Need advice about waiting to have a baby

[melrich]

that's just me and I do not judge others' opinions or decisions on that front.

 

That's exactly right and exactly why I responded to you. The thread is not about marriage. It was not necessary to question their decision to not be married. It is relevant only to the values of individuals.

 

But to this point,

 

I respectfully disagree that it doesn't matter as far as their best interests whether there is a legal commitment between the two parents. I also disagree that marriage is just a piece of paper.

 

The legal commitment between two common law parents vs civilly or religiously married parents is no different. In the eyes of the law it is the same. I don't believe marriage is just a piece of paper and I never said it was. It is a very important ceremony to many people and there is still a social stigma in some demographics against couples who are not married.

 

But marriage makes absolutely no difference to the commitment of the individuals in a relationship or the financial obligations that apply. My common law relationship for example has far outlasted my married relationship.

[Batya33]

That's exactly right and exactly why I responded to you. The thread is not about marriage. It was not necessary to question their decision to not be married. It is relevant only to the values of individuals.

 

But to this point,

 

 

 

The legal commitment between two common law parents vs civilly or religiously married parents is no different. In the eyes of the law it is the same. I don't believe marriage is just a piece of paper and I never said it was. It is a very important ceremony to many people and there is still a social stigma in some demographics against couples who are not married.

 

But marriage makes absolutely no difference to the commitment of the individuals in a relationship or the financial obligations that apply. My common law relationship for example has far outlasted my married relationship.

 

 

I think one difference here is that I am not trying to be right - just giving my opinion. I understand that you believe your definition of marriage, commitment, and common law marriage is the "right" definition and that I am wrong. You are entitled to that view of course but I just want to make clear that unlike you, I am not claiming my definitions are "right" or judging your definitions as "wrong" just that they are my view of commitment and the best interests of the child. In any event it could be that where we each live, the legalities of the marital commitment differ. Where I live the financial obligations of one person to another do differ under the law where the persons are married as opposed to living together (there is no common law marriage recognized where I live). Perhaps it is different where you live.

 

I also respectfully disagree that a discussion of marriage was irrelevant to the OP's thread. Indeed, I think it is highly relevant to discuss the legal relationship between the parents - or lack thereof - when there is a child involved and/or the decision on whether to have a child.

 

I am glad your relationship has lasted and works for you.

[melrich]

Bataya,

 

I am not claiming any right, wrong or otherwise in this. I have said in each post it is a PERSONAL thing. My issue is the OP came on here asking about whether to wait to have a child BECAUSE OF THE AGE OF THEIR CURRENT CHILD. Nothng to do with marital status, financial status or otherwise.

 

Any comment about marriage or otherwise is a personal opinion. Nothing else. I just wanted to ensure that the OP understood it is an individual opinion only. Not something based in law. And any such comment is a personal judgement only. One in my opinion that shouldn't be made.

[southerngirl]

Batya, perhaps you should make your own thread if you wish to voice your opinions on marriage and having kids outside of marriage.

 

This thread is about her struggle to concieve, her doubts of if the time was right and if she should wait.... and her WONDERFUL NEWS THAT SHE HAS CONCEIVED!!!!!!!

 

She is in a stable commited relationship where there is love. Her first child has the same father.

 

Personal note, I have two very good friends that have been together now going onto 11 years. They have two children. They are not married. They do not plan to get married. They say that it would change nothing in their relationship. She has a degree in interior design, him in sales.. They have a stable loving environement and two very well behaved well provided for children. Of all the messed up houses out there that are within the bounds of marriage who is to say that their home is not a better home? Marriage doesnt make the home. Love and commitment does. Im married but its not for everyone.

[Batya33]

I'm not so sure then why you're voicing your opinions on marriage. If you read the rest of the thread, there are several who inquired as to her marriage-related plans. Thanks for the invitation to start my own thread - never would have thought of that without you - not. ;-) Thanks for sharing your opinions on the relevance of marriage. As I mentioned above, I respectfully disagree and find support for my opinion in many studies that have been done on the best interests of the child. As I also said I did not voice my opinions in order to claim I am "right"- they are just opinions.

 

I also respectfully disagree that her situation is a stable one into which to bring a child. Of course I wish her the best as far as giving birth to a healthy child and in creating a stable environment in which to raise her children.

[muffin cakes]

There seems to have been a little bit of misunderstanding to clarify My son, my miscarriage, and the child I am pregnant with all of the same father my current boyfriend. Neither of us have childern by anyone else. As for the whole marriage debate I will let you all fight it out. I know what I want and am happy with the way our relationship is.

 

If you disagree with me you are certainly entitled to your opinion. If you want to get married by all means go ahead. Everyone has to decide what is right for them.

[Batya33]

Good luck to you!