To Ex or Not to Ex.........what was the question?

[Primary Flux]

Hello everyone. I'm new to ENA and I'd just like to say that reading some of these posts have given me alot of insight about relationships and got me thinking in ways that I never thought I would. I'm going to apologize in advance if my story gets a little on the lengthy side, but I hope that I'll be able to get good advice on how to handle this predicament. I know everyone has been through their own unique hardships and I just want to share what kind of experience I went through in hopes of relating to anyone out there.

 

I was with my ex for a solid three years before we finally broke up for good this past December. In the beginning, our families didn't approve of us being together so we had to resort to only seeing eachother in school and in secret. It was a typical Romeo and Juliet scenario. I'd sneak over her house almost every night just to be with her. Time passed and we slowly got our families to interact with eachother and they eventually agreed to finally let us be together as a normal couple. Everything was perfect for awhile. We were so in love. We made so many promises to eachother and we basically planned out how our future would be together and how we'd reach our goal. Then....just when I thought things couldn't be any better, it all started falling apart piece by piece. We started getting into heated arguments almost everyday about the stupidest things. I was with her at her house 24/7 and it was almost as if we were married. Her younger brother and sister would get dragged into our disputes and they'd have no choice but to be our mediators at times. In a nutshell, every single negative emotion in a romantic relationship caught up to us soon after things began to go wrong. A series of incidents occurred and this just made everything worse than it already was. We were the type of couple that would argue all the time, but we'd always end up crawling back to eachother in the end.

 

We finally had no choice but to end our relationship back in December because it felt like we just wouldn't work out due to all the drama revolving around us. Our families ended up hating eachother and we also despised eachother for a period of time. Then she came back to me at the end of February of this year. She started talking to me first and the conversation began innocently enough. Soon after that though, we started seeing eachother again, but this time in secret because our families just weren't on good terms. We admitted to eachother that we still loved eachother and we didn't bother to see other people during the three months that we were broken up. I was so happy when she came back to me and the fact that she told me she didn't bother being with anyone else made it feel even more special, like we were really meant for eachother. Things were going good (in secret) for the next three months up until we both got invited to go to a friend's party and some jealousy issues came up. After that party, she completely ignored me for the next two months. From the end of May to the end of July. I tried talking to her right after what happened but she always ended up blocking my screename. I even sent her a few e-mails apologizing for whatever I did that night at the party that was so wrong. Basically, she brought two of her girlfriends along and they all started making out when they got trashed. Her two friends ended up kissing me as well, and it didn't seem like my girlfriend minded at the time The next morning though, there was tension between us and we just weren't getting along because she was angry and I didn't know what exactly she was angry about. Well, after two months of being ignored, I decided to talk to her again at the end of July and surprisingly enough, she responded without any grudges. We tried to keep it civilized for the first few times that we talked, but then it started getting deeper again. She wanted to see me one day and so we did. It ended up in us crawling back to eachother again. We continued to see eachother some more after that and it felt like we were a couple again. She said she never stopped loving me and she just needed time alone because we kept getting into misunderstandings.

 

