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What's your strongest crush? Vent-out.


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This has gone on too far. I keep hugging my pillows up, sniffing them, sheets, and cant get that girl off my mind. The problem is, if I know she's not likely interested in me, then what the heck am I doing this for?

 

Has anyone felt this infatuated for a girl before, or has had a crush this deep?

Write about it here. What did you do during your crush - did you have odd behaviours like this? How did you get her off your mind?

 

My mom doesn't want me to talk to her saying she'll make me a nut case, and now, with these 'feelings' could likely manipulate me or play with me further. She thinks my infatuation is devilish and is problematic, that thoughts are being pumped in my mind to distract and confuse me.

 

I'm always getting mixed vibes from her so she's in a psychological 'black box' she may be interested, she may not be interested, she may not be even sure herself and I'm not interested in finding out until later this month because I enjoy hugging my pillows up and sniffing them and wacking off now and then thinking about her.

 

I regret I have failed to follow the advice on this board in the past - which is simply to walk away and forget about this girl, that's what I should do, but yet, I find myself doing this anyway.

 

I was going to send her an email about how I'm feeling, but my mom called, and I didn't send it because mom would not like that - she doesn't like her and mom would not be pleased. So, I told mom what I was going to do, and assured her that I'm not doing anything. Mom is happy if I'm not talking with this girl, but I'd rather get a rejection from her then obey my mom not to talk to her, because a man faces his fears, not hides behind mommy.

 

That's why I'm asking her out again, and let the chips fall where they may.

Could my mom's attitude be reinforcing the crush where she is becoming some sort of symbol of independence within the totalitarian control of my mother, or is she yet another dictator, well who knows.

 

Great - I think she is out of my mind now, this has really helped. Thank you for listening.

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If I were you, I'd do my best to stop discussing your love life with your mom. Still so much work and learning for you to do without the added complication of what your mother's views are. Find out what this girl's true intentions are sooner than later. Taking too long and time becomes your enemy.

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How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

 

I seemed to have missed your other posts...this girl already told you she's not interested in you? Where does she stand?

 

She has not told me she's not interested in me - but she would maintain that the 'friendship' is becoming to difficult because I cant trust her, although she would be doing things that would undermine any trust I can develop.

 

The board's advice has concluded, from Day 1, (April this year) to walk away from this girl, that she's not interested in me. When I told her she was not interested in me, she got defensive and insisted she was - and I'm like, ok.

I dont want to get into that, but she's one of those opaque type of girls - and it seems you have to put up with allot of nonsense, and woe is you if you develop real feelings for her because you can be put in a tail spin.

 

Anyway, back on track, I have not looked at my inbox, and cant bring myself to doing it until the end of this month, where I intended to ask her out again, point blanc, and see if she wants to go out. These 'weird internet locks' have occurred in various times in the past, first time was two weeks around May, second was one week in July, the third one is the strongest and most powerful, seems to be on for a couple of months. I cant look at my personal inbox (although I'm working through work based emails), because I'm looking at this as a distraction from my career.

 

Phil Colins's song "she's an easy lover" comes to mind with this girl. I'll research the lyrics and write it on this thread. This song would best express my views about this particular girl and where she really stands - in a nutshell, you dont know, all you find is your emotions going all over the place and she can steal your heart right from under you if you are not careful.

 

I cant answer how old I am, because the age I may be portraying myself here, or infront of this girl, is incongruent with my actual age. Let's just say I'm a boy in a man's body.

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If I were you, I'd do my best to stop discussing your love life with your mom. Still so much work and learning for you to do without the added complication of what your mother's views are. Find out what this girl's true intentions are sooner than later. Taking too long and time becomes your enemy.

 

Hey, you know all these threads I wrote about this girl by now.

 

I made a point not to deal with her until the end of the month, because she read books about vampires, wore a black dress on one of the dates, and I think she's weird, and thereforeeee, didn't want to ask her out until a few days before halloween - that way, I can better handle a rejection, and see if a Frankenstein experiment of reviving this friendship could occur.

 

But the drawback of that is I've also locked out myself from my personal inbox in some self-induced hypnotic spell until around Oct 25th or after - (end of this month).

