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ADIVCE NEEDED!!!Confused, but getting better.


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Well recently I posted something about me not knowing if I was bi/gay/straight or whatever. Now it seems like it's become more likely that I'm bi. There's 2 thing I would like anyone's opinion on. First off is I would like someone's opinion on what they think I am, I know you shouldn't label yourself and all, but I'm kind of curious. So here's my story. Well I'm a 16 year old girl from Southern California. I'm in 10th grade. So I have never had a boyfriend. And I really have no interest in having one either. But a girlfriend...that's another story. Well I mean I suppose I would kind of like to have a boyfriend, but I don't really have any interest in guys my age, and I don't get the same feeling when I see a good looking guy, as I do when I see a good looking girl. Someone on a forum, maybe this one, I don't remember, said, "Imagine they are in a wheelchair and you could never have sex with them, who would you be with?" When I think of that, I really feel as if I would much rather be with a woman than a man. And recently I have been finding girls attractive. There are very seldom guys I find attractive. And I really (due to past experiences) do not feel comfortable around men, but I do around women. I try to imagine myself with a man, and I don't really think anything of it, but when I imagine myself with a woman, it seems so exciting, like I would so much rather be with them than guys.

OK, so there are these 2 girls I think I have a crush on at school. The first one is a senior, she is a work of art, tall and looks just like Uma Thurman, everything in proportions, she's perfect. And every time I think of her I get shivers or a stomach ache, like I'm nervous. We know each other, but not all that well. I walk slowly to class sometimes just to see her walk by. But today I saw her with...her boyfriend! I know, I shouldn't expect her to be what I want. Anyhow the other girl is in my grade. She plays tennis (major plus!) and she's in my Literature class. We know each other too, but not so well either. But in class our eyes will lock for a bit, and may times this happen in the class period. The other ay I went to a tennis clinic, and I had an odd feeling she'd be there...and she was! She played on the court next to me. I didn't get to talk to her that day because her team had to leave before me. But the next day she told her friend (who is my friend also) that she saw me there and how good I was. And she is in GSA, as am I. So that's good too I suppose. But the thing is that both of these girls have done the impossible, I actually look forward to going to school now. And anyone who knows me will tell you that's a damn miracle. The other day I woke up early because my stomach was so nervous and I wanted to go to school so bad to see them, particularly the one who plays tennis. OK so that's the story pretty much. Now there is something I don't know..

I have never had a really good female friend, never. And I long for one like you couldn't believe. Something in me thinks that I just want to be close friends with them, the kind of friend you can tell anything to, something I've never had. As you can tell from my vagueness I don't really know what this all means. Can anyone help me? ANY advice is more than welcome. And ask any questions you want, I'm totally open to anything.

Thank you so much!!!

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hey in a lot of ways your story sounds similar to mine. I was like you, I'd never had a close female friend either and I don't have a boyfriend and don't really have much interest in boys either. The thought of being with other girls though, is kinda exciting. I don't want to label myself but it's likely im at least bi.

 

I met a girl at the beginning of this year and I've become close friends with her. She's getting to be the kind of friend i've always wanted, the downside is that I'm pretty sure im in love with her and that makes it much more difficult for me to just enjoy having such a great friend.

 

I think it sounds like you might be bi, you seem to feel very similarly to be about boys and stuff and I'm very very slowly coming round to the idea that I'm probably not straight. So if you feel the same as me, you're probably not straight either!

 

I went through a very confused phase where i wasn't sure if I just really wanted a close friend or whether I actually fancied her. But as time goes on I think im 99% sure I do fancy her. I went through the whole looking forward to going to college thing just cos i'd see her and i went to places knowing that i might bump into her there. I went out of my way to see her. I thought that if I could just become a part of her life, I would be fine and I'd stop feeling nervous about seeing her and stuff and everything would be ok. But it's not. I'm deffo a part of her life now but it's really hard having such strong feelings for a close friend.

 

 

So, to me it sounds like you might be interested in her more than as just a close friend. But I guess you'll never know unless you get to know her better.

 

For all that it is really hard some days and how much it can hurt and how jealous I can get of her other friends, I can honestly say that HAVING SUCH A GREAT FRIEND HAS TURNED MY LIFE AROUND COMPLETELY AND IM SO GLAD THAT IM HER FRIEND.

 

I'm just saying to you, go for it, try and get closer to her as friend.

 

The worst thing that can happen is that you become good friends with her and find out you do actually have stronger feelings. that's what happened to me but i wouldn't change it for the world. her friendship means too much to me. She might even feel the same way about you. Or you just like as a friend, in which case you'll just get a great friend. It's a win win situation.

Go for it!

 

I'm sorry if i havent answered your question lol im just happy to find someone who seems to be going through a VERY similar thing to what i went through. Feel free to ask me anything. Or pm any time. HOpe i didn't just confuse you!!

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Thanks so much! You didnt confuse me more, dont worry. It actually put a smile on my face. Im thankful for your advice, and I will try to get to know her better. Im glad too that Im not the only one going through the same thing, with me I find it hard to relate to people my age. I probably will send you a PM. Thanks again!

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Now there is something I don't know..

I have never had a really good female friend, never. And I long for one like you couldn't believe. Something in me thinks that I just want to be close friends with them, the kind of friend you can tell anything to, something I've never had. As you can tell from my vagueness I don't really know what this all means. Can anyone help me? ANY advice is more than welcome. And ask any questions you want, I'm totally open to anything.

Thank you so much!!!

 

Well maybe it's a void you're longing to fullfill. I'm in a similar situation as you are .. but I'm 30 and a mother of a 6 year old. I ask myself, am I REALLY bi or do I just wish I looked like them (whomever I'm attracted to). It's hard to say and I think the only way you'll ever know is if you walk the mile. As for your tennis friend, get to know her and strike up a conversation about gays/lesbians somehow .. when you're both comfortable with each other. See what she says. She just may want to be your friend.

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I definitely went through that same situation, too. I was always attracted to both sexes, but the way I was raised, I always thought I was straiht. But I eventually figured out that I am attracted to girls just the same. I always wondered if it was just because I wanted a really good female friend, as well, but last year I had this one friend (female) who I was really tight with. But I wasn't ever attracted to her. This year completely changed because I moved to a different city, and I'm going to a different school. And there was this one girl I was actually attracted to, and I knew it wasn't because I just wanted her to be a really really close friend. Well it turns out she's lesbian, and she liked me too, so now we're currently going out, and it just feels nice.

 

I think the best thing you can do is to get closer to them. See if you just care for them as a friend, or as something more. From what I'm hearing, though, you may probably like these girls as more than friends.

 

Good luck with everything, PM me if you need to talk!

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