Can you be friends with an ex????

[krnswte143]

Hello All, My name is Janella and this is my first post here. I'm not sure if I am at the right post area. Here's my story. My boyfriend and I been toghther for an year now. We are happy with each other. He is charming, nice and treats me good. I have one problem. His exgirlfriend

 

She hasnt tried anything bad like trying to get back with my boyfriend or not. Or try to break us up. Shes pretty much in her life with her own boyfriend.

 

I have a question. U guys think its okay for to be friends with an ex? even though they went out long time ago?? can they really be over each other? im very curious. i am not friends with any of my exes. i talk to my exes sometimes online but never hang out. my bf doesnt really hang out w/ her but sometimes through their mutual friends. I know they email and talk on the phone sometimes. Also, i would like to add. My bf has pictures of them two still. Is it really necessary for him to have those and why?

 

 

 

Sometimes I think her or she isnt over with each other

 

 

Can they be just friends and nothing more?

 

 

Curious,

 

Janella

[rose2summer]

Yes, people can develop platonic relationships with their exes.

 

I have actually developed this with my exes and am happy with it.

 

My philosophy is that if you spent so much time in a relationship with someone that once it ends you can let things cool down first then develop a friendship.

 

If you are, however, uncomfortable with him being friends with them, it's best to talk to him about it than let it fester and hurt your relationship.

 

It doesn't seem though that he has done anything out of a friendship perspective with her, or has he?

 

Hugs, Rose

[chai714]

Janella,

 

They can be friends and only friends, yes. I can understand your concern though and it's a very common one. Depending upon how long ago their breakup occurred ought to determine whether or not they can be "just friends." The longer ago it occurred, the better. If it was last week, then be concerned. You say it's been over a year? He's probably over her, but time will tell. As for the photos he keeps - let him, so long as he's not displaying them or flaunting them at you. I have tons of old photos of my ex girlfriends, stored in a box under my bed. That's where they stay as these women were once a big part of my life. The best thing you can do is to be secure and trust him until he gives you a reason not to.

[BetterKarma]

I am friends with my ex. We dated for over 3 years and broke up about 6 years ago. We hang out and go to lunch with or without mutual friends. We're very supportive of each other and care about each other a great deal. I know for a fact that we have no romantic feelings for each other.

 

He is recently engaged (that bastard beat me to it ) and I couldn't be happier. We talk about each other's relationships and give each other advice.

 

I also have pictures of us but they're not framed or out in the open. It's just a keep sake memory since we are friends and there are no hard feelings between us two.

 

I make sure to let my bf know about my ex and the degree of our friendship. It's my responsiblity to make sure that my current bf is comfortable with the friendship. Why don't you talk to your bf about it?

 

How long ago did they date? Does he hide communications from you? Does he have framed pictures of both of them in his house?

[silky88]

it certainly is POSSIBLE to be friends with an ex... i am friends with one of my exes that i dated when i was 18, and my boyfriend is BEST friends with his ex -- they are in a band together and hang out a lot and it's totally platonic.

 

so it is possible, but whether that's what's going on in your situation, i couldn't say.

 

but what i can say is that you should trust your gut feeling. if you are not comfortable you either may be right to worry, or you may just be insecure (i've been there). either way, you need to evaluate the reason that you feel uneasy.

 

for me, i know for a fact that there is nothing for me to worry about, and i wouldn't even have a problem with my boyfriend sleeping in the same bed with his best friend, even though they used to date, because i know he would never cheat on me and he thinks of her like a sister.

[krnswte143]

Janella,

 

They can be friends and only friends, yes. I can understand your concern though and it's a very common one. Depending upon how long ago their breakup occurred ought to determine whether or not they can be "just friends." The longer ago it occurred, the better. If it was last week, then be concerned. You say it's been over a year? He's probably over her, but time will tell. As for the photos he keeps - let him, so long as he's not displaying them or flaunting them at you. I have tons of old photos of my ex girlfriends, stored in a box under my bed. That's where they stay as these women were once a big part of my life. The best thing you can do is to be secure and trust him until he gives you a reason not to.

 

 

Well, my boyfriend said they broke up maybe like 5 or more years ago? I'm not too certain on the years but that is what he said. I do trust him but Sometimes i get those werid feelings.

 

About the pictures? yes, i guess i wont worry about them Once i found them on his room . and He has pictures on his computer too. So i thought he wasnt over her but he says he is. Do i take his word ?

 

Janella

[Dako]

My first post here was about that same subject. My wife had left and I was concerned other women would see my ex as a threat if we stayed friends.

You can be friends with your ex, but a new gf might not feel secure about it. In that case, do you dump an old friend to make the gf happy, or find a gf with more understanding? Tough call.

[chai714]

Yes, take his word. You don't have reason not to trust him besides the discomfort you experience when he talks to her. Pay attention next time to the context of their conversation to see what he's talking about. Otherwise, be secure with yourself and with your relationship. He's with you, not her.