 

As of late, I've been feeling a strain from this whole thing, and my honest opinion is that I feel this friendship with her has been put with allot of strain. I'm having issues with her set-up, what books she has been reading (vampires, etc...), and her opaquensss (lack of transparency - she will not tell me what she is 'going through', but will say I have to trust her). Although I stumble upon lyrics about a guy doing her and dumping her like a hot potatoe. She apparently is having issues with me 'jumping to conclusions', accusations, and obviously 'not trusting her'.

 

The overall vibe I get, obviously is she's not interested in me, I'm friendzoned or something, and I've basically built up a whole fantasy world premised on a few coffee meetings where nothing really came out of them. Because of my lack of experience, or having any girlfriend in my life or relationship, I tend to get hung-up or obessessed with some people that I may take a fascination to, and that is it.

 

In other words, this is a full-blown category 9 'CRUSH' - I believe she is not interested in me 'but don't want to open the closet to find out if there is a monster inside' - she's not clearly saying 'bugger off and dont email me again' and that's making it worst.

 

I think I've blown my credibility with her as a guy to the point that there is no return. She's lost credibility with me with her lyrics of her being cheap with a guy then being dumped for it. I cant have respect for a woman that throws herself on a guy, then writes songs about how she's dumped afterwards for being too cheap saying men are liars. I've likely lost credibility with virtually acting like a child with the extent of emails I've sent her a couple of weeks ago - but haven't opened the inbox to check the reply.

I told her on email everything about myself that would cause her to run away from me (i.e. I have no income, i"m living with parents, mom doesn't like her) with hopes I would sabotague my chances with her, and thus have no feelings for her - and I'm feeling as though she may not even care what I'm writing, that she may really be an attention wh0re that doesn't care and just likes me giving her attention. I suppose I cant really figure her out.

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I'm sorry it's like this my man. Even if you don't wanna bury her completely, best thing you could do is to try and initiate with some other girls.

 

The thing is I have a crush on her. When I'm with other girls, I'm imagining her, she is on my mind.

 

I went out with a friend of the family and her mom, and my parents - bam, I'm thinking of * her *.

 

I went to visit another female friend, and bamm, I'm thinking about * her *, imagining if she was there instead of the friend from time to time.

 

It's a real nasty crush.

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Humm...this happened before with someone else. The only solution is to withdraw and wait until the feelings go away.

 

I cant guess what she's hiding, but it must be something like she is pregnant or something - the problem is, even something like that isn't enough to break a crush - so I wont even go there.

 

It makes sense if you look at it. She was a totally different person when I meet her afterwards, and seemed to want to stay alone or going through some depression, and is writing some sort of song lyrics about it (i.e. men being liars)

 

But the problem is, a pregnancy is not enough to break a strong crush - unless she into outright bad stuff and has turned rogue. The last thing I want is to be in love with a single mother who has a child and who is bitter about being 'used' by some other guy, I deserve better than this.

 

When people withhold information about what they are going through, the tendency is to 'hide it' - what could she be going through since August, unless she got pregnant from a guy that used her and dumped her - then that would explain something.

 

I want to make a deal with myself that I will look at some adult porn movies or something - in exchange of just not thinking about her - later on this month or next month. The influx of some toxic porn data will just get her out of my mind or something - I'll rent Indian porn or something if i'm so thing about Indian women. That's it.

 

Whatever is going on is not healthy and I should really move on, unless I intend to support a single mother with her child with a deadbeat dad somewhere in the equation that she has not gotten over.

 

I still want to ask her out at the end of the month just to be sure. Obviously, she wont want to see me if she's pregnant and come in with a fat belly unless she really wanted to play a practical joke and get rid of me. But, now I'm having second thoughts, think she's trouble, and should just walk on, even watching porn sounds like a better idea than worrying about this.

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My own NO-PORN/INCEL book is dealing with the crush. The book can deal with anything. It quantifies experiences - buts them into bits of digitalized data like a computer - nothing to it - computerises things - so I'm less emotional about it. Emotions, after all, are simply neurons firing in some part of the brain anyway - so we have a book that analyses it the same way.

