GFTOW - the only real solution or not?

[heyduh]

And the GFTOW.

Does it mean literally to go and have sex with 10 women (men)?

 

If anyone cares ... I did not mean GFTOW in the literal sense rather, the key to truly getting over a failed relationship and moving on is having other promising options and those options are only going to come to you if you go out there and actively seek it.

 

Yes, after my LTR, I needed some help getting back into the "game" .. I read a lot of pop-psychology books from link removed and also a lot of info from the so-called seduction "gurus" .. mostly other forums like fastseduction and mystery forums etc ...

 

all this while I was in my self-imposed NC/LC mode and to be honest, I was not feeling better. I don't think NC helped me *truly* heal. I mean if she called to wish me happy birthday, did I really want to avoid her call and pretend I now hate her so much that I don't even want her good wishes? No ... that's when I really reevaluated the NC thing.

 

Once I started to GFTOW (again, not literally speaking) I started to feel better about myself and about my life ... i've tried to say this before, GFTOW does not mean you go F 10 other women .. what it means is you actively regain control of your romantic/love life ... now I can smile a genuine smile if I see my ex .. even if she is with her new beau ... that to me is more important than the so-called self-esteem/self-respect that many people here claim that NC helps them regain ...

 

One of the most important things I learned about myself was how I changed from a self-confident, attractive, and fun to be with guy, into a supplicating puppy dog .. during the course of our relationship ...

 

while I don't endorse most of the seduction techniques (such as canned routines, openers etc) I do feel that certain aspects of seduction (psychological, NLP, etc) can help "lead" romantic relationships in the way desired by you ...

 

... manipulative? sure ... but I'm sure most of us here have a secret desire to be in the driver's seat in our next romantic relationships ... do we not? and unless you are a blatantly evil person who is going to use outright lies and deception, I see no wrong in using the subtle psychological "games" in manipulating, or should I say "gently nudging" our romantic interest in the direction that we want them to go ...

[tylercdurden2004]

Fact is everyone manipulates in some way. Often behaviours not traditionally called manipulative are exactly that. Eg. Some people play "victim" in order to gain power.

[mushmouth]

My two cents is GFTOW is not for every guy (or gal). After getting blindsided by the first woman I wanted to marry, I eventually was able to get aroused by other women after about 2 months. Then, I found myself sleeping with them and not being happy. Now, I am in my 11th month. I have certainly found new women to date but I have no desire to be with another woman if I can't love her as I did my ex. Clearly, that does come with time but the idea is I want to reserve myself for something special because I don't want to waste my time or anyone elses.

 

I also believe that NOT having sex is a great way to trick the body into helping you fall for the first person who shows a spark. Since I want love, marriage and a family sooner rather than later, I can easily forgo random acts of sex.

[Jeffster]

Heyduh,

 

I know this isn't a very popular subject around here, (GFTOW), but it's always worked well for me... And I think the reason most people don't like it is because it seems cold and calculating and not to mention manipulative because in a way you are using another person to heal. But, hey, in my humble opinion, isn't that what finding the right person is all about?

 

Besides, I think it's much better than sitting around feeling sorry for ones self as some do. (I suspect that's because some like whining and playing the victum so they can gain sympathy from others, Maybe?). I think if it was changed from the politically non correct GFTOW to go out and have fun, (GOAHF), it would sit better...

 

Either way, I say all is fair in love and war and considering the shabby way most of us were calously treated and flat out dumped by our exes, there's nothing wrong with it and I say good for you!

 

That's just my opinion... Go easy on me please.... To each, his own....

[love4life]

I understand the argument about removing the ex from the pedestal and, certainly, finding that another person can please you physically is one way to help do that. But in doing so, just for pure physical pleasure in the moment, you're using someone for your own instant gratification. I know that I could never do that - I'd feel so low afterwards.

[Jeffster]

hi L4L,

 

I agree with you totally....

 

Thanks for pointing this out.

 

The rub with this GFTOW business is if you are doing this simply for "physical" reasons. That's just plain wrong and I thing that's the biggest problem people have with it. One should go out with the idea of finding an emotional conection with a new person to have any real chance of moving forward.

[tao_of_me]

"The first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club."

 

OMG ROFL

 

That was absolutely perfect timing.... put a smile on my face, thank you.

 

As for me, I'm not gonna hate on the guy. Don't hate the player, hate the game. If the OP wants to employ this method and it works for him and he's not hurting anyone in the process good for him. And seriously, for those who have been there, for many of us the first lay after a bad breakup is, if nothing else, a milestone. "hey, there is life after X after all....I am still attractive to the opposite sex after all.. I still have game after all", etc. i understand people questioning the motives and such of this method but hey, priorities change, esp. after a major life-changing event like a major breakup. maybe this helps the OP achieve balance a little bit - everybody's different. And maybe for him, "finding a soulmate" is not the be-all and end-all of life right now, and it's Ok to have fun. Assuming all the sex is consensual and he's not lying to these women and no one's getting hurt, I think it's fine if it works for that particular person.

 

to the OP.... play on