Then....one night we got into a ridiculous argument about what she'd do if there were other guys trying to get with her. I asked her a bunch of hypothetical questions just so she could reassure me that she does love me and wants me to trust her. She always used to do the same thing with me so I figured why can't I do it with her for a change. She ended up getting annoyed and finally told me that she had a confession to make. She told me that she slept with two other guys while she was ignoring me for two months. When she first told me, I thought she was joking. I thought she was only trying to teach me a lesson in appreciation. But to my complete and utter dismay....she was serious. I was so shocked that I couldn't even cry. My whole body just went numb and I couldn't come up with anything to say. I never thought that she would ever be able to bring herself to sleeping with anyone else. I always believed that no matter what, we'd always have that "unspoken loyalty" to eachother like we always did back then. While we were apart for two months, I had my own fun, but I never went as far as sleeping with another girl. She was able to let others violate her body all for the sake of trying to get over me and I still can't understand it. After three years, it came down to this. Her excuse was that she wasn't intending on coming back to me after she started ignoring me and that she wanted to completely get over me, so she slept with other guys to see if it would work. All it did was backfire on her. She still couldn't shake her feelings for me and when I started talking to her again, she fell back in love with me. But after knowing what she did, I'm left so confused and hurt. My future with her collapsed before my very eyes and I just couldn't believe it. I tried to forgive her as quickly as I could after she confessed everything to me because she was leaving for basic training in the Air Force soon and I didn't want to regret not being able to talk to her or hold her before she left. In all honesty though....it feels like there's a void of pain where all my love for her once was. I do still love her, but after knowing what she was able to do, I just don't know what to do. I'm also leaving soon for the Air Force and one of my main reasons is to be with her and be stationed where she is. Even after she told me everything I was stupid enough to continue to see her. She left for basic training the other day. Before she left, she called and texted me nonstop. I was virtually the only one she spoke to over the phone that day. She could've spoken to her friends and family, but she chose to speak to me the entire time. We talked until she was airborne and the signal was cut off. I won't be hearing from her for another six weeks, but I know she'll write me letters in the meantime. I really don't know what I should do. A part of me wants to leave her for good because of what she was able to do. Another part of me wants to get even with her and see how she likes it when I tell her the details of what I did while she was gone. And another part of me wants to forgive her and have that future that we always dreamed of having together. I'm just torn to pieces on this. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. If there's anyone that has advice for this, I'd really appreciate to read them. Once again, thank you.

[finewhine]

I am going to give you advice based strictly on the fact that you're 19: move on. Cut your losses and move on. You have plenty of time to find someone new to spend your life with.

 

Don't get me wrong: your feelings aren't fake or wrong just because you're still a teenager, and I don't mean to deemphasize the pain you're going through. Love hurts, and losing your first love is one of the most painful experiences you'll ever have. However, you'll come out the other side a different, stronger, better person.

 

I think if you stay with this girl, you'll end up postponing an inevitable split. She obviously cares deeply about you and you about her, but you're too young and there's too much drama to stay together.

 

Stay strong.

[friscodj]

Welcome to ENA Primary_Flux! Great to have you around here.

 

My friend, pat yourself on the back because you're on your way to graduating with a degree in the Reality of Relationships after this one...

 

You guys are starting new lives! You should be excited about that dude! The Air Force is going to be such an adventure for you and I believe perhaps you guys were brought together to lead you down this path. And this new start and distance is the best-case scenario for detaching from an ex...

 

The chances of you and her being stationed anywhere near each other without being married are between nothing and none. Actually, given the number of AFBs in circulation, and deployments and what-not, it is about 1/1000.

 

Also, take it from my experience, that when people are subjected to the detachment and rigors of basic training, they tend to "reach" for any emotional handle they can find, family, friends, and especially exes. So watch out for that trap...she might reach out to you because she is needy and not because she wants to be with you...

 

Nonetheless, you guys were living this "Romeo and Juliet" (as you put it) fairy tale relationships and now are facing reality. Someone could probably make a movie out of your post.

 

But now, with new adventures awaiting both you and her, it is high-time to leave this one to the memories. Forget about "getting even" with her. It doesn't matter. You guys have learned a lot that will help you for a next and better relationship. You can still love each other in the privacy of your hearts...

[tylercdurden2004]

Also, take it from my experience, that when people are subjected to the detachment and rigors of basic training, they tend to "reach" for any emotional handle they can find, family, friends, and especially exes. So watch out for that trap...she might reach out to you because she is needy and not because she wants to be with you...

 

 

 

I originally read that as Axes!

[friscodj]

I originally read that as Axes!

 

Yeah, I had an ex reach out for an ax once...good thing it was an LDR...

[tylercdurden2004]

Yeah, I had an ex reach out for an ax once...good thing it was an LDR...

Closest I came to was a rumour spreading around the little village in Ireland that I was living in at the time. The rumour was that my ex came after me with a frying pan! Great story never the less.