Second Chances...?

[5280Lady]

Forgive me in advance if this is a really long post but I really need some objective feedback.

 

I have been dating M for about 6 months now. We have had a great relationship, but there's been this nagging sense in the back of my mind saying 'be careful'. Anyway, early August he was supposed to come over my place but didn't call or didn't show. I tried to call but couldn't get him. After a while, I remembered that he'd left his old cell phone in my car, so I went to get it and get his friend E's # to see if M was with him. Anyway, as I was looking for the number, I came accross a text message he'd sent to this girl saying something like "if you don't want to talk to me I understand; my feelings won't be hurt". I, of course, blew my top, called the girl 'cause I still couldn't reach him and found out that he'd approached her at school and they'd been talking for a week.

 

About 2 weeks later, he left his cell at my house and he got a text msg from a girl accusing him of trying to hook up with her BFF and saying 'she doesn't want my leftovers'. Of course, I talked to the girl and found out that M had been introduced to her by a cousin of hers and they'd hooked up once (kissing) and had been talking on and off for about a month. The night before he'd been texting her BFF throughout the night.

 

Of course, both times this happened I drilled him and we fought, didn't talk for a while etc. After the last time, I said to him that the only way that our relationship had any chance of surviving he'd have to be perfectly honest with me about what he'd been doing. Basically, it turns out that over the course of our relationship he's been carrying on what I call 'phone affairs' with a few other girls. In my mind, it's infidelity even if there's no physical contact (other than the one girl) and I am really struggling with this. The other HUGE piece of this is that I am pregnant from M, which he's known about since the day I found out.

 

My question is how to proceed. I am NOT one of those needy, codependent types that tolerates a whole bunch of crap from a man but I am having a hard time letting go. I do love him and he's a fabulous person (other than being a cheater!! LOL). I don't NEED him to be in my life, as I am highly accomplished and can take care of the baby on my own just fine.

 

Should I give him another chance? He's very repentant and trying hard to make changes but I still don't trust him and feel like if he's done it before, he'll do it again. I don't know if love is enough a reason to stay with someone who has lied, cheated and betrayed the woman he claims to love (and the child she's carrying). What do you think?

[Grokker]

Here's the elephant in the room...

 

Did M know that you were pregnant by him at the time the two incidents you described happened? The text message you found out he had sent, and the other one he received from a girl accusing him of "hooking up" with her BFF?

 

If he did, I'd say the time for second chances is definitely past... he's already had too many.

[Momene]

Tell him he's got one second to grow up. I'd give him one last chance as he's going to be a dad but only because of that.