Money the root of all evil?

[Momene]

Many of you may know that, although we've had the odd sticky patch, the first 15 years of our marriage have been good. We hit a bad patch in early 2004 and have recovered to some extent.

 

One of the things that is stopping us from being happier as a couple and as individuals is lack of money. We are heavily in debt and if things carry on exactly as they are, eventually we will lose the house and it is unlikely that I will ever be able to retire. Apart from the worry of debt itself, there's the issue of not having "splash" money. For example, we haven't had a vacation since Dec 2003 when we went to Paris.

 

Incidentally, please don't pass on advice about debt counselling, remortgaging, etc, etc because we've been there, designed the T-shirts and written the screenplay for the film. I'm also finishing off a book, which will give us an income boost and I'm looking at other options to increase my income.

 

More than practical help, I need advice on how we can cope with the emotional side of being broke. Any ideas?

[MrKawabata]

If it were me in such a situation, and if I was really desperate, I would be trying to find as much paid work as possible, work long hours, accepting even the most mundane jobs like kitchen-hand, cleaning floors, etc...

[CarnelianButterfly]

Do you do things together that is cheap or free. Like instead of having a fancy meal and laying down lots of cash, prepare a meal together and take it to a nice park and picnic. You can enjoy being together and you have the change of eating a meal in a romantic setting. Walk around the block together, its a good way to exercise and spend time together. Maybe look into local places that have live music and little to no charge to get in, I go to the local bars for live bands and only drink water.

 

Really try to appreciate the time you have together.

 

I'm still trying to figure out my own money problems, too. I really hate money, all it does is cause stress.

[FortunateOne]

Back in the late 90's I dealt with being broke. I lost a car, almost my home and was quite mad at money being the root of all evil. Then I realized that money is just a tool and the evil comes from the handler of said tool. WOW! Was I being evil to refer to manage it in that manner? Yes. I realized I fell into the idolatry that society puts on money. I quit projecting a lifestyle where I falsely fed my ego with the admiration of others envy of me. I learned to live below my means at that time I chose to pay cash for all my earthly needs. To this day I've been very successful in applying the money management lessons learned. The only debt I take on is for profitable business ventures. It take a lot of dicipline, yet if I can do so can anyone.

[doyathink]

umm yes , I am about 1 year of being debt free. It takes time doesnt it.I would do as CB suggested and find things to do together that doesnt require cash!

 

Can you both find odd jobs to do on the side to pay things off quicker?

[Dako]

Momene,

 

I know you work hard and have good sense, so I won't go there.

 

When I was on a tight budget, ideas and friends were a focus. Discussing library books with likeminded people such as my wife was our way to bring in new "material" to feed our heads. We took classes in all sorts of things and found free musical performances at a college that we treasured.

These weren't simply diversions from routine, but became the core of our lifestyle even as we paid off crushing home debt and had more ready cash. We continued to seek cheap stimulating interests we could share as a couple even when we could afford to splurge, because we had what we needed. We baked our own bread, made dishes and furniture, all the stuff our friends scoffed at as quaint or corny.

Even after our marriage, we talk about our way of living as based on more than consumption. I plan to continue this as a singleton.

 

I hope this makes some sort of sense.

[candy604]

the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. I've seen people consumed by just making money and being obssessed with it, it can lead a person into something they don't want to become.

[Momene]

the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. I've seen people consumed by just making money and being obssessed with it, it can lead a person into something they don't want to become.

 

I see myself going that way, not because I am that way by nature but because of the situation we're in.

[Momene]

Thanks everyone. One thing I should add is that we live in the UK, where the cost of living is astronomical, maybe one reason I'm interested in it! It is my astronomy writing that I look to for a second income. We've also halved our expenditure from 2/3 years ago but that isn't what I'm looking for.

 

It's more the day to day low feeling I get when I can't do things I want to do, some of which other people take for granted. I feel very isolated, as we can't get out socially, although my nomadic work life tends to make maintaining friendships difficult.

 

I remember someone else on here saying they haven't had a holiday for 13 years and their sofa's full of holes.

 

The other thing you can all do is buy my book when it comes out and buy extra copies for each of your friends' birthdays.

[doyathink]

There ya go, let us know when and what it is so we can!

[FortunateOne]

Thanks everyone.

 

The other thing you can all do is buy my book when it comes out and buy extra copies for each of your friends' birthdays.

 

 

No problem, BTW astronomy is a hobby of mine. Let us know when it comes out so I can buy it and send it to you for signing. Hey, what's your take on string theory? Just wondering. My view is strange to say the least.

[Momene]

String theory actually makes some sense to me and gets round the problem of singularities, which I've never bought.

[FortunateOne]

In my humble unexpert opinion I think the dense closed end strings of empty space compresses open ended string of energy into what matter is all about. thereforeeee explaining gravity, universal constant, the acceleration of galaxies, and so forth. Then again I'm a bit crazy.

[stupid_girl]

Wow! I'm new here,so hello is in order. I say wow because,although I feel your sorrow in your emotion affect,but my guy won't get a job. and he can get a job with 15 apps. laying on the head honchos desk hired on spot. I give you respect for being a MAN. as far as advice...I'd say u both know the sitaution, and yeah its hard w/no extra fun money, maybe be creative. movie night. extra sex nights. just as long as you are working as a team and can pull through together on the same team you'll beat it. I wish the best for you all. Atleast you're trying.

[Momene]

Wow! I'm new here,so hello is in order. I say wow because,although I feel your sorrow in your emotion affect,but my guy won't get a job. and he can get a job with 15 apps. laying on the head honchos desk hired on spot. I give you respect for being a MAN. as far as advice...I'd say u both know the sitaution, and yeah its hard w/no extra fun money, maybe be creative. movie night. extra sex nights. just as long as you are working as a team and can pull through together on the same team you'll beat it. I wish the best for you all. Atleast you're trying.

 

 

Thanks for the thoughts, although there are times we're pulling in opposite directions and we're both guilty of impulsive spending at times. But our domestic outgoings on food, clothes, etc are half what they were 2/3 years ago.