Dating again post-breakup?

[blemished]

Hi folks. It's been 6 months since the end of a long-term relationship. Before you jump to conclusions -- although I was pretty betrayed, hurt (enter negative emotion here) about it, mostly I was crushed that: 1) the commitment and energy I put in, failed and 2) 2a. the person I enjoyed most being with left my life and 2b. I must find someone "better" meaning I enjoy being with a new person as much or more than my ex.

 

That is the challenge of dating. Now, I WANT to date and I want some type of relationship, and eventually I would like to have a life partner. However, here are the problems I am running into during my quest for dates: (I am looking for advice or input or similar experiences from my fellow ENA-ers)

 

1. I feel reluctant to get close to anyone and I do not want to be a part of their life.

 

2. I like chatting to potential dates via email (I am doing the online dating thing), but when it comes to speaking on the phone or in person, I lose interest rapidly due to lack of attraction or interest in them.

 

3. I keep searching for my "ideal" date but I cannot find him. Maybe he does not exist?

 

4. I am now skeptical about men and feel (I can't help it) that if I trust another man, he will use me for sex and eventually break up with me when the novelty wears off. Or, in the very least, that the man's interests and mine will differ in that he will want sex & companionship whereas I am looking for someone to love/be loved by, and I DON'T base love on sex.

 

5. While I have sexual needs just like anyone else, I have no interest in being sexual with my dates, real and potential. As in, I only want it if it means I don't really know the person. I don't want to get emotions involved. (Yet, see #4.)

 

I was not like this before my last ex, but I have always been slow to trust and reserved. I don't want to stop dating, as dating is helping me get over my ex, and I enjoy meeting new people. Suggestions? Will this get better over time?

After reading what I wrote, it sounds like I am not ready for dating.

[Aschleigh]

Just take it slow. No need to force yourself to date until your ready.

I remember thinking I wouldn't be able to have sex again after my last boyfriend becuase nobody else would be as good. Experiment, some will be good, others no so good. There is no ideal, just imperfect people trying to finding love. Just like you.

[2900]

hey chick! just have fun w/the dating. i know how u feel. i'm kinda in the same boat, but i'm not looking for love, just someone to have fun with. theres a whole lot of creeps and dogs out there, but in order to get to the sweethearts u've gotta go thru the jerks too, ya know! i've gone thru a whole lotta boring guys, and i've finally found 2 who make me laugh so hard i cry! lol...lucky me!