Should we be 'doing it'

[sparkle1]

Here we go then!

 

Me and ex split up a year ago (eek). Still love him very much, even though cheating w*nker. He's now with the girl he cheated on me with (not that he would ever dream of telling me himself).

 

Deal is, ever since we split, we've seen one another 2 weekly/monthly. Always have sex, great sex. Problem is, sometimes i can handle it and walk away satisfied and happy. Other times it catapaults me straight back to when we broke up and i miss him like crazy.

 

We've never spoken about the split. Or about the current girlfriend. I am confused by him, i'm never sure if he is simply 'having his cake' or if he misses me to. He admits he can't let go.

 

Do we stop seeing one another? or hope that a 2nd chance will come? He was very messed up about his ex when we were together, and seems to be gettin there slowly in the recovery. Am i destined to also encounter the long recovery? or shall i hold on in there?!

[arwen]

So if I understand you correctly, he first cheated on you with her and now he cheats on her with you? I'd really cut off ALL contact with this guy. How would you ever be able to have a healthy relationship with such an untrustworthy person? Recovery is very difficult if you keep having sex with the ex. Even non-sexual contact makes the process of healing a lot more difficult. Tell him not to call you anymore and move on. You will feel better soon, I can promise you that.

 

Ilse

[amtjrtcet]

This guy is weird. Don't allow yourself to be used-that's what he's doing, using you.....This is the way I look at it-When you were together he didn't respect you enough to be faithful to you, and now that you're apart he's still showing his lack of respect by USING you for sex. Be better then that.

[BornToResist]

If you are satisfied always taking a back seat to somebody else and being second-best, then continue how you are. But it will not change.

 

I think the best thing for you to do is show him you are better than that and let go. You deserve to be the main dish, not get sloppy seconds. He might show signs of improvement, but unfortunately the pattern has been set between you two and although you love him strongly, he's not going to drop everything and be committed to you. It sounds like he never was in the first place (he cheated on you and is dating that girl, right?).

 

He doesn't bring up his present girlfriend or any bad problems because you are most likely a type of escape from reality. With you he gets the sex without any responsibility, the best of both worlds. Why would he do anything to change what he has?

[sparkle1]

Wise words, harsh reality

 

I know you are all correct, and in some very strange way i already knew what you all put. Hearing it and seeing it in black and white is very hard, but i hope it will make me cut.

 

Just really scared of losing contact with him, his son and his family. Its really not fair sometimes.

 

I don't dispute i am a release for him, fun, companionship without the responsibility of dating me. And yes, i am now the one he is cheating on his g/f with - and in some very strange way i like the fact she is having a taste of her own medicine.

 

I'm going to cut contact. Blimey - just typing that makes me go shivery. Thank you for your replies. Appreciate it lots....Men eh - who'd have them!??

 

XX

[arwen]

Good for you sparkle! I think there are a lot of men that you'd like out there. Just take care that they are not 1. an ex who already proved that you can't trust him and 2. that they are not involved with someone else. Take time to get to know a new guy and you will see, there are a lot of guys who are sincere and who'd love to date a gall like you.

 

Ilse