 

It turns out a couple of days ago, I looked at porn. IN particular pictures of soft-core escort pictures and got off on some Indian looking hookers.

 

Thus, according to my own rules, I've banned myself from using the internet - going into my email address - and will not do anything until November 1st.

Meanwhile, I'm going to see other friends in the mean-time. Thus, I'm ordered by this 'system' not to think or worry about her to the point of writing about it on the internet.

 

By November 1st - it is a 'sexualized' porn month - which means depending on extent of negative experiences, I may allow myself to release an adult profile, view porn or go with a hooker (although this time, a hooker has been ruled out). But - I know there is enough garbage out there that could flood her out of my mind if I wanted to.

 

 

Now, I dont care. I believe she wants to be my friend - and dont want to think negative that she doesn't want to be my friend - so, I'm going to leave it at that and that's it. Anyway, moving on .... thanks for listening and understanding.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Crush is finally OVER -- as in DEAD as of November 4th, 2006.

 

May it Rest in peace.

 

How I killed the crush:

 

1) Bombardment on adult internet personals, getting one interested party yesterday, and am confident I'll meet other people and at least express myself.

 

2) DVD "American virgin" plot. The guy used a virgin girl, got her pregnant, and then dumped her. The guy that had a crush with her tried to help her out, even paying for the abortion and supporting her. While he did end up kissing her after saying he loved her, the romance was short lived. Eventually when he was buying a present for her birthday she was seen in the arms of the other guy that orginally dumped her. Thus, if I did love her and went through the whole drama in retrospect, then the other guy will come back in her life, she'll go back to him, and my heart will be really broken without having even slept with her. A kiss with her would have led to more emotional attachment and a more deeper heart-break at the end of the day.

 

3) Other Adult based DVD's stuff to provide limited 'sexual tension' release.

 

Movies are good theraputic devices - and what I have emotionally experienced is Hollywood fodder - everyone has experienced it - movies are made about it, no big deal.....

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  • 5 months later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Well - up to this current date, even with a relationship on threshold and me getting close and intimate (without sex) with a girl that I'm interested in and starting to connect with --- this here still raises it's head from time to time.

 

The latest loop of thought is the 'November' thing - the time where I went on adultfriendfinder to set up a casual hook-up on November 29th or something, to lose my virginity with a random stranger and was thwarted by my dad's efforts, while I emailed this girl during the time telling her of this potential conquest- or should I say Revolution.

 

It was the Revolution against the reguime of this home and took on a special political significance - losing my virginity would challenge the tyrannical rule of my strict mom and also fight the tyranny of infatuation with this girl here which treated me badly and shot me down at the end of the day all in one shot. It felt like some Revolution and it was like the army was taking over an oppressive government to start a new era.

 

So, now I'm thinking about this 'Revolution' all the time, where I showed this girl that I didn't need her sexually, where I showed my mom that I'm capable of potentially doing this and where I got to know some deep secrets of my dad's private sex life before he meet mom.

 

And since I expressed this whole thing in Email to her - especially the Scorpio-November concept (i.e. the symbol of the revolution is mired with ideas of sex-for-revenge right on the defination of the sign), this thing has kept on plaguing my mind, including this new relationship, ending in some sort of perpetual crush - but now it's not a crush on a girl, it's a crush or repeition of this story.

 

----------

 

Limerance on her is effected to:

a) her geographical location. (lowering)

b) blues music (Live to Tell from Madonna very strong on that one).

c) November-repeition as described above.

 

I'm hoping this 'November'-repeition goes away in due time, but it just felt like a Revolution or something or some powerful expression of a revolution and it keeps repeating itself like it's a subversive type of crush.

 

I really hope all traces of crush/limerance on this past girl goes away.

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  • 4 weeks later...

There appears to continue to be a residual limerance on this girl.

 

I wish to document it on this thread and update it further.

 

Our last email exchange was in September last year, and my last unreplied email to her was at the end of November last year. I should have forgotten about her a long time ago.

 

I know the area where she lives, and occasionally, in the course of my Real-Estate business or en-route to go downtown, I have to pass there. I'm always worried I'm going to see her on the street walking with another ugy. I find myself looking at some pedestrians who are walking who have a similar hairstyle or 'outline' that she has, and I want to get a closer look to see if it's actually her.

