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Feeling pressure to find the "One"


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Anyone who has followed my posts knows that my gf of 1 1/2 years recently left me following confusion over her sexual orientation. It has been about 3 weeks now since I instigated total NC and she has respected my wishes.

 

I have been doing the things recommended on here: going out, working out, seeing other people, keeping busy...etc.

 

It is just so hard for me to find meaning in anything anymore. My ex and I had so many great expectations in our relationship. I truly thought the search was over and that she was the girl to make me happy for the rest of my life.

 

I'm having trouble letting go of that even though I know we could probably never repair what is broken now. I also cannot help but try and look for the next "one". I'm 26 and I feel like my window is closing. I am at a point in my life where I want to settle down and try and make someone else happy. Why am I feeling so much pressure to find this girl? It's only coming from inside my own self...I feel like my ex was truly the one for me...it didn't work out...now I am at a loss. I hate these days.

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I feel very similar, and I am turning 24. My ex wasn't confused about his sexual orientation, just who he wanted to be having sex WITH for the rest of his life... Everyone keeps telling me "The One" will come along when I least expect him. Since getting back together with the ex isn't an option, I suppose I have no choice but to have faith.

 

Are you getting out there and doing things you enjoy? Probably one of the best ways to meet someone is to meet them in shared activities.

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Everyone keeps telling me "The One" will come along when I least expect him. Since getting back together with the ex isn't an option, I suppose I have no choice but to have faith.

 

I hope you are right. I still feel inside that my exgf was "the one". I guess I was wrong. It's tought to get over those expectations...I have found that it helps to think about how she treated me the last couple months. No one that truly loved me and wanted to make me happy could have been so selfish and indifferent to my feelings.

 

I want so much to find the faith I need to keep searching. I just have a very pessimistic view right now on my life and my relationships.

 

And, yes I have been going out and doing things I enjoy. I have no choice but to at least try I guess.

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I still feel inside that my exgf was "the one". I guess I was wrong. It's tought to get over those expectations...I have found that it helps to think about how she treated me the last couple months. No one that truly loved me and wanted to make me happy could have been so selfish and indifferent to my feelings.

 

Yup that's what I do... I think about the fact that he broke up with me (I mean how much worse COULD it be?!) and then the fact that he's had his online profile up for almost as long as we've been apart. If he was as excited by me as he is by that damn site, we wouldn't have had a problem in our relationship.

 

I think of the fact that he took my heart, my dog (he still has her) and full advantage of my feelings for him knowing FULL WELL he didn't feel the same about me. That's low. I think about the fact that he's a complete stranger to me now, and someone I honestly didn't think that he would be capable of being.

 

It's hard to remain in love with someone when you think about it like that...

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ONLY 26??? ONLY 23??? Are you kidding me?? I'm 34...so I guess that means I have no shot at finding "the one"?

 

I felt the same way as you did at 25, then at 29 and now again at 34. Can you just imagine the people out there who are feeling this way at 38, 42, 48, 55, 60, 72???

 

What you are feeling right now is a normal part of the breakup healing process. It is pure fear and nothing more. Your feelings are not rooted in fact or founded in science. I challenge you both to look around and see for yourself the variety of people out there who are looking for "the one". I bet you will find people of all ages. Try Myspace, link removed or even this forum.

 

No, the person you were with was/is not "the one". If they were...you would be with them now. You have to have patience right now, but your new love will soon come...if you hold an open, loving heart.

 

Now, if you will excuse me I must ready myself for my date tomorrow night with one 25 year old woman and another date this weekend with a second 25 year old woman.

 

 

Orlander

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It's just tough seeing your life going forward at an astonishing speed and not having that someone right there with you to share in everything.

 

I see my family and friends who are all married or in serious relationships...they care so much about each other...at the end of the day, that person is always there for them.

 

At the end of my day, I have to fall asleep to television just to try and drown out the sound of silence.

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I understand your pain guy0221. It happens to almost everyone at least once in their lives though. I took that love for granted and was sucker punched into realizing what I missed, what I did wrong, what I lost and what she lost.

 

I used to be where you are, but to be honest, I really dont have any troubles sleeping. I dont miss having her in my bed besides me. To be very honest, she hogged all the covers and that is something I really havent missed. I still miss her...a lot, but I know that I am better off without her. I'm ok with being with me. Each night I think about the things I have to be grateful for and it really has made the difference.

 

Something like 92% of americans have been married at least once by the time they are in their 50's. In all honesty, do you really believe that you won't eventually find the person you are looking for? Of course you will, but how soon you find that person depends on how quickly you heal. It's a catch 22.

 

If you walked with the faith in knowing, believing that you will find love again, you would be quite content and comfortable being with yourself...after all, these next few weeks or months may be the last chance you ever have again of being by yourself.

 

Enjoy this time to yourself cause statistically it ain't gonna last.

 

 

Orlander

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ONLY 26??? ONLY 23??? Are you kidding me?? I'm 34...so I guess that means I have no shot at finding "the one"?

 

This made me laugh out loud! I suppose since I am 33 and "the one" is no longer the one and the idea of a new "the one" is just so far from here and now... That I am going to be more in the latter of your age category 72ish possibly before I am ready for "the one". I believe there is hope for me in those senior days!

 

k so seriously. In all your pain in anguish you are growing in stregnth of character and the person that you thought was the one you will realize in time was a part of the journey to the one that you are really meant to be with. She has done you a favor and did it now before marriage and children were involved. I know that does not dull your pain but it is hope that you get another chance and that relationship was not in vain. You learn and glean from the experience.

 

i really need a spell check on here- why am i not finding it???

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