Anyone following the Perfect Plan - read this!

[hjc]

I'm a big supporter of the Major's Perfect Plan and I've found a post on another forum which I found incredibly useful in helping me stick to my guns...

 

link removed

 

If you can't be bothered to read the whole thing then just read the first post and then go to page 19 of the thread and read message 464 - its a journal kept by someone planning to dump someone else. It gives you a really good idea about what a dumper might be thinking and avoiding misinterpreting what they say; reinforces the principle of being careful with any displays of affection by the dumper:

 

link removed

 

The thread links to an online "sermon"; which is all about letting go (link removed. A little cheesy and if you listen to it, stick with it, but it helped me focus on what's happening and what I need to do (let go). I think I've been kidding myself that I don't need to let go and that I can just do NC and wait for her t to come back....not any more!

 

Finally I've now realised how I'll know when I've moved on - it'll be at the point at which her 6th sense tells her to come back to me!!

[joyce1412]

Finally I've now realised how I'll know when I've moved on - it'll be at the point at which her 6th sense tells her to come back to me!!

 

some exes do have an uncanny way of showing up just when you've gotten to the point where you don't give a crap anymore...

 

but don't count on it. after all, if you have it in your head that she's going to come back to you when you've "moved on," you'll never really get there.

 

don't just let go...LET GO. and don't do it because it's the magic ingredient for her to come back. i think for you to really move on, there has to be a strong motive deep within your heart that has absolutely nothing to do with your ex.

[hjc]

I agree and understand what you are saying. It was more of a flippant throwaway.....

[joyce1412]

i understand.

 

i actually felt that way a while ago. it's happened before that a guy has come running back when i stopped caring about him, which is why i wanted to believe it would happen for me this time. but i gave myself advice sort of like the advice i gave you, because i knew i wasn't GENUINELY "letting go."

[hjc]

Cheeky bump of my own post but I keep going back to this other post for reassurance and it may help someone.

 

Read alongside Majord23's wise words...

[heyduh]

its a very appropriate post and explains the feelings of i had being a dumper as best as i could describe myself

 

(although currently a reformed dumpee, i'm a former dumper)

 

the whole journal entry reeks of things NOT to do when being dumped. this guy changed from whatever he was when he attracted her, into something else ... i know this because i feel this happened to me over the past year or so ... i changed as a person, i became SO different from what i was that attracted her in the first place into a needy puppy ..

 

i'm quoting from her journal "I want things to be the way they were when we were first together, but I know him better now - I realize I fell in love with what I had hoped our relationship would be. The man I fell in love with doesn't even exist. Now that I've gotten to know him really well, I realize that this relationship with him isn't what I need. I can never be happy with him. "

 

"He was so desperate to keep us together. The sex was needy, desperate. Too much. Too much. "

 

it could be a case of she fell in love with an illusion of what she wanted him to be, but more likely - he changed. we all do change and we change drastically when we are in a relationship ... it seems to be that if he did not change into the needy, sad and pathetic guy that she fell out of love with then she would not have fallen out of love! *duh*

 

"Eight months have gone by. I have talked to him a few times, but it always ends the same way. He gets sad, and I feel guilty - which makes me sad and angry. I keep telling him that we can't be together again - but how can I look him in the face and tell him the truth: that there was nothing wrong with him - I just fell out of love with him?"

 

LOL .. there was a LOT wrong with him... he kept holding on without understanding that his sad neediness and guilt-tripping her was only pushing her away more ... basic human behaviour .. cling too tight and the sand falls out faster

 

it is not rocket science, its about attraction. you attract someone .. understand what it is about you that attracted them in the first place ... obviously this lady's loser boyfriend knew nothing of NC or more importantly he knew nothing of how his cliingy needy and being super nice behaviour was just making it worse ...

 

sounds like me from a year ago i wonder if my EX wrote that post .. looooooooooool

[paulapalooza]

I'm crying as I read the diary. I was the one who loved the other person so much and they just pulled further and further away. It's so harsh to think that could have happened with my ex. It all sounds so similar.

 

I'm not sure if I feel better, or worse. In a sense, I thought that there might be a chance for us to get back together. But if my exbf even remotely thought how that other girl felt in the diary, I have no chance. It's just extremely hard to deal with.

[usababe]

That's exactly what happened to me, 2 months of strict NC after the breakup. I finally managed to get over it and deal with the fact that he didn't want me anymore and what happens??... he contacted me out of nowhere and thinks he's made a mistake but is still unsure urgh!

It's now 4 months since then and I'm just starting to get over him again, it's really difficult.