How do I take this? - Please Please help!

[sabena]

Ok, for those who don't know I have just got back with my boyfriend of 11 months after a 2.5 week break. We sorted out the reasons for the break up (my jealousy, his inconsiderations) and everything was cool.

 

One of the reasons for me becoming was that he had a female friend who he would go walking/climbing with when I was working. I trusted them both completely, even when they stayed over in a tent together. I trusted them.

 

Apparently last night she called him at home just chatting and he told her that we had got back together. When he called me to say what had happened he sad she didn't say much but sounded very very sad, and that he felt bad that he had hurt a good friend. I got very upset at this, partly because I felt threatened and scared and told him so. For about half an hour he kept telling me he loved me and wanted me, that I was the one he wanted...and I believe him.

 

I feel though now he cannot go away with this girl, it's unfair on me, on him and definitely on her. She obviously has feelings for him and when we broke up naturally thought they would hook up. He said that at no time did they talk intimately or share kisses but she has just become attracted to him over the time spent.

 

Now do I just sit back and let him decide what to do or do I tell him that he can be friends with her but the going away bit can't happen? I am so tired of fighting...

[bryan]

You're in a situation that me and my ex were in. It is very hard to accept the fact that your lover may have friends of the opposite sex. Especially when the contact is so frequent with them. I have drawn the line on my future relationships in that it is me or them. I will not go through the pain of wondering what is going on behind my back when my girlfriend is out with some other guy. I have been screwed like this more than once so if I meet a girl and she has many guy friends, I wont waste my time. I mean if it is one guy that she has known for years and they hang out or have lunch once a month or something thats cool. I guess maybe I am too protective or insecure??

[Vincent1984]

Don't Give to much pressure on him..., he may just cheat on you just because....they pressure is too great.....

 

There is always a way to solve a problem....but giving him pressure to choose between you and friend will only make him away from you..., so talk smart to him~~

 

Best way to solve this kinda problem is to imagine that you are Bill Clinton..., look at him....he's back with Hillary even after he "cheated" so many times on her..., I am not telling you to cheat on your BF..., but if you can talk as smart as Bill..., nothing will be a problem between you guys~~~

 

P.S. I think your BF may have a "tendency" to cheat on his GF......, or maybe he just doesn't love you serious enough yet to blow away every opposite sex who may fall in love with him. How to blow them away? Well, Poking nose in front of the gal..., eat like a pig...., act like a perv...wutever their is many ways....

 

Hope it helps~~~

[Genesis]

I am sorry I may be wrong for saying this, due to the fact that I also have issues with my BF, friends of the opposite sex.

 

Question How long has he know this girl? If you where around before she came into the picture, I would say ditch her A$$! Why should she have more loyalty than you? She also wants more than a friendship from him, or she would not have been upset about the two of you getting back together.

 

I think that if this girl is attracted to him then it is not fair to her or you for him to be spending so much time with her. She obviously has feelings for your BF. I would not trust her, sorry you can trust your BF I guess, but I know of many women who do not think twice about stealing someone elses boyfriend. He should be respectful to you and your relationship by cutting down or limiting his contact with this girl. What he is doing is called emotional infidelity. I know the two of you are not married but their are books on this topic emotional infidelity, and it states that while it is good to develop bonds with all sexes, it can be detrimental to a marriage to develop such strong bonds with someone who is not your spouse. You should be his best friend not her, he should want to go camping with you not her.

 

I would have major problems with this, I wrote a post called Friends of the opposite sex, and you can see what others thought about my similar problem. I told my ex that I did not want him spending more time with another women than he did with me. We broke up, then four months later he wants to get back together just like your story. I think he now realizes that if you want your relationship to work you have to give up some things. Just remember If you get married, YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND MUST FORSAKE ALL OTHERS. This is God's law to help prevent husband and wife from cheating and sharing details of each others life that should only be for each other.

 

Bottom Line: It still is not fair for your BF to be leading this girl on into thinking one day they may hook up.

[Princess777]

Sabena,

 

Sorry to hear about your problem!!! I know how jealousy can just consume you. It does that to me too. My opinion on this is that if you are uncomfortable with it, tell him that you PREFER that he not associate with her. Don't demand it, this will just push him away. See how he reacts, of course I'm sure you've already told him that you don't want him around her. In that case, take him aside and say that you are sorry you got jealous, but you love him so much, and that you would just PREFER that he not spend time with her, but that you realize you cannot control his actions and that it is his choice. Then, when he makes his choice you can react however you see fit to that. Actions speak louder than words, so you'll be able to tell his true feelings for you and how you "rate" in his book. This way you're not controlling him, you're giving him the freedom to make the decision to either upset you or please you. It takes the guilt off you. Let me know how it works out.

Princess777