone you do not trust.


I hope this helps some. (thinking now that I may post the list of Sexual Rights when I find it).



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