Moving on...or not?

[Captain34]

Hey All,

 

After an arduous move into a new apartment, I'm back online and felt like taking a look/giving an update on these forums. Today marks one calendar month of no contact! There have been several times I have almost cracked, but I stayed strong and have not called, texted, emailed, or sought my ex out in public. It is uncanny how gaining self control in this manner empowers you.

 

With my new found perspective I am beginning to see more clearly this whole breakup - I can see now mistakes and errors in judgement I made in the past..but they are in the past! No need to dwell on them, just enough to learn from the experience. However, it is the current, the present situation that I am now focusing my attention on, not the past.

 

So whats up now? With this most extened period of no contact ever with my ex, I am seeing things that in all honesty I find amusing. First, my ex's frends are always giving me hugs when I see them in public(some more genuine than others), and talking me up almost as if they are digging for information. In particular, my ex's close friend and roommate keeps doing the hugging - but recently blurted out in an unrelated conversation among mutual friends about "refusing all contact". I am sure this is directed at my situation with the ex. However, I am perplexed why this would be communicated to me now, when I haven't contacted the ex in a moth... Also, this same girl has continually asked me about my new job, clearly digging for information about whats going on with me (I've just moved into a new place, started post grad life, basically had a big life shift which I havent told my ex about at all). Any suggestions on my interactions with these friends of my ex?

 

I find this all to be amusing - how I am passively attacked to seemingly back off when in truth I made the decision to walk away a month ago! It just confrims to me that I am on my ex's mind, which feels good, especially when I have been doing the no contact.

 

Another good thing about my big move is that without internet access I was unable to check the facebook (similar to myspace), and thus didnt have that distraction altering my perspective about the situation. I recently checked the ex's profile, and she had a flurry of activity today(one month NC) which I do not see as a coincidence. In the past my ex posted many things to make me jealous, even some very hurtful things, and I fell into the trap of giving her a reaction...but since I have been neglecting to give her any reaction it seems like she is going to greater lengths to illicit a response.

 

I see the situation as my ex always wanting my attention deep down, but at the same time using my actions against me by telling her friends that I wasn't letting go. To be honest, I was holding on more than I should have, but I wasn't going way overboard. Now that I have stopped everything completely, it seems she is saying and doing more both to get some reaction out of me and to tell others I won't let things go. Its this double standard that I've always had trouble dealing with since the breakup. At this point, probably for the first time, it is finally clear to me that my ex is herself acting in a way that shows that she isn't moving on...??

(I have had flings since the breakup and believe she has as well).

 

What insight or opinions do any of you have about all this? I ask because although I want to continue NC with my ex, I will undoubtedly run into her friends and I want to be a bit more educated as to where the ex stands when talking to them.

[pretty girl digs graves]

i think the pattern of on again off again communication and the methods choosen are not that different from what u used to do in the past...maybe u have just forgotten that...nc does erase a lot of things....i used to think that the only reason my ex wanted to contact me was because he wanted me back...and i later discovered that he was actually more well rounded than that...it wasn't just one isssue...it was like he actually was discussing various things...and i just took it as him being an * * * * * * *, which he is, so, i didn't let it bother me...and nc is the way to go..he knows nothing about what i am doing and same for me...but by doing nc i discovered just how much he knew me because he would check in different places...to leave a post or something just to let me know he still cared...but whenever i saw that i got so mad that he was actually spending way more time than anyone should about me...so i would really get mad and wonder what is his freaking problem..i told him to leave me alone..i think that last straw was when he pretended to give me a gift as a 'accomplish thing' - pleaaaaaaaase. he was so sneaky...he just placed in a room and ran away...because he knew that if he tried giving it to me...i'd call the cops...and he actually spent money knowing i would chuck it in the trash...what did i ever see in that guy....its been pretty quiet though lately so hopefully he has moved on...thank gawd