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His Friends Are Not Supportive - Trouble


ImThatGirl
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I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a few months. Everything is great - we have grown very close and I have faith that our bonds will continue to grow.

 

A small problem that I need to vent about:

 

He has an old friend, S, that constantly puts messages on his myspace like: "He's standing me up again for another wedding tonight - I wonder what he's so occupied with. He must be doing someone." And, "Sounds like your date went great. I think I'm Jealous!" And "He must be getting some from his new friend of the week." She also recently posted a picture of him with her and her friend from a concert they went to a couple weeks after we started dating (It was planned before we started dating.)

 

A second friend, A, his best friends wife also posts comments. She's clearly bitter that he doesn't visit them often or contact them as often. Often puts comments like "Well this is the last message I'm sending you since you're too busy to contact your real friends."

 

A's husband posted a comment this weekend. "I think he's occupied by: (my picture,) So I've heard." Jarrad sent him a comment back saying thanks for the support and told him about me (age, how long we've been dating,) that he knows they are all used to him being single. Her husband then posted a comment like "We've known you hide when you date and we've known you were dating for a few weeks. Some friends will support ya, some won't. Oh wellll..." And then a follow up pic comment "Jarrad is * * * * * whipped."

 

So I want to:

 

I went to a cookout with alot of his other friends yesterday and they were very nice. They made comments like "So this is who's taking up all your time." Comments that seemed harmless for the most part.

 

I haven't really dealt with this before. I'm 28; he's 30. His friends are around the same age. This seems so juvenile! I don't like myspace so much anymore! I dated someone for a year in the past whose friends and family didn't support our relationship. The ended up being the ending point for us. I don't think that will happen this time but does anyone else have any experience with this?

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Umm.. yeah. Sounds like the husband supports it and his wife doesn't... However, I'm with you on the myspace thing... I find that it can get a bit juvenile when things like that start happening.

 

Keep in mind that sometimes people play banter with each other, especially over such a medium. I wouldn't take it too seriously. As for friends that constantly nag you about not spending enough time with them... they sound a *little* needy. However, if they are just making a comment like you mentioned above... I don't think that it's particularly concerning.

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Thank you NJ.

 

I have been really reserved on this issue. I haven't said too much about it bothering me and actually counted their comments as humor. Maybe 1% of my thoughts wishes he would tell them to get over it. lol Maybe not his friends wife so much but his old friend, S, that seems to have a crush on him.

 

Is this what friends do? They are all quite quick witted, sarcastic, and great sense of humor. Should I be taking these comments personal? I think we may be going to a get together at their place this weekend and just don't know what to expect. I'll be there - hoping they are friendly rather than resenting me! I went to school with his friend and his friends wife. We were friends then but I haven't talked to her for years and she's not making communication easy.

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I think your past experience with your prior relationship is probably coloring your perception right now. I would take it a little less seriously. Funny, sarcastic people tend to really go for the jabs with very close friends that they know can take it. They are likely razzing him especially since he *has* been single and, it's probably a safe form of showing affection.

 

If it really starts getting in the way, such as feeling like you two are being pulled apart by committments to others, then I would address it. But, it doesn't seem like there is anything actually *happening*... just words.

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I think you are right. Thank you very much for your input NJRon~ I sincerely appreciate it. I think I will continue to laugh at it or just not pay attention to his myspace. It's clear now that he's no longer single, that he and I are together. I'm going to continue on as before - not allowing this to consume my energy or conversations with him.

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