 

As of late it is going down a bit - but the geography of where she lives is getting to me a bit whenever I pass. This occurred earlier this week and every time I passed by her location.

 

 

*************

*************

 

Other following evidence of residual limerance as follows:

 

- Purchase of a 'Michelle Tumes' CD - and writing an email to her about it and saving it on my draft messages.

- Wanting to send her some music clips on youtube of artists who wrote various blues songs that reminded me of her when she wrote those lyrics.

- Feeling some sense of love towards her or connection, but cant do anything about it since I think I'm crazy and I'm unable to express it other in terms acknowledging I'm mad for still having any feelings for her and possibly need help.

 

****************

 

I'm very confused about why these feelings continue to persist - and I'm doing my utmost to remain guarded and just hope one day these feelings will just die down.

 

Based on the limerance concept - the only way to nuke a limerance hold is to find someone else that I get a crush on -- it appears there is some energies or desire to still want to try to connect with her but at this point I know that it should not exist.

 

I've already decided that our interactions was an absolute failure and acknowledged defeat and think there is no tangible hope.

 

I'm still waiting for these feelings to die - I wish I knew how to kill them faster. I tried adultfriendfinder - casual hook-up (aborted at the last minute due to religious beliefs)- didn't work. I'm seeing a girl for crying out loud - still there. Why is this happening to me?

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She is The One That Got Away. It's a phenomenon that many of us just have to live with.

 

For heaven's sake, don't contact her any more. What you frame as innocent limerance could strike her as frightening stalkerness. Can't win 'em all, bro. Walkies time is overdue.

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My mom would say that the devil is playing with my mind on these type of feelings and thus they would not be innoscent. I fear these feelings as being diabolical plants designed to wear me down emotionally and have me on some sort fantasy world. I'm going to go on and just hope these feelings go away.

 

Seven months has passed by so far - it gets worst when I think about it. It says a limerance could last for 3 years on average, or a possible life-time. I hope this one goes away because I dont like it and it's an involuntary feeling at this time.

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Have you tried getting some help? I don't mean to be rude, but this doesn't sound healthy at all.

 

And instead of blaming the devil, how about taking some responsibility for your thoughts? I know I've had many crushes, when I was in high school I had a couple that lasted for years. But I've managed to live peacefully with them despite it.

 

I think by blaming the devil and creating all this torment inside of yourself, you're just making this crush more...romanticized. It's grand and dramatic and it has no reason to be that way.

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I don't know from devils, but I more or less agree that limerance is an involuntary reaction to lost love. I didn't see mine coming, and I would have gladly traded thar painful year for the ability to forget her completely. Like anything else, though, it faded with time and doesn't affect me now. When I hear her name I just chuckle at how worked up I used to get over it.

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Have you tried getting some help? I don't mean to be rude, but this doesn't sound healthy at all.

 

And instead of blaming the devil, how about taking some responsibility for your thoughts? I know I've had many crushes, when I was in high school I had a couple that lasted for years. But I've managed to live peacefully with them despite it.

 

I think by blaming the devil and creating all this torment inside of yourself, you're just making this crush more...romanticized. It's grand and dramatic and it has no reason to be that way.

 

Well, I honestly do not think that anyone can help me, unless there is a real love connection experienced with someone else, or I get a crush on someone else. It's something that I have to live with, and I suppose I can only document it at this time being as to what is going on.

 

So far, this is all 'thought-world' stuff and I haven't contacted her, and I'm certainly not stalking her - I'm just worried about seeing her while I'm driving.

 

When I was driving, incidentally, I listened to this song on the radio by police, which went like this 'every move you make I'll be watching you' or something like that. Well, interesting song to listen to with this frame of mind.

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I don't know from devils, but I more or less agree that limerance is an involuntary reaction to lost love. I didn't see mine coming, and I would have gladly traded thar painful year for the ability to forget her completely. Like anything else, though, it faded with time and doesn't affect me now. When I hear her name I just chuckle at how worked up I used to get over it.

 

That's interesting. How long did it take to fade away with you?

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