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Vexed by the hex of the opposite sex

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Hi, I need some outside help sorting out my thoughts about a female friend of mine. I can approach most areas of my life with prudence and objectivity, except as it concerns women... and there I seem to lose my compass completely.


Here's the scoop: my friend Barb and I are pretty tight and she is a source of great comfort to me, as I found out after my last two breakups. But even though I thought she was more fascinating than sliced fire, there was never really any question about us seriously hooking up because she just didn't feel me that way. I can't fault her for that, since there is an awful lot about me that isn't on anyone's list of desired traits.


A long talk with myself yesterday brought me to the conclusion that she might not be all that good for me, either. After all, she is one who goes through relationships quickly, and to be quite honest, it's dizzying to see how many feelers she sends out. It's not that she's scandalous or anything, I think she's just a perfectionistic idealist with high standards, searching through the disappointing jumble of humanity for that one person who won't ultimately let her down in one way or another. Again, I can't criticize her. She knows what she wants and she's trying to find it. However, I finally realized that it makes her an unsuitable candidate for a long-term, committed relationship.


So now the scales are balanced. I'm not in love with her and she's not in love with me. Good, great, fine. End of story? No such luck. Even after my revelation about her fatal flaw, I still spent virtually the entire day today thinking about her and wishing she was here by my side. This is not cool. It should not be happening.


Barb is too true a friend for me to coldly shut her out of my life. We're too romantically incompatible to ever be a couple. I can't put her out of my mind like I can my other friends. This paradoxical quandary is causing me a lot of frustration right now.


I need the elusive epiphany that will show me the way out of this Purgatory. Any thoughts?

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Well how close of a friend is she? Could you confide your feelings for her honestly?


If so, just tell her that you can't get her out of your head, and you think you might need some time apart so you can sort your feelings out. Let her know that you understand that she doesn't feel the same way about you, and let her know that the distance isn't about anything that she's done. It's about you trying to work through your feelings so you can function better as friend.

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