Lay it on me...

[Captain34]

My ex ended things end of June. I tried briefly, decided to date to move on, which my ex responded poorly to. She was very public about being hurt, which then pulled me back into the situation. I then went unannounced NC(total of 1.5 months). After a month of getting away from it all, including not logging onto the facebook, her friends started with the 20 questions when I saw them. Then my ex started showing up at places where I might have been. Then she really tried to make it work so we would see each other. We had a nice chat at a bar last weekend - she was wearing a dress she had bought to wear to an event with me last spring. The chemistry was there but I didnt let the conversation go on too long. I saw her again last night, but admittedly went to where I knew she was at(her friend gave my friend a call).

 

I am very frustrated right now. I'd like to see if things can work out in the long run, and because of that I feel that going home together from the bar is probably a bad idea. Plus, since she ended things I want to see some effort from her part. She has made the effort to be available to me, but I don't find that to be enough.

 

I am trying to be patient, but these encounters where there is incredible sexual tension and very little action from either side is frustrating. It is time for the situation to move in SOME direction and I feel like I need to get it moving.

 

Like I said I need to see more from her. BUT, she has been trying to make it pretty clear that she's open to things. I've got the ball now, I want to toss it back her way. Basically I've been pining on what the best way is to let her know I would accept some additional move on her part....but I don't want to be chasing after her.

 

I'm thinking I should just give her a call and see what happens...but then again doing exactly the opposite of what I was urged to do is what improved the situation. Fire away enotaloners, I need some feedback!

[annie24]

why did your ex break up with you in the first place?

[Captain34]

I graduated from school and it was very unclear whetehr I would be living in the area. There were of course some other things going on but this was by far the greatest reason.

 

Right now she is really, really trying to get something going - either to get at me or to see where I'm at in terms of her. Basically she seems to be doing everything she can without having to come straight out and contact me to talk about things. I don't want to dwell on the past but at some point there has to be a chat about this.

[annie24]

I graduated from school and it was very unclear whetehr I would be living in the area. There were of course some other things going on but this was by far the greatest reason.

 

that doesn't sound like a very good reason to break up! If you didn't have a new job, or hadn't solidified plans, why would she break up with you before that?

 

I have a feeling that something else was going on. Perhaps she met a new guy, wanted to see where things would go with him, then when it didn't go anywhere, she decided to see what you were up to.

[ConfusedasEVER]

"her friends started with the 20 questions when I saw them."

 

I can tell you, that if her friends are beginning the 20 questions, then she definitely is conveying the fact to her friends that she is still interested.

 

I'd like to see if things can work out in the long run

 

Then darn it, what are you waiting for?

I've got the ball now, I want to toss it back her way.

 

Okay, instead of throwing balls at each-other, why not just . . . drop a bomb. A gentle, yet effective bomb, however. No 'Hiroshima's' here. Not trying to scare her away, . . . you obviously know this woman very well, and can see where she's going. So help her along.

[Captain34]

after weeks of really forcing myself away from the situation, now I find that I need to jumpstart myself to get back into it. I guess I've been inactive with this because I don't want to put myself out there fully quite yet. Seeing her out in public in bars is nice and all, but I feel its time for some one on one. I'm just not sure if calling her up is the best action at this point. I mean, why go through all the trouble she seems to be going through when she could just give me a call??

 

I really hate to be indecisive with this but I am utterly confused. What kind of bomb do you mean exactly?

[ConfusedasEVER]

I'm just not sure if calling her up is the best action at this point. I mean, why go through all the trouble she seems to be going through when she could just give me a call??

 

I really hate to be indecisive with this but I am utterly confused. What kind of bomb do you mean exactly?

 

What I meant, was - you need to approach her in whatever way you feel will be most effective. *You*, only know her this well. I've found that a simple phone call to check her pulse and let her know you still exist is actually quite effective.

 

It seems to me, and I might be wrong, that she is probably trying to figure out where exactly YOU'RE going with this. So, if both parties are sitting around trying to figure out where the other party is going, then ... all we are going to see is two people trying to figure each other out and getting absolutely.........

 

To avoid rejection, don't expect *anything*, which I know, is very hard ](*,) but actually, .... if you think about it. .. you've kind of already lost her? Correct? So .... what do you have to lose? Besides 5 minutes of your time to remind her that you are still interested - without saying it.

[Captain34]

That makes a lot of sense. Thing is if I do something along those lines I don't want it to appear like I've been trying to play any games. I've just been cautious with the whole situation.

 

I'm sure she is trying to figure out what is going on with me, but that doesn't mean a whole lot does it? She could just want the reassurance that I haven't completely moved on.

 

But this has now been a fairly consistent effort on her part, so I think there is something more there. I love the girl, but she broke things off...I'd like to work things out, but I'm not going to go running back to her. If I did that I wouldn't have any self respect. I absolutely would not want to spend my time with her reliving the past, but at some point some major issues are going to have to be addressed. She should be the one to delve into that territory first.

 

Recently I've been friendly and cordial and have had good conversations with her. I haven't made much effort at all though to initiate these when I have seen her out...which has always been in bars latenight. I guess what I am worried about is appearing to be too reserved because I'm being cautious.