*sigh* too big a heart

[tobigahart]

Hello all.

 

I usually prefer to help people with their problems rather than express my own but often the best way to deal with something is to talk about it. I am more or less writing this to get it off my chest, and maybe you guys can shed some light on this situation.

 

Anyway, broke up with gf of 3 years last September. Met new girl a week later! (bad bad bad don't do this) and I really liked her, I mean REALLY more than anything in the world perfect girl kinda thing. The problem was, due to having just left a 3 year relationship naturally I was not actually 100% emotionaly stable.

 

I immediately attached myself to this wonderful girl, calling her almost every night and meeting up with her as often as I could, not caring 1 bit that she was a 45 minute drive away. All I could do was tell her how much I liked her and how wonderful she was but I was so oblivious to the damage I was actually doing.

 

I was clinging to her, so scared of being alone and so blown away by meeting someone so perfect so soon. Anyway, I scared her off... A few weeks later she told me she didn't want to see me anymore and would rather just be friends. I took it suprisingly well and although she stole my heart, it didn't take me long to find it again.

 

Months have passed since then and I think of her occasionaly. I realised long ago that us not working out was my own fault forcing my demands on her, wanting to be with her too often, needing to be with her. But she still has a part of me.

 

I ran into her last night while out clubbing. My heart screamed in fear and anguish as I thought to myself "oh crap... this is gonna hurt". Every feeling came flying back at me and instantly she had my life in her hands once again.

 

Now I know she liked me cause she was the one who initially showed interest so many months ago, but I really think I screwed it up and I am not going to get another chance. I didn't let this on though and maintaned innocent conversation for 20 minutes before getting the hell out of there. It's this point where the depressing feelings come crashing in.

 

I sit at home alone now, wishing for more than anything just to have another chance with her. Why couldn't we have met at another time where she would have got the chance to meet the real me and not the emotionaly crippled me who just came out of a 3 year relationship (and a wonderful one at that).

 

So now i guess I'll just wait for the feeling to go back to their hiding place. She said she'd like to catch up some time so maybe I should take the initiative and give this a shot, hoping she'll see me for who I really am. Oh well, I hope you guys can understand what I'm feeling right now and maybe you'll know what to say to make me feel a little better.

 

Thanks guys, you're all fantastic.

[spygirl1992]

Have you told her what you told us? Before I go on, I want to know if she has seen anything close to what you just wrote.

[Gilgamesh]

i am glad you posted this experience, its important to learn from others, when we are fresh out of a hurtful breakup, we have this great need to fill that hole in our hearts, and if we do find someone in that healing period, it feels great, for awhile, we all believe we are ready, and think we are capable of loving as before.

 

It doesnt work that way, we are not stable, we are not ready to handle another relationship so quick, we short change ourselfs and the one thats with us.

 

I have made this mistake, you did, and many more.

 

A broken heart is like a broken bone, yes you want to be able to use that arm or leg, but until it mends fully, your going to be clumsy and may even hurt yourself even more if you try to use them, at the least youll prolong the period needed to heal them.

 

the heart is the same when it is broken, its injuries may not be seen, but they are felt, and if you try to use it too soon, you will be clumsy and just prolong the healing process.

 

Thats why in general I almost always recommend a period alone after a breakup, EVEN if the one that broke up with you says they are sorry and want to get back together, its the same, you still need to heal!

 

In the cases with the Exs, having little contact to zero contact is the best way!! to speed that process up, because every contact opens that wound again. so for this reason and so many others, you gotta get fixed up first if you wanna love again to your full capacity.

 

So for all those folks like Tobigahart and me, the bigger your hearts are the harder they fall, and the more intensive care required!

[tobigahart]

spygirl1992 no she's knows nothing of the sort. I figured that would only scare her off if I told her that.

 

Gilgamesh, yeah I agree. I knew I made the mistake, but this girls special and maybe a friendship will sort things out for me either by me getting what I want or me realising maybe she's not the one for me anyway.

[Gilgamesh]

I was just supporting your point, at the beggining of your post.

 

but now that time has gone by, if you feel your ready, i believe you should give this girl a shot, you are who you really are now, and hopefully she'll give it another chance.

 

most definatly give it a go if she shows interest and your ready, take it slow so you dont scare her away, and let her get to know the "new" real, healed heart you.

 

good luck