InaneCathode Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 HEY! I dont do that! But seriously, i'm not sure why things like this that are very obviously chauvenist behavior become arguing points for various rights for various groups. That is to say, if this behaviour was encountered anywhere, it'd be immediately recognized as chauvenist behavior. I don't see how that relates to a woman's right to be shy. Link to comment
Baby Carrot Posted September 7, 2006 Author Share Posted September 7, 2006 I don't see how that relates to a woman's right to be shy It can also be considered as chauvinist... but that was not my point. I was just saying, I find pretty annoying a guy to be pressuring me to do something I just don't feel like doing in that moment. For whatever reason it is I dont feel like doing it.... Is like: "OK honey, you know I don't feel like doing this right now and why would you keep insisting and throw tantrums about it? Yes, I do love you, but I don't like doing that. The same way I don't like tuna, rainy days and moping the floor. And ur not gonna psycho analyze me about any of that are you? So why dont you just accept it, move over and let me be? I don't ask you to do things I know you don't like, why can't I expect the same treatment from you? If you take it personal ur being ridiculous u know... I share other intimate stuff with you, this is so not about trust and confidence is about respecting my personal choices" Link to comment
Baby Carrot Posted September 7, 2006 Author Share Posted September 7, 2006 SHEYDA: Is great that you guys share all that on my "non do" list LOL. I'm just saying... we all have our limits. Maybe ur completely OK with all that. But there are things u just wouldn't do, no matter how much you trust in your boyfriend and how big is the level of confidence. Is not about that, is about not being bullied or picked on or pressure because your personal choices don't cover someone else's expectations of what they would like you to do. Call it anal sex, recording on DVD ur intercourse, letting him cum on ur face, making explicit pictures of ur genitals, or whatever.... U know what I mean? If ur not OK with something you just don't do it, no matter how confident you are. And ur not supposed to stand tantrums from the dude that is asking for it. Link to comment
DN Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 I think 'tantrums' should be defined. If he's yelling or shouting or pressuring in a sulky way I would agree. But if he simply says that he's not comfortable being with someone who is not on the same page as he is sexually that is his right and he should not be blamed for that. No one should be pressured into doing anything they don't want to - but neither should anyone feel pressured into staying in a relationship where sexual compatibility is absent. Link to comment
BornToResist Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 I think 'tantrums' should be defined. If he's yelling or shouting or pressuring in a sulky way I would agree. But if he simply says that he's not comfortable being with someone who is not on the same page as he is sexually that is his right and he should not be blamed for that. No one should be pressured into doing anything they don't want to - but neither should anyone feel pressured into staying in a relationship where sexual compatibility is absent. I couldn't agree more. Well said. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Again depends what you define as pressure. Sometimes its to our own benefit to receive some "pressure" its what can help us open up and discover something new. Personally I enjoy when someone gives me pressure in teh for of challenging me. Food can be a prime example. There are somethings I "dont" like to eat however for what ever reason I am "forced" to eat them and then realize I was wrong about it all along. Physical pressure, blackmail etc are all wrong forms of pressure. But without challenging each others ideas and perceptions how do we ever come to an understanding? Is it really beneficial to be set in your ways? Link to comment
DN Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 IMO pressure is not okay - reasonable persuasion by discussion is ok. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 IMO pressure is not okay - reasonable persuasion by discussion is ok. Persuasion is a form of pressure. Again like I said it depends on how a person defines "pressure." Link to comment
InaneCathode Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 That's all good, but how does whiny men have to do with "the right to be 'self-conscious' and even shy'"? Imho pressure versus force is completely subjective, and one persons persuasion can be another's invasion of personal choice. Link to comment
bigredvick Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 Have any of you been in that situation? How did it end up? Who got mad first? Should that kind of guys be sent to hell immediately? LOL Is it because they're so sexually open or they're just being plain bullies? ______________________________________________ I had asked why my girlfriend keeps the light off and she said that it's because she is very shy. I never pressured her into anything but she pressured me into things. I have no problem being completely nude in front of her. She did get over the completely nude thing though, here is what happened. well once when me and my girlfriend were about to have sex she had went to go eat and its really hard for me to keep an erection with my cloths on or without me feeling the heat from her skin so I got completely naked and waited for her. After 20 min. (she had a snack attack) she had came and laid next to me and noticed my clothes on the floor then she just threw up the covers and was like * * *! so I told her why I was naked and then she said alright and started to strip down which surprised me because she would usually keep her shirt on but I just passed it off because I've seen her in her underwear before but still, when she took off her bra I was like cool. I guess she wasn't herself when she went completely nude because after we started having sex she felt my hands on her skin and all she could say was "oh my god I'm naked I'm naked what am I doing why am I naked" idk she got over it though and after we were finished the second time I asked her why she got fully naked and she said she feels completely comfortable around me and that her body belong to me. It was with the lights off though and when they were turned on she stole all the cover and rolled up to cover herself. Women are confusing… Link to comment