[BetterKarma]

Well, my boyfriend said they broke up maybe like 5 or more years ago? I'm not too certain on the years but that is what he said. I do trust him but Sometimes i get those werid feelings.

 

About the pictures? yes, i guess i wont worry about them Once i found them on his room . and He has pictures on his computer too. So i thought he wasnt over her but he says he is. Do i take his word ?

 

Janella

 

They broke up a long time ago. If they wanted to date each other again, they would have done it before he started to date you.

 

As for whether or not you should take his word, I don't think you have any other choice if you don't have any proof otherwise. You say you trust him but your questions say otherwise. Why and when do you get those weird feelings? Can you pin point a time or action that makes you feel that way?

[krnswte143]

Its nice to hear from other perspective about being friends with an Ex. thanks

 

They dated long time ago. Im guessing 5 or 10 years ago?

No, he doesnt have pictures out on the open. but once i found on his shelves or on his computer.

[CamGuy]

Ok, Im gonna take a different angle on this that perhaps many of you poor fools may disagree with. But here it goes. As far as being good aquaintences with your ex (if you are a guy), probably possible. But how good of friends are you talking about. Any right minded, confident man knows......you cannot be GOOD friends with an attractive woman, let alone a woman you use to sleep with.

 

Sure you can say hello every now and then. But, as far as going out with your ex, ALONE, and spending time with them, it's highly unlikely, and many people fool themselves into thinking its harmless and it wont lead to anything. MAYBE if both of you have moved on, and have new partners, perhaps you can be friends...but again, it all depends on JUST HOW GOOD OF FRIENDS ARE WE TALKING HERE?

 

Do u just say hi to this person every now and then, and perhaps see them with a group of people? Or do you spend alot of "one-on-one" time with your ex, regardless if you both have moved on or not. Nevertheless, you shouldnt spend ANY time with your ex until you have 100% moved on.

[krnswte143]

theyre just friends ( my bf and his ex girlfriend). we all hang out sometimes but i dont really like it cus when we do...its always her and my bf talking. my bf seem more interested in talking with her more than me. i feel like a statue. so, i try not to hang out w/ them anymore.

 

theres many things i think its wrong. i might be over-exeggerating but the things ive seen so far...from past til now.... i seriously dont know whats real and whats not.

 

Janella

[Momene]

I'm with CamGuy on this one. I'm not friends with any of my exes.

[CamGuy]

theyre just friends ( my bf and his ex girlfriend). we all hang out sometimes but i dont really like it cus when we do...its always her and my bf talking. my bf seem more interested in talking with her more than me. i feel like a statue. so, i try not to hang out w/ them anymore.

 

theres many things i think its wrong. i might be over-exeggerating but the things ive seen so far...from past til now.... i seriously dont know whats real and whats not.

 

Janella

 

Yea, I wouldnt stand for that crap. I only saw my girlfriends ex because we had many mutual friends. So we were all out in a group. And my girlfriend was smart enough to know it was completely inappropriate to sit there and talk to her ex, one on one, infront of me. A nice hello, how you doing, is one thing. But I serious conversation, going off alone together is completely different.

[krnswte143]

Yea, I wouldnt stand for that crap. I only saw my girlfriends ex because we had many mutual friends. So we were all out in a group. And my girlfriend was smart enough to know it was completely inappropriate to sit there and talk to her ex, one on one, infront of me. A nice hello, how you doing, is one thing. But I serious conversation, going off alone together is completely different.

 

yes seriously i just hate the feeling i get afterwards we hang out. so now i dont go hang out w/ them anymore. its only me and my bf that hangs out. i decided to step backward from this relationship. cus right now i feel i should end this relationship even though we very much love each other. i dont think i could handle it anymore.

 

Janella

[CamGuy]

yes seriously i just hate the feeling i get afterwards we hang out. so now i dont go hang out w/ them anymore. its only me and my bf that hangs out. i decided to step backward from this relationship. cus right now i feel i should end this relationship even though we very much love each other. i dont think i could handle it anymore.

 

Janella

 

Probably a good move. Besides, men cannot be "just friends" with attractive women. (unless they are gay). Chances are, this will just lead to more inappropriate behavior.

[krnswte143]

Probably a good move. Besides, men cannot be "just friends" with attractive women. (unless they are gay). Chances are, this will just lead to more inappropriate behavior.

 

well he had all this time to get with her but he didnt and hes with me.. i mean does that show something? he tells me he loves me and that their just friends nothing more and if he wanted to be w/ her he would done or do so.

[Momene]

Probably a good move. Besides, men cannot be "just friends" with attractive women. (unless they are gay). Chances are, this will just lead to more inappropriate behavior.

 

I'm "just friends" with attractive women but, as one recently said, there are boundaries that must be observed.

 

 

I think it would be difficult to be just friends if I wasn't married or otherwise attached.