Baby Carrot Posted September 8, 2006 Author Share Posted September 8, 2006 That's all good, but how does whiny men have to do with "the right to be 'self-conscious' and even shy'"? Because! Is like... "Whatever dude! I don't feel like do X today!" And the blackmail and whining starts. When I'm in all my right not to do something I don't feel like to in certain moment, and I don't have to take any whiny crap about it... Imho pressure versus force is completely subjective, and one persons persuasion can be another's invasion of personal choice. Ur totally right... I guess some people can take way more crap than others... or don't ever consider it crap at all. We all have different degrees of tolerance. Link to comment
JeanJuan00 Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 I am a guy who will tell you all this much. Don't fret! You don't HAVE to do anything. Hey listen guys aren't always trying to be control freaks! Sometimes we just want to be a stepping stone to seeing yourself as a beautiful person. I am considered sick by my guy friends, you see.. I may disgust you. I am the guy who see's beauty where other men see something "They wouldn't do with some other guys wee!" (censored to be respectful). What I think I want to get through to everyone is that if your man cannot accept you because you have a scar on your right inner thigh then it is a huge loss for them. You are beautiful, sorry if this particular guy is too shallow to appreciate you but I probably would know 3-4 guys who would chase you to the ends of the earth. For one thing, here is a common misconception... it is basically that guys only want a perfect sexual doll/object. I promise you that there are a LOT of women who could turn on 85% of the healthy sexually active men of the world with their superbly shaped bodies and gorgeous faces that will never get a decent husband because they are so ugly inside it is insane. Funny, another misconception is that ugly inside means being in a poor mood all of the time. NO! NOT TRUE! Ugly on the inside is not putting anything into your relationships.. not trying to understand male psychology when you want to be intimately bonded to one and when things go wrong you simply say "I hate men". Human kind is stubborn in its way's! If you want to attract a man for a night, offer him sex. If you want to keep a man... learn what he loves and even if it gives you the jitters to do it make sure you do it. If he doesnt do the same back find one who will because I know those guys are all over looking for a woman who won't just take take take. Yes that also means sexually, a LOT if not most all men are extremely sexually driven in the sense of touching and feeling. Women have villianized men for their raw animalistic sex drives, these women either end up with bad relationships or hurt some good guy by being selfish and that is terrible and much more shameful than even a pornstar taking it where the sun doesn't shine and I do not mean vaginally from 3 guys at once because it's so massively stretched. Find a nice guy, be attentive to his feelings. If he is a true nice guy he will be the same for all of yours and if you throw shame to the curb and talk to each other a LOT you might find yourselves doing well together. Having one of the happiest marriages ever recorded. Dishonesty causes distrust and what is distrust?? A cause of insecurity. Be Honest, Open, Shameless, and you will be free! Much love to you all and I know my advice is possibly unwanted but if I can make a dent in this war of sexes then I will take a flame or two with it. God Bless Link to comment
JeanJuan00 Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 Because! Is like... "Whatever dude! I don't feel like do X today!" And the blackmail and whining starts. When I'm in all my right not to do something I don't feel like to in certain moment, and I don't have to take any whiny crap about it... Ur totally right... I guess some people can take way more crap than others... or don't ever consider it crap at all. We all have different degrees of tolerance. No see that is wrong you need to consider your man's feelings and offer at least an alternative. If he will not do the same for you then you aren't going to work. If you are both selfish you aren't going to work either. You want a fairy tale sure I can tell you that things are fine no matter how you treat each other if the magic is there to bind you but a realist knows it takes work. It takes sacrifice. Got a headache and don't wanna give oral well you might wanna close your eyes in a dark room and open your mouth in the shape of a donut and get to work. This is what is wrong with people today. They are so selfish it is about their mood and if he is blackmailing you he is probably ready to do you in because I know from experience. Ive done it before. I am doing it. I am with a completely selfish girl and if she doesnt learn to put a percentage in of what I am she is gone and I know tons of women will have a marriage minded, attentive man like myself any day. Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 I don't think a lot of women would see you as marriage material with that attitude....might as well get into a dark room and open your mouth.. Just...unbelievable. I despair. Link to comment
BrokenWingedFaery Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I second AntiLove SuperStar's thoughts, and will not add my own primarily because it would be largely made of words that would be censored. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 What exactly in his comments are you taken aback by? Link to comment
BrokenWingedFaery Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 This: "It takes sacrifice. Got a headache and don't wanna give oral well you might wanna close your eyes in a dark room and open your mouth in the shape of a donut and get to work. This is what is wrong with people today. They are so selfish it is about their mood and if he is blackmailing you he is probably ready to do you in because I know from experience. Ive done it before. I am doing it. I am with a completely selfish girl and if she doesnt learn to put a percentage in of what I am she is gone and I know tons of women will have a marriage minded, attentive man like myself any day." And this: "If you want to keep a man... learn what he loves and even if it gives you the jitters to do it make sure you do it." I've heard the exact same lines from the guys who abused/molested me. Link to comment
DN Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Persuasion is a form of pressure. Again like I said it depends on how a person defines "pressure."Well, let's not argue semantics. A reasonable person would understand what undue pressure entails. Link to comment
InaneCathode Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 *stuff* Ew, ok. That's what i'm talking about. The majority of guys arent like that. The whining/blackmail isn't normal behaviour, so i still dont see how it's at odds with a womans personal rights. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Well, let's not argue semantics. A reasonable person would understand what undue pressure entails. Agreed..